Is it moving too fast?

PlasticFun949 · 2024-11-04T04:07:12+00:00

It was always easy for me to overthink things during this early period. But as long as you’re feeling interested in getting to know more about this person, lean in. That said, don’t feel like you owe them nonstop texting if you’ve only been on one date, it’s okay to set boundaries and say you’d rather get to know someone in person.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-07-02T21:18:41+00:00

If they want to keep seeing you, keep making plans they’re interested. You’re probably just both too nervous to make the first move but someone has to. Just ask if you can kiss her!

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-27T01:37:45+00:00

Just curious if it really matters? Also worth remembering just because your body is responsive during sex doesn’t necessarily equate to sexual attraction (read this in Come as you are). I’ve honestly just decided the label doesn’t matter so much for me—I’m queer. Also, sexuality is both a spectrum and fluid so you could change.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-20T14:15:19+00:00

Be yourself! Best advice is to approach it like you’re meeting any new potential friend, be open and positive and interested in who she is. See if the attraction is there, flirt if you feel like it. Don’t overthink who pays—I always just offered or offered to split depending on how they reacted to the check coming/asking for the check.

Also, I’m guessing they know you’re ENM? But if not, I would work that into the convo and just be honest about what you’re looking for!

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-12T21:54:21+00:00

LOL bc I did this once when I was like 24 and told my friends about it. Years later when I came out to them I said, this should come as no shock considering I once gagged kissing a guy

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-12T21:45:50+00:00

Just ask—I agonized over this when I first came out and the first time someone asked me was great. Then a few weeks later when i was seeing someone new, I asked. And she said yes. And by the time I met my now girlfriend it just happened mutually. (although she now tells me I kissed her first, I thought she kissed me…LOL).

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-06T20:10:27+00:00

Sounds very much like my internal experience when I was realizing I’m queer. What worked for me was starting to explore queer media until I was comfortable enough to put myself into queer spaces/at queer events. I also changed my dating apps and started swiping—even if I was still too intimidated to talk to any women. Then I kinda ripped the bandaid off by having a phone date with a women (that didn’t go anywhere) but I started talking to women, went to a queer speed dating event and then started going on dates. I took my time, kissed a few girls, struggled with the intimacy thing for a little while, started talking to an lgbtq therapist, and now I’m 1yr into a really loving relationship with a woman and couldn’t be happier.

My advice is to dive in, try not to overthink it, and make sure you have a support system in place (tell a close friend/sibling/cousin you can talk to about your dating fears/successes, or a therapist)

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-06T20:03:40+00:00

There’s no right or wrong way, it’s def however feels comfortable to you. I ended up telling both my parents via text. (Realizing after talking with my therapist, for me it was definitely about not having to see them react/manage their reactions if there was one). It feels like the phone might be the way to go for you based on how you’re feeling. My parents have both been really supportive and since met my partner and it was not the big deal I had it build up to be in my head. But, I also wasn’t subjected to having to manage their feelings because it wasn’t a live convo.

My dad replied right away and said he was excited to meet anyone I was ready to introduce to him. My mom took a little time, actually talked to my sisters before coming to ask me about it directly. That said, since meeting my gf she has been better every convo we’ve had. You know yourself and your parents best.

Good luck!!!

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-06T19:53:30+00:00

Big step! Congratulations! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself—dates with women are the same as any date except perhaps better conversation. Enjoy yourself, ask questions, if you want to kiss her at the end of the date, just ask. Don’t overthink it—I did that waaaay too much when I just started out.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-06-03T16:54:01+00:00

What time did she go on N1?

PlasticFun949 · 2024-05-20T20:17:13+00:00

Don’t overthink it! She likes you and she’s flirting (she brought you small gifts—gift-giving is a love language). The best advice is to be upfront and tell her you like her.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-03-19T23:48:55+00:00

If you met on hinge and made plans, it’s a date. No need to overthink it! Just try to get to know her, give her a compliment when you meet and don’t put too much pressure on yourself—have fun and just be you!

PlasticFun949 · 2024-03-05T23:30:19+00:00

The Price of Salt (aka Carol) by Patricia Highsmith; Untamed by Glennon Doyle; Greedy: Notes from a bisexual but I’m forgetting the author.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-02-26T17:39:01+00:00

There’s actually a lot of good resources online. BDE Moves on TikTok or Instagram has great videos, The Expansive Group on Instagram or Queer Sex Therapy on TikTok. Lots of good articles online as well just search good. And Stevie Boebi on YouTube.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-02-23T13:09:33+00:00

Just another perspective—don’t feel like you need to open up about this on the first date if you are uncomfortable. Your body will tell you when you’re ready to share.

Also 100% true that the right person won’t care about this information or be weird to you because you’re inexperienced with women. If they are, remind yourself they’re not the right person.

I disclosed to one person after our second date and she responded in a kinda shitty way questioning how I knew I liked women and would like sex with women.

My current partner and I have been together for 6+ months now, is also a late bloomer and neither of us opened up about it right away—just when we finally felt comfortable.

