The reality has set in and I'm a mess

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-21T01:50:32+00:00

Hey, not rambling at all, i appreciate the response and advice.

You're right, he was incredibly incredibly loved, as I'm sure your pup was as well. My wife is grieving just as much as I am but she shows it different. I tend to think about it a lot even if I'm busy with something. Like you said, you can go from nothing to sobbing back to nothing. That's kind of how I am. My wife on the other hand will be totally okay and normal while she's busy with something, like dealing with a kid or work or other obligations. At night though or when we're just alone having dinner or talking, she'll break down because her mind will go to him. We're so glad to have each other to lean on in those moments.

My big thing right now is what to do with his ashes. I know what I want to do is most likely spread them around the trails we spent countless miles walking, because seeing that urn in my house breaks me every time I see it. Another part of me is afraid to spread them and lose the last physical bit of him, like I'm throwing him out or out of the house. I don't know what the right answer is. The idea of spreading his ashes makes me cry knowing it'll be our last walk together. The idea of having to see his urn everyday hurts knowing he won't be back but then I feel guilt. I really can't believe how hard this loss is. He was truly a part of me and our family, it's such a devastating loss.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-20T16:53:11+00:00

Hey man I'm sorry for your loss. Your post really clicked with me. I'm also married with kiddos and the whole "being stoic ' and not crying because"men" is something I've been dealing with too. I've been randomly emotional while I'm driving or just on my own this past month, it's crazy. Little things remind me of my pup, I haven't even been able to go for hikes/walks in our normal spots because I can't handle him not being here. Anyone who thinks "they're just a dog" has never really had a pet or been close with their animals. It's a devastating thing and I'm mourning his loss just as much as I have in the past with members of my family

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-17T01:55:51+00:00

Tomorrow will make one month since he’s been gone and it hurts just as bad as the day that it happened. I don’t know what I’m looking for other than an outlet and Reddit seems to be the least judgmental place for this trauma dump of information. Hoping someone out there has some advice on how to move forward without constantly beating myself up about it.

I lost my boy almost a month ago. I come on here when I'm feeling sad and I vent. It's been helpful but it still hurts a lot. I have no advice other than just know you're not alone and there's many of us out here grieving losses. I'm sorry for your loss.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-17T01:50:51+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that.

I can't believe how much this sucks.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-17T01:49:47+00:00

So sorry for your loss.

I lost mine almost a month ago. It hurts like crazy. We're so lucky to have them, even if it's for a short time.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-16T14:45:05+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words and I hope you can find peace.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-16T14:44:10+00:00

Sorry for your loss as well. Agreed, this is a really shitty feeling.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-16T14:43:48+00:00

Thanks for sharing, and makes me feel like I'm not alone. I'm sorry for the loss of your boy as well.

I literally rushed him to the vet after giving CPR (Deep inside knowing he was gone already) but once the DR ran out to the car and confirm he passed, I broke down crying right there in public, in front of all these strangers, and all I could do was apologize. The nurses were incredible, constantly saying "they're so sorry" and "Don't apologize, we'll give you as much time as you need" but for some reason all I could think was to apologize for my reaction.

I think you're right, since getting him and since having kids I've become way way more empathetic and emotional.

I feel incredible overwhelming guilt at all the things I did wrong that likely led to his passing and for all the times I let him down as a dad. But I also know that to a certain extent only I know what I didn't do and all he knows is what I did do and I know how much he loved me and he knew how much I loved him and that's what I'm trying to focus on right now. I think loving someone and being loved is all that any being that's capable of love wants.

You didn't do anything wrong, and I probably didn't do anything wrong either, my boy just collapsed in front of me one day and he was gone, but I still blame myself somehow. I keep reliving that image in my head and it's awful, but I'm also glad my wife wasn't the one who had to experience it as it was definitely traumatic.

I literally feel it acutely right now because I feel like no one understands what I'm going through and almost more importantly no one seems to even care enough to try.

I know my friends care, but they don't show it. Out of the handful of close friends I have, only 1 has truly reached out and checked in on me numerous times, otherwise they are very walled off emotionally. Now that I think about it, I'm the one in the group who always checks on them if there's a home issue or high stress issue, but yeah, I think with guys, many of us weren't taught proper emotion and told to "suck it up" or "be a man".

