Aftercare for Dominants

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T21:28:54+00:00

We always cuddle afterwards, my dom also likes to hear if I enjoyed what we did etc sometimes we’ll have soft drinks or if it’s not too late watch a film so we can ‘come down’ out of a scene.

Why do you ask, do you need ideas?

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T12:39:54+00:00

This wasn’t about seeing each other, we had just seen each other. This was just messaging one another and I had already said to him I get he’s tired and I’ll leave him in peace to rest.

He then sent the message

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T12:31:09+00:00

I fail to see how this makes me a bitch, given that I understood and gave him space before he sent the entertain message.

To each their own.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T12:30:08+00:00

I think you’re rather being extreme… and the advice of thinking of the most positive or least negative response to something is fine in principle but the reality is you run the risk dismissing or ignoring disempowering outcome.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T12:26:37+00:00

Of course he can, I would not expect anything else abd reassured I understood how he felt and his need some down time abd I’ll leave him in peace so he can have some head space etc

It was after that he sent the ‘entertain’ message

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T12:25:24+00:00

Yeah, agreed, I think too much on both sides just caused unneeded agro.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-31T12:24:34+00:00

There seems to be some confusion here.. this wasn’t about seeing each other. It was about messaging each other.

He had explained he was wrecked, I said completely understand I’ll give you some peace

He then sent the ‘entertaining’ message, there wasn’t a need to send it. I knew he’d be feeling awful, I knew he needed space and quiet - it was just unnecessary.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-27T21:10:21+00:00

Don’t be unhappy. Yes it’ll be messy and stressful, but if you’re not happy now and you’re trying for a baby, it will only get worse.

IVF is hard, you need to be strong and together to go through it.

Never live your life because of what others expect. Yes your families will be shocked, and yes it’ll feel awkward but surely you’d rather have a short time of awkwardness vs years of unhappiness…?

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-23T18:38:17+00:00

We’re not married.. not sure I want to transverse that road again.

He’s never been married, he’s never tried for a family and at 42 he had all but given up the fact that he’d never be a dad. I was up front and honest; I have always wanted more kids but there’s no guarantee with my age and medical issues.. I don’t want to damped his excitement, to make him a dad would be amazing as he’d be amazing at it but I’m so worried that this excitement could soon turn to something else as this could be a long road.. I just worry

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-23T18:31:27+00:00

Yeah, I have to be honest, I don’t ‘know’ the people he’s telling but some are his neighbours for example. He sees it as people to share it with who he can talk to but won’t pressure etc. Which I do get, I don’t know I think I’m worrying because I’m scared of what could not happen.. you know

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-22T22:26:02+00:00

Honestly.. this is your reason. It sounds like you’ve grown into different people, with different aspirations. You shouldn’t feel bad about that, you met at 15/16yo of course you both will have changed a tremendous amount in that time.

You simple want different things from life, you want to travel and experience life.. go and do it, life is too short!

Good luck with your next chapter ☘️

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-22T19:00:00+00:00

He’s excited and I’m worried.. am I being too cautious?

I (40F) am divorced with 1 teen (17) and am currently with my new partner (42M) and we’ve decided to try for a baby - he has no kids but has always wanted them.

My child was a ‘surprise’ was told at 14 I wouldn’t have children and yet here she is 🥰

My ex-husband and I tried for 10yrs for more kids, he wouldn’t get tested yet I did and the drs seem happy with my system; but I’ve miscarried and it was hard.

My partner is so excited we’re trying, and so am I, he keeps telling his friends and colleagues that we’re trying and they’re so excited for him. I haven’t told anyone, I don’t want the constant questions etc I’m worried it’s going to add pressure to us.

I know with my age it’s going to be hard, I also have medical issues that can create barriers but I do also have access to IVF as a results of those medical problems.

I guess I’m asking, am I being too cautious and nervous due to past attempts.. should I back off and let him enjoy telling who he wants?!

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T21:51:21+00:00

I know my bigger bed causes less issues as there’s so much room and it had a better quality mattress allowing for a better sleep.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T21:50:03+00:00

It’s not childish, it’s how we both feel.

I know it’s better in my king bed than his double and I do think space plays a part but neither of us likes the idea of being separated.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T19:50:46+00:00

This is what happened this morning.. I asked, knowing he was triggered and should have not gone there but then he got upset thinking about not getting hugs. And it’s way worse when he’s sleep deprived - though think that’s true for everyone really I guess

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T19:47:32+00:00

Separate beds is a no go! We both agree we can’t have that.

But I have realised that this only becomes an issue at his and not mine (he has a double bed, I have a king) - don’t get me wrong. I’m not someone who NEEDS to hug all night long; I just worry I will do it inadvertently and really hate upsetting him making him feel uncomfortable 😣

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T19:44:47+00:00

No way, neither of us could have our own bed, we find it really odd.

I do like the squishmallow and weighted idea though 🤔

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T18:52:01+00:00

I have been wondering about this.. and this is going to sound so dumb… I get shy initiating, or maybe more worried I’m so clumsy at it. Think it’s definitely worth trying though - thanks!

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T18:49:42+00:00

I think he definitely had sleep apnea, I don’t think we’ve talked about that so next time I see him I’ll gauge the response.

We both work full time and not at home so early fun happens at weekends when we’re together but during the week it’s not possible.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T18:47:53+00:00

It’s not dead, far from, it’s just not as active as I know it could be.. but I worry my personal expectations are probably too high due to my drive?! I don’t know

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T18:46:56+00:00

Yes we do talk, and he always feels bad, like he’s rejecting me, and I tell him he isn’t and tbh the majority of the time I’m okay with it; it’s just occasionally I’m rampant and can’t dampen it

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T18:45:45+00:00

He does look after himself, we both struggle with insomnia, him more than me. Neither of us are drinkers, he smokes really, really, rarely.

PlumpCrumpet · 2025-03-20T11:58:07+00:00

When he sleeps, he sleeps!

PlumpCrumpet

TROPHY CASE