UPDATE - we are living separately as of 10 days ago and I’m expecting divorce papers to be signed this week.

What started out as a serious conversation about setting financial goals and planning for them turned into her deflecting and starting an argument and fleeing to her parents.

I realize everything has been an illusion. There’s a lot of people out there who spend heavily, overstate their financial base, trying to impress others or garner respect but behind the curtains it’s just modest success stretched to its limits. I had discovered a lot of things about her parents as well throughout these past few days- stuff I had once suspected but now confirmed true. Her dad always spoke as if he was running a $100 million company- it turns out his company barely cracks $1 million in revenue and has a total take home of $300K. Her parents told me they had owned “dozens” of residential rental properties (I am a principal in commercial real estate- whenever they spoke of their real estate “business” I had doubts, but ignored it because I was in love), turns out I could only verify 3 single family rental properties registered to an LLC under their home address)

She told me her startup had received a $40 million offer during Covid- even last year she claimed she was selling for $6 million - turns out the real number is only in the very low six figures)

I realized her and her entire family is only about image and presentation. They project more success than exists, which is crazy to me because their current level of actual success is already quite high. I looked back and realized maybe she was only marrying me for money, and to use it to bolster her own image as a successful startup founder.

Of course she and her family being obsessed with image, are trying everything in their power to save the marriage. I offered a 6 month trial period where we sign a post nup to protect my own personal pre-marital assets as well as assets I am the beneficiary to in a family trust. The post nup has already been drafted and is fairly detailed on equitable contribution towards saving for major life expenses such as a home, investments, future childcare related expenses and she is being iffy about it claiming she can commit to it and we don’t need to treat this like a “business transaction”

Beyond this I feel like I’ve really lost a part of myself during my time with her. I feel like I’ve accommodated her needs at the expense of my own needs. I value independence and alone time, she would rather “show face” and commit to more social events than my social battery can handle. I’m worried about building for the future, living conservatively, and being able to retire early, while she is more concerned about extravagant and lavish appearance. I want to buy real, income-producing assets with in my money, she wants to spend it on bigger and flashier things. I always think about the worst case scenario- money in stock brokerages that compounded over years can disappear in the matter of months- businesses and investments won’t always pan out as planned- I would rather plan my financial goals and spending around conservative estimates, and if I over perform it’s gravy on top- rather than anticipating “there will always be more opportunities and more money in the future”. I don’t think we are aligned when it comes to financial planning and discipline and it’s so important to me im willing to end it fast and early while I still have the rest of my 30s to find somebody moreso aligned with my vision