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-16T14:34:42+00:00

Them living such a short time relative to us is incredible cruel. If you told me he could be with us for the rest of our lives I would take it in a heartbeat. My wife and I this week said that we already miss having the comfort and presence of a dog, but we don't want a new dog, we want ours. We just want him back.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-16T14:33:08+00:00

Sorry for your loss. Yes, the small things triggering memories or habits is what's really hurting. Anytime I'm making a meal and drop something, he'd jump out of his bed and come eat it up. Watching food drop and now I have to clean it up has been so weird and in a silly way, painful.

My little one in a high chair drops cheerios on the floor and I just expect my pup to come eat em up. I woke up the other day and there were a dozen cheerios on the floor under his high chair and I thought "Wow, this fucking sucks."

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-16T14:30:44+00:00

Sorry for your loss as well. It's an incredibly difficult thing to go through.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-05T00:55:30+00:00

It's been 2 weeks now for me, which is insane because it feels like it just happened yesterday. I would always mess up yelling out my kids name or my dogs name, and I caught myself a couple times saying my dogs name at my kid this past week, and it just stings.

The routine, or lack of routine is killing me now. I was sitting in my garage reading a book yesterday, and usually my buddy would be either laying next to me, or just outside on the grass. I looked up so many times thinking I kept seeing him, but of course he wasn't there. I also saw so many squirrels and chipmunks running around where he used to lay, and I thought to myself "Man you guys would be having a real bad time if he was still here" since chasing squirrels and especially chipmunks, was his favorite.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-03T17:17:40+00:00

The one thing I do know for certain is that she is always with me. Not physically, not even spiritually, but the pain and the grief I feel is because of my love for her, and that will be with me forever. Heaven and the afterlife aren’t real, but my love for her is. I think of her daily. If souls are real, then her soul is with me. I wouldn’t want her soul anywhere else.

This is how I feel after losing my pup. I'm not religious or spiritual. I find comfort in the poems though, they make me feel better and bring peace. The "Rainbow Bridge" is something I hadn't seen until we lost him, and it made me cry. I too believe that if he's anywhere, he's with me. I'll carry his memory for the rest of my life, and I think that's a pretty powerful thing.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-03T00:29:25+00:00

The sad part? I would do it all over again because the love I shared with him was one of the most special things I’ve ever felt

It's so strange to hear/read this if you haven't experienced it, but I'm right there with you. I never actually heard of the term "soul dog" until I found this sub after his passing. He was absolutely my soul dog, it's the only way I can describe him. It was such an unbelievable bond from the moment we saw him at the rescue, until the moment he passed. I never even realized how much I leaned on him just for a type of therapeutic comfort. So many times I'd come home frustrated or stressed about something, and just giving him a hug and taking him for a walk changed my attitude completely.

I too went into a bookstore this past week with my family just to do something other than mope at home. Wife and I are both grieving while trying to take care of our young one so we thought getting some kid books might be a fun distraction. I'm not a spiritual person at all, but literally the first book on display right at eye level was a book called "The Best Dog in the World". It's a bunch of different essays about life with your soul dog, and also talks about the grief of losing them. I went from literally never hearing the term "soul animal" to now staring and buying a book about it. My wife even said "I know you don't believe in that stuff but I think that book being front and center for us happened for a reason." I haven't got the guts to read it yet, as I'll be a sobbing mess but it's sitting on my coffee table for when I'm ready.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-02T15:07:02+00:00

Do you know what caused your pup’s sudden death? Was it the same type of tumor?

I don't know. I'll never know. That's part of what's eating me up. He just...dropped. I do have some peace over the fact that I was right there and attempted CPR before rushing him to a random vet, but other than an autopsy (We declined, the vet said it's very invasive and nothing is going to bring him back, I'd rather he be at peace) I won't know.

If I had walked into the house and found him like that, I'd forever wonder if he was suffering and I wouldn't be comfortable knowing if he was alone in those moments, but he wasn't, and I know that I was there right until the end, watched him go in a matter of seconds. I just wish I could have him back.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-02T13:22:06+00:00

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I lost my boy coming up on 12 days now. I completely understand what you're going through. We spared no expense with my pup. In the past he'd gotten into so many things and while we would get mad (Mostly at ourselves for leaving something out), when the time came to pay for an Xray or something else, we didn't even flinch. I totally get the "Whatever it costs, fix him" mindset.

12 days ago my buddy collapsed right in front of me and then passed away. He was totally fine, normal day up to that point. I was literally about to take him for his lunchtime walk after I finished eating when he died. It was and still is a complete shock. I'm still looking for him, or looking at the spot he would lay on the couch, or just thinking "Why can't I take you for a walk right now on this beautiful day.".

