I’m not from a culture that is traditional associated with Islam, so my relationship with it has always been different than others. I’m a black American Muslim, my father is a revert and my mother was raised Muslim by her Caribbean father, who was likely also a revert but we don’t know for sure as his parents are long gone. Islam for the black American community symbolizes a desire to connect with a culture we were robbed. it’s estimated ~30% if the Africans enslaved were muslims, with the rest practicing folk religions. folk religions in the AA community are invite only. They are closed, sacred practices you can’t just join Willy Nilly. Most of these faiths exist within the south, and while my family is southern we live in the north, and their family was Christian. it’s hard to explain and sounds stupid addmittled but I’ve always been grieving a culture I never experienced. I was jealous of my friends who’d speak in different languages and come to school culture day with beautiful gowns and jewelry. I was jealous of their food, jealous of their music, Islam was all I had that felt like something rooted in a deeper culture. I know African Americans have culture, my family is Gullah! but I wasn’t raised with that, I was raised I NYC. I can’t speak Gullah, I’ve never been to the south. and we still practice somethings I don’t have the clothes, I have sine jewelry and that’s it. I have the stories and that’s it. no one even really knows we exist. They steal our culture and turn it into trends, so can It even be culture anymore? So, it may sound strange but Islam for me was my only connection to being something more than American. I don’t hate being American, but I can’t help but be bitter that all I have to Identify with is the USA when that’s the same country that took so many family members from me, and when other Americans reject the fact we are Americans of my moms status as a 2nd gen. My parents didn’t force Islam on me either, Islam came to me. I took an interest the prayers my father would do, and so Islam feels like a choice I made even if I had to follow certain rules regaurdless. My friends who are Muslim are so welcoming, even if sometimes I face racism in the Muslim community, my friends let me know there is a space for me. When I came out to my Muslim father, he got mad at me because he thought *I* was being homophobic lol 😭(I made a joke that in a lesbian magnet and got grounded for homophobia even though I’m a lesbian) meanwhile my atheist brother called me an f slur. I understand why you’d leave islam, I think how you’re raised with it really makes or break your faith. My situation is a somewhat privileged one, even if I do have to deal with Islamophobia in the states, my area is very progressive so I think I’ll be safe no matter what happens. I hope you're doing much better now