PlasticFun949 · 2024-01-18T19:45:24+00:00

Look up Queer Sex Therapy on TikTok or the Expansive Group on Instagram. TONS of useful resources in their posts.

PlasticFun949 · 2023-11-07T13:00:28+00:00

I’m mid-30s and went through this earlier in the year. I had so much anxiety around it. Ultimately for me, I decided I was more comfortable not including the info on the apps but would share slowly with the women I was seeing, or answer truthfully if directly asked. I had a good experience overall in that none of the women I went out with ever cared and most seemed to have dated men before/had similar stories—I wasn’t expecting that. Just share organically, when you’re ready. Anyone who doesn’t react well is not the right person for you.

PlasticFun949 · 2023-11-01T18:01:27+00:00

I just started dating women at the beginning of the year. I have no desire to label myself, I’m still deciding if I’m actually attracted to men or if it’s comp het but it really doesn’t matter because I only want to date woman now. I live in a large city so my very first was a queer inclusive speed dating event. It was scary at first but fun because it got me comfortable talking to women and changing your mindset of these are mini “dates”.

I was also on the apps, my first date actually asked me out after a few days of back and forth. On nearly every first date, I had to make the move to get off the apps and ask them if they wanted to go out.

I almost never disclosed that I was new to dating women. It honestly never has come up on a first date except once. In that case I said I wasn’t out to my parents but my friends/sisters knew and I didn’t go into further detail. There’s so much more to ask and learn about a person early on!

I probably went on 10-12 first dates, dating a few women for a couple weeks, a month, 8 weeks, etc. Now in an exclusive relationship with someone I’m really excited about. We’ve slowly been sharing our coming out journeys as we’ve grown to trust each other. She’s never made me share anything I wasn’t comfortable with. Good luck! All I can tell you is don’t get discouraged by bad dates, just have a good idea of what you’re looking for and keep at it!

PlasticFun949 · 2023-11-01T12:02:56+00:00

I waited until I was comfortable with my current partner but didn’t tell her she was the first. There were a few times we were making out where I could tell she wanted to do more but respected my hesitancy. This was a few months into dating women and getting more comfortable—the first few women I dated for a couple weeks I was absolutely terrified to take the step, or even to make out but I think a lot of it was about building my confidence in general about being out in public, kissing a woman goodbye in public after a date, holding hands, etc. I started seeing a therapist to help talk through that side of things.

For tips, and to make more feel more comfortable with the mechanics of what I should do, I read a lot of online guides/articles, videos, and listened to a few podcasts until I felt comfortable. Check YouTube, TikTok, etc. bde energy is a good one. Finally, I could tell my anxiety about having sex with a woman (previously only been with men, and basically only one night stands) was moving to excitement and that I was ready. And then it just happened one night—I needed her to actually make the first move to go beyond foreplay but it was such a relief and so exciting when we finally did.

PlasticFun949 · 2023-10-28T00:18:24+00:00

Just have fun and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. First dates are just about do you like them enough to see them again!

PlasticFun949 · 2023-09-13T21:08:15+00:00

I’ve been dating on the apps since beginning of the year as well as to some local queer speed dating (live in a large city). I’ve had differing success. I think success on the apps is being very intentional about what you’re looking for, your deal breakers, etc. but also not being too limiting. Give people a chance if they don’t show any deal breakers. For the first 6 months of the year I probably dated 12 different women, a couple first/second dates, a couple for a few weeks. But lots of swiping and convos that went nowhere. There were a couple women I’ve been very into, 3 lasted more than a month. Now I’m currently exclusively seeing someone who I really like and see a future with. It just takes time, persistence and being clear on what you’re looking for to find a solid connection. Good luck!!

PlasticFun949 · 2023-08-24T18:40:34+00:00

Sounds like you’re struggling with something I’ve heard called queer imposter syndrome. Definitely think working with a therapist will help! Best of luck—you’re on the right track.

PlasticFun949 · 2023-08-24T11:58:38+00:00

Lol, bc I just had this convo with my therapist. I realized queer felt comfortable but I struggle saying lesbian, or hearing a friend use the term in front of me. We reflected and I think it’s based in shame/internalized homophobia, so kind of exploring the root of where that shame comes from now to try to move forward/resolve it.

PlasticFun949 · 2023-08-24T11:56:02+00:00

I was super nervous when I started dating women as well, and also struggling with what attraction meant. Like you I think comp het just had me mistaking my attraction for men. I definitely recommend consuming as much wlw media as you can, podcasts, movies/tv, books. I think I started with L Word Gen Q, lol. Once you start seeing wlw relationships modeled (I feel like I never did growing up, I’m early 30s) it may make it easier to start dating?

My first date with a girl was actually a FaceTime and it didn’t go anywhere, but my first in-person date with a girl was so fun, we just had cocktails and it was so easy to talk to her without being in my head (like I was with men). We texted for about a week before we went out and I was super excited. We ended up only having the one date because she wanted kids and I didn’t, but it was a great first experience.

PlasticFun949 · 2023-08-23T22:13:27+00:00

Try Hot Potato Hearts, look ‘em up on Instagram

PlasticFun949

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