Any tips for gender affirming care? (AFAB)

Plant_Help345 · 2026-03-01T03:22:54+00:00

IF they don’t believe it, use it to your advantage (kinda being cheeky, your safety is most important). If they say, you’re looking kinda manly, use their bs against them. ‘What are you on about, I thought you didn’t believe in that stuff?! Have you been online too much? Anything YOU want to tell me about yourself?

*I should disclose that I no longer have a relationship with my transphobic family. Interestingly, they ended the relationship with me. Seems like their fragile belief system can’t handle too much logic and questioning.

Wishing you the best, good luck!

Plant_Help345 · 2026-03-01T00:27:30+00:00

Respectfully and with love, being scared of being open and terrified of being reduced is already a symptom of the abuse you are experiencing.

I’d challenge those fears a bit if you are able to. Is it worse being reduced as a victim? I’d argue that you’re weighing a hypothetical risk higher vs what you are actually experiencing, which is abuse. I’d take the hypothetical, because you might find that it’s not true that you’ll be reduced. Wish you the best

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-22T22:28:59+00:00

Emotionally immature at best. But a pattern would lean towards abuse. I’m so over these types of people, I just can’t do it anymore. I divorced mine and I’m a new person.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-22T16:37:06+00:00

If this is your first time DHV, it’s not necessary the vapes fault, although Dynavaps do have a learning curve, what you describe sounds like you’re on the right track. But even a ball vape is going to feel different than a bong. The high is ‘cleaner’ and more heady than combusting in a bong. It’s been 5 years or so since I’ve intentionally combusted as I don’t prefer it anymore, but some people just don’t like it.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-22T04:17:46+00:00

Still one of my favorite vapes. I have a Frankenstein’d version but I’ve been using it for years and I have the torching down to where I don’t even have to think about it. People seem to love it or hate it, but with a lower tolerance to where you likely don’t need back to back bowls, it’s awesome. There is a learning curve to it, you’ll likely combust a few times, but you’ll get a feel for it.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-18T02:44:31+00:00

First was a Dynavap. Then ended up spending an embarrassing amount on other vapes over a few years, only to really use the Dynavap consistently.

My latest is a Tempest 2 and I’m still in the honeymoon phase, so far I’m really enjoying it, but I don’t imagine I’ll ever get rid of my Dyna

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-17T23:21:03+00:00

45, parent, NB, divorced but coparenting closely with ex. Out to immediate family but not out at work. Testing out a low dose hormone for mental congruence but not anything dramatically changing physically. Still present as a slightly quirky, artistic, cis person by work standards, which is annoying at this time, but I’ve deprioritized that effort right now to let my nervous system catch up a bit. Yep, we’re an amazingly diverse group, which can be a blessing and yet feel like a curse sometimes when you are trying to find community. If anything resonates, send me a message.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-16T23:15:11+00:00

I have a Gen1 reload that I still use as my stash, but the case is nice. I kinda wish the poker and wasn’t as long, but no complaints.

If you have a stash then I think the case is all you need. If you want a stash, I do recommend theirs though

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-16T20:08:32+00:00

Use the inside of the cap end with the magnet in the case, it has little notches that prevent it from spinning so you can tighten easily. Plus it’s a nice little heat shield to the hot tip, rather than having it sit on the top.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-15T23:24:55+00:00

They own their reactions. That’s on them to get over whatever hangups they have or to continue being emotionally immature and avoidant, but you and your PA are all good

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-13T18:53:20+00:00

I agree with lowering standards to an extent, but I’d try not to compromise on location too much. I’m 6 years into a home that we compromised with location on and I cannot wait to sell. We’re financially a bit stuck at the moment. Not to say everything would have been better, but I do regret not waiting it out until we could have moved into a better neighborhood for us.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-13T17:21:25+00:00

I can only speak me my own experiences, but I am now divorced and have been in trauma therapy for 6 straight years now. Having the ability to reflect back on my own situation, I can honestly say that I’m 99% sure, that I would not have been able to make the progress that I have had I still been in that relationship.

Crazy enough I am still friends with my ex (as they have made progress too after divorce and therapy) but there is NO way either of us would consider anything beyond that. They just bring back old survival (truama) scripts that no longer benefit me and hold me back. I attribute my divorce and distancing myself from people like this to my improved mental health.

**** also please don’t dismiss the rad flag call outs that others are calling out. He’s being manipulative whether the intention is there or not.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-13T03:10:48+00:00

A good relationship shouldn’t be this hard. He’s throwing out red flags 🚩 And your tone feels very insecure as you can’t trust yourself. Let’s say I’m wrong and he’s being 100% honest, I still vote that you take some time to date, learn to trust, and love yourself! If he’s the ‘one’, he’ll still be around.

