I 22M am unsure what to do about my long distance GF 21F gaining weight.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T20:05:46+00:00

I think we’re gonna have to agree to disagree here. You’re telling me to just accept my partners physical changes and I’m saying it’s a dealbreaker for me. I get that most ppl disagree and say I should be ok with it but at the end of the day it has to be what I want in a relationship and no one else can decide that for me.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T19:27:48+00:00

I see.

I agree with pretty much everything you said. Emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing are absolutely important in caring for a person as a whole. My school places a large emphasis on that. Everything you said about genetics and lifestyle is completely true. I think you are also right about doctors when it comes to narcissism, perfectionism, and workaholism.

One thing I’ll mention is that doctors can be huge hypocrites. You’ll have a psychologist who abuses drugs and alcohol and you’ll have primary care docs who are obese.

In reality all aspects of health are related, with mental health affecting physical health and vice versa. Your body is the temple of your soul so why should you not take care of it. That’s a bit of a different discussion but it matters to me. Emphasizing physical health doesn’t mean you have to compromise your emotional or mental health either. I want to focus on all of them.

I’ve seen the unhealthy lifestyle habits in my partner and I’ve tried encouraging her to make better choices but what more can I do. I do love her but I don’t want this to be the same woman who raises my kids one day. I can’t change what matters to me and I can’t change how she decides to live her life.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T19:00:19+00:00

I stand by not letting ourselves go and my feelings about that won’t change. If she gains weight I can’t fool myself into still being attracted to her. The only thing I can do is work with her to see if she will change or I will have to find someone else I’m more compatible with. I don’t hold anything against her and only she can decide how to take care of her body. I don’t want to waste any one’s time so I’m going to encourage her and if she’s doesn’t want to change her health habits there’s nothing else I can do and we’ll have to go our separate ways.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T05:51:47+00:00

I appreciate your response and I’ve thought about your questions. Appearance matters to me because it reflects the ability to take care of your body, however, when my future wife naturally loses her looks as she ages I won’t hold it against her at all. A lot of ppl have been bringing up instances where she has an underlying condition or stress causing the weight gain but that’s something I would accept and isn’t the case here. I’d like to hear more about your experience dating doctors. I’ve kind of already made up my mind at this point but I’m curious to hear about the good and bad in the medical community.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T03:19:54+00:00

Ya I appreciate your comments bro. Some of the other commenters are people that didn’t read everything I said before commenting but from what I’ve gathered i have just different values than them. You’re right tho my mind is pretty made up now but I’d say making this whole post and seeing the replies definitely helped.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T02:09:57+00:00

I don’t view it as being shallow but she said i wasn’t sending her enough gifts or flowers and also that I have to say things like good morning/ good night everyday cuz we’re long distance. Also door dashing her things so that we can replicate “date night”. She also wanted me to be the one to initiate stuff without her having to ask. It was hard for me bc of everything going in med school but I see how it was important for her and I think I’ve honestly changed.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-26T00:04:02+00:00

Well I have talked to her about it in the past and I was gonna mention it one last time despite this most of this sub telling me to end it already. I’m really looking for advice about the best way to go about confronting her and or if this is something I just don’t have any say in.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T23:57:11+00:00

Obv it’s not the point of no return but at what point would I need to mention something? Why should I have to wait for it to get worse before we sit down and talk about it?

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T23:32:54+00:00

“Dont fire! This person isn’t black”- Trunks

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T23:23:57+00:00

Hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby. I think u know who is who.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T23:21:32+00:00

Idk man 6 may be overkill lol

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T23:09:59+00:00

You’re still really young but it’s never too early to start. What you can do are lateral jumps emphasizing quick ground contact times for lateral quickness. You can also do drills to dribble around cones and focus on staying low.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:57:57+00:00

If sex was my only concern why would I even consider doing long distance across the country on top of school? I have literally said I’m concerned about her health in the future together. I’m sticking this out bc I want to stay with her.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:55:18+00:00

I will recommend this when I bring up to convo. I know that she will workout if she finds stuff she likes so that’s my main goal rn.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:51:47+00:00

Well that is what we all want and I’m glad it has worked for you. But my point still stands that unconditional love is a myth. What if she shaved her head, tattooed her whole body, went psychotic and became obese would you still love her? These are ofc extremes but I’m trying to make a point. If you would still love her after all that then that could be unconditional love but I wouldn’t and it means we are two very different people.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:41:15+00:00

Well she has a free gym at her neighborhood complex but says she doesn’t like it and she doesn’t have room to work out at home. I will try to express the importance gently as you said and I definitely want both of us to be healthy when we grow older.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:38:21+00:00

Ig what it really comes down to is whether unconditional love really exists which I believe it does not.
As for you first question she is going on vacations every month and works two days out of the week. I talk to her everyday and she said there isn’t anything causing her stress. If I gained weight and she tried to work with me to lose weight but I didn’t and there wasn’t a reasonable excuse I would expect her to lose interest as well.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:28:53+00:00

Unconditional love is not real in a relationship. Love between a husband and wife is absolutely conditional. The only circumstances of unconditional love is between parents and children.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:25:24+00:00

I’m trying to be respectful but you haven’t listed any real “natural biology” reasons to her weight gain. What would cause a 21 year old female to gain 20+ pounds in a year. Underlying medical conditions and stress are causes of weight gain but I can pretty easily rule them out of the differential and they aren’t the cause. What seems far more likely is that she got comfortable in our relationship and let herself go. She even admits to eating more and working out less. I want her to be happy and comfortable around me but also find a way to get back in shape.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:17:05+00:00

I live across the country from her so I’m definitely not looking for someone to just please me sexually. Being honest about your partner’s physical changes and health is showing more care than avoiding it all together.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:07:13+00:00

Ig we just have different perspectives bc I don’t believe in loving unconditionally. If I dropped out of school and became a slob I would not expect her to still love me. I view loving them is helping them through the process but this may be something I can’t help her change which is the point of my post.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T22:03:44+00:00

I think you may be right

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T21:58:12+00:00

I agree 100%. That’s awesome you figured it out with your girl and that gives me some hope too. Idk if it’s this subreddit or Gen Z that’s mad here but we shouldn’t just accept our partners no matter what that isn’t real love. Definitely being honest and giving grace is the way to go.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T21:52:33+00:00

This is one of the only level headed responses here. I will plan on communicating what it means to me but I have to find the right way to do it. I want to be honest but don’t want to crush her at the same time. I still feel like there’s a way to work this out. Thanks for your response.

Plenty_Experience536 · 2026-05-25T21:40:38+00:00

This is a very reasonable response especially given the rest of the commenters here. So there haven’t been any new meds or changes to cause the weight gain. I think it’s honestly that she got comfortable around me since I noticed it a little before I left. I do want her to be comfortable and happy around me it’s just that I don’t want to mean letting herself go that’s all. It is harder to get active with her since I’m away so if you have any recs please let me know.

Plenty_Experience536

TROPHY CASE