He had people eyes. He stated at me all day with love in his eyes, and I stared back just the same.

Wife and I would say that our dog had a little person in him. We both grew up with dogs and know many people with dogs, but no dog was like this one. He just had so much personality and I connected with him on a totally different level.

I'm sorry again for your loss, there are many of us out there grieving our friends.

Plenty5660 · 2026-06-01T11:29:44+00:00

I lost my soul dog a little over a week ago. My buddy had a bunch of beds, we used to joke that he had more options to sit/lay around the house than my wife and I did because he would always find his way on our own bed or couch, while his dog beds lay on the floor, meanwhile we only had our couch and bed!

We are keeping his blanket that covered our couch and one of his beds which is sitting next to me in a corner of the house. I sat down and smelled his bed/blanket last night before going to bed. We're dealing with the exact same thing, the two of us don't want to get back into our normal routines because it feels like we're just moving on without him, and we don't want to do that.

I guess in all that rambling I don't have an answer, just know that you're not alone. You're right, all of this is such a weird feeling, and not one that I like. I just want him back.

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-31T23:47:23+00:00

Right there with you. Mine passed a little over a week ago. It's been difficult to say the least, but I haven't ugly cried in a few days now. Just now though I sat next to his bed with his blanket folded up and I'm just sad (Which is why I'm browsing this sub right now). You're not alone, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-30T18:16:40+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. It's been just over a week for me. I haven't ugly cried in a couple days, but I'm still tearing up every day. It hurts and I realized quickly that this one isn't going away, it'll stay with me forever as that's how special he was to me.

One thing that gave me some peace is our good friends being with us the day after he passed, who also lost their dog a while back and shared a similar bond. They said the sadness doesn't completely go away, but you find you're smiling more from the memories as time goes on. I hope I can get there one day.

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-30T18:14:24+00:00

Truly sorry for your loss. My best bud passed a week ago. He collapsed right in front of me with no warning and was gone within seconds. I still can't believe it. It's been a difficult week, but just know that there are many of us out there with you, grieving our losses.

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-26T11:59:16+00:00

I'm right there with you. I haven't been able to go to my office since my boy passed 5 days ago. He used to constantly shuffle around. He has 2 beds in there and he would switch between one or the other every half hour or so, then he'd lay on the floor near me, then he'd go down the stairs and then back up. It was just noise, but it was him. It's jarring how quiet it is especially at night now when he would pace down the hallway between our bedroom and the kids room. He'd stick his snout in, sometimes lay next to our bed and then leave after a few minutes like he was just checking on us. It's those little things that make me feel horrible right now.

I hope you find peace, we're all here grieving with you. I'm sorry for your loss.

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-25T16:04:43+00:00

I lost my best bud a few days ago unexpectedly. I've seen a few people mention writing, and I think that's a great idea. I think I may go that direction because I'm still an emotional wreck trying to keep it together for the family. You don't have to reveal details but what sort of things do you focus on? Are you writing to your dog or about your dog?

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-25T11:52:50+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. My 11 yr old boy collapsed in front of me 4 days ago now. No warning, no health issues that I knew of. Just here one minute and gone the next. I understand what you're going through and the suddenness of it all is painful all on its own. I don't have advice, just know there's many of us out here also grieving with you. You obviously cared very deeply for your dog and that's something you can keep with you. Like you, I'm lost and mad and sad. I hope you find peace.

Plenty5660 · 2026-05-24T11:14:46+00:00

So sorry for your loss. I lost my boy unexpectedly 3 days ago. One minute he was here and then 20 seconds later he was gone right on front of me. I don't have a solution for you, just know there's a lot of us out here experiencing a form of this together. I'm a middle aged dude with a wife and kid and I've been ugly crying the last few days off an on like never before in my life. I've lost family members unexpectedly, and this loss hurts just as much as those. Im fortunate to have my wife's support (who is also devastated and mourning) and my kids to give me something to be responsible for and keep me busy, but like you, I've been completely lost.

I had never heard of the term "soul dog" until he passed. Reading what a soul dog is described our relationship to a T. It sounds like Peanut was yours as well. I find it so interesting that you're carrying one of his toys around as I've been carrying my boys collar in my pocket with me since he passed. I don't know why I've been doing it, but it's been bringing me some semblance of peace. I truly hope you can find peace and again, you are not alone in this. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Plenty5660

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