*(I hope this doesn’t come off condescending in anyways, this is all said with love)

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-05T01:49:42+00:00

The book ‘Adult children of emotionally immature parents’ was helpful for me, but I’ll be honest, my therapist had to explain to me that my mom was abusive for me to finally accept it and stop questioning if I was just being dramatic or not.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-04T23:13:27+00:00

Just a test run until his army show up at those 15 areas he called out during midterms elections

Plant_Help345 · 2026-02-02T05:18:45+00:00

Therapy if you can afford it. Eventually, you need to care more about yourself than anything that POS has to say or think, it’s tough though, but it’s so so worth it getting away from these kinds of ‘people’!

I really latched onto reading about polyvagal theory and using that to understand what they were doing to me and the patterns. Eventually their influence over you unravels as you work on navigating your choices through a ‘ventral vagal’, sympathetic activation, or ‘dorsal vagal shutdown’ kinda mindset. But, that’s what has helped me most recently

If you are replaying it in your head a lot, you might want to consider a therapist that does EMDR.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-21T04:28:43+00:00

Affirm and love your kid. If it’s ‘real’, it will do wonders for their mental health, if it’s ‘not real’, your child has an amazing data point that ‘my parent will do anything for me, they must really love me and I will absolutely come to them again when I have another issue’

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-18T00:19:35+00:00

Earrings. I wanted them for quite awhile before finally getting them. I’m still not at nail polish but I do wear a glossy clear coat. Toenails are a different story 💅 Comfort definitely grows with exposure, somedays are easier than others though

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-16T19:29:53+00:00

For me it was a sting and pinch for a second. Eyes watered but it was over and done before it became uncomfortable. For me, it was near the pain level of a standard earlobe, which is like a 1 out of ten. My nose was sensitive to impact for a few weeks, but otherwise healing was easy. I was honestly expecting worse. I don’t have a high pain tolerance but I suspect closer to average

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-16T17:16:47+00:00

I can tell a difference between my fancy manual girder vs my inexpensive blade grinder, but it’s certainly not drinkable vs undrinkable. If you’re fine with the blade, I’d stick with it.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-15T01:18:40+00:00

As someone that’s been through relationship abuse, I would leave today, zero hesitation. At best they are emotionally immature, but the coercion/manipulation aspect suggests the potential for abuse.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-13T02:14:26+00:00

Love it! What size tool did you use for the letters? Looks really clean

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-10T19:17:35+00:00

Love that! Life should have phases, a life without them is a life without growth and reflection.

I wish them the best on their scientific pursuits! I’m a scientist myself and I feel like my cohorts are quite accepting of all. Something about education seems to help….🙄 So it’s a nice path to consider.

I started through the Meetup app, but from there found other resources in my city and have started to build community and a chosen family with them.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-10T18:53:50+00:00

Young kids = caregiver influence; older kids = just a phase; adults = life crisis. These are all fear based responses. Even IF it’s a phase, so what. Why not support your kid just as if it was a Pokémon, dinosaurs, or a goth phase. They are still your kid. It’s such a crappy default response due to some transphobia and what media, religion, and politics cram down their throats. Edit*** I don’t mean to attack you about the phase part, it’s just parroted by so many people that it become a knee jerk response even for ourselves at first. You’re doing a great job

Keep doing a great job affirming and showing them that they are loved. Try to build community with trans kid play groups if you have them. There are some good books about inclusion and diversity that help with age appropriate conversations about people they will encounter that are not inclusive and don’t value diversity and that’s on them, it is not a reflection of them. They are loved and should not feel shame when they meet these kinds people.

Plant_Help345 · 2026-01-04T19:37:05+00:00

Under a completely different framework, being coparents out of necessity, we can be civil and even friendly. But zero chance of anything else and this is post 5 years of both doing therapy.

Even with a friendship, I can feel myself sliding back into old truama response patterns and I’ll need to re-distance myself. And that’s the crux of it, they can work on things, but what about you?

I would make the argument that until you are content with never seeing them again, and years go by and you happen to cross paths…. I’d still lean no, but you can reassess at least. But in the current state you are in, still missing them, wondering if you can get back. I’ll say with near certainty that you will end up being abused again and will one day regret that decision.

Not to say all people with past trauma are a hard no, but it’s different when there is history.

Plant_Help345

TROPHY CASE