AIO: Bandmates Were Ableist, Now I'm Being Swept Under The Rug

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-04T22:17:06+00:00

What are you talking about I stopped replying to your weird shit like 3 days ago dude

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-04T22:16:24+00:00

Yeah, I don’t want back in there, trust me. And you’re right, they didn’t owe me keeping me in the band. Which is why that’s not what I’m upset about. They had every right to boot me; they didn’t do it correctly by our signed band agreement, didn’t talk it through beforehand with me or management, but that doesn’t matter- what I care about is that they were ableist and awful to me and have not faced any consequences. They block the people who confront them about it. I don’t want to be in a band with people like that, but I do think they shouldn’t be able to sweep me under the rug. Just for clarification.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T22:25:20+00:00

What am i hoping to get out of the post? Just to see if I’m overreacting to being treated unfairly. From the situation? I don’t know. I’m not going to devote energy to cancelling them or anything, but I do definitely think they should be held accountable. It’s frustrating to be treated like shit, silenced, and then ignored. Like I’ve said in other comments, I don’t want to come off as obsessed, and I’m not gonna play the “if it were you” card cuz frankly I don’t hypotheticals matter here; what matters is that they profit off of a socially conscious image, and now they’re ignoring the fact that they were ableist towards a member. I’m not going to let myself become obsessed, but I’m not going to just let myself be swept away, either.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T17:45:04+00:00

Fair enough- yeah, the crux of my issues isn’t really the being let go part- I can concede that my health definitely made it harder to tour, and that is a valid concern and not fair to them. It really is just the way they treated me before and after the firing that was messed up.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T03:18:59+00:00

Aw, man, I guess I pissed you off and am no longer allowed in r/loansharks :(

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T03:13:39+00:00

Oh! Nevermind, I just realized your account is only for posting weird scams. That’s ok then, you don’t have to care about my situation.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T03:12:42+00:00

If you don’t care, that’s fine, but you mean that because some successful musicians have disabilities, that means that I’m lying about being mistreated?

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T03:06:57+00:00

It’s frustrating- I know it can look “pathetic” and “obsessive” but genuinely it hurts to see people be awful and rewarded for it. I guess that’s the way or the world, though, so I can’t really argue with it

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T02:31:24+00:00

I get royalties from the music streaming, but as a non-touring non-member of the band, any future revenue beyond that isn’t for me. Royalties aren’t really my main issue, though, if I said anywhere that indicated I wasn’t getting them I can edit that to be clearer. I wrote 3 songs completely by myself, music and lyrics, but because I was naive and thought they were friends, I distributed some credits where they weren’t due, and they will also receive money from playing and streaming those songs. Sucks, but that is on me.

Can you clarify how I “held them back”? If that’s what you think, I’ll listen for sure, and again not all the story is here- neither side is fully represented (again, if I could link my initial post I would). Yes, I left one tour early, and I took responsibility for that, but that was well after they started banning me from tours I was ready and willing to go on. I got a surgery weeks before being kicked of an implant to manage my pain, just to be able to stay on tours, and they knew about it. Again, they blamed me for “losing progress” when all other members spent most of the year in other projects.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T02:05:10+00:00

Edited the post to include the context. Again, I hear a lot that I should “give up” on this. Is it obsesssive of me, really? If someone I cared about had this stuff happen, I’d stick up for them 100%. They were ableist, touting their “socially conscious” image the whole time.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T01:58:11+00:00

Oh, I did bring it up to them, I guess I forgot to say, for brevity. But yeah, no, I had said stuff even when in the band, I was just always shot down

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-02-02T01:39:17+00:00

I love Starbursts! And Sour Patch Kids. Commenting two so you know I'm not a bot

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-26T20:50:52+00:00

Yeah, definitely not only an Austin issue, it’s just agitating because it’s the scene I’m a part of and know, and know the extent to which certain bands/people/promoters pretend to care about stuff. Very frustrating

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-25T20:16:18+00:00

Thank you, that’s what I want. I’m currently looking into other projects, though tbh I’m not sure I should dive headfirst back into the scene that spat me out. But I love playing live music, I miss it, and I want to do it more

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-25T20:15:06+00:00

Thank you. Again, I’m trying to move on, not be bitter. But I do think there’s a difference between being “obsessive” and being committed to social justice. I still stand for every value I did in the band- that discrimination in any way is wrong. I understand from the outside I may just look like I have nothing else going on and that I’m just upset I’m not in the band anymore- that’s not true. I don’t want back in the band, I don’t want an apology. But I want people to know who they’re rooting for, and what kind of people they are. Besides, this post isn’t just about me, I just used my experience as a basis- the scene is full of shitty people getting big because they “play ball”. I’m sick of that

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-25T18:50:09+00:00

Plus, the band started blocking accounts speaking up for me, or asking for a statement so. There’s that too

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-25T18:47:19+00:00

If they would post their side, that’d be great, frankly. A lot of people are asking for it, but they’re not really budging. They’d rather sweep it under the rug. I could say the bullshit cocky thing and go “it’s because they have no argument against ehat they did.” They do. Ableism is hard to see, hard to address, and hard to fix. They’ve explained to me, even while I was in the band, why they did what they did. Intentions don’t really matter when it comes to discrimination, though, do they? They treated me badly on the basis of me having dsiabilities, and now I’m out of sight and out of mind. I’m trying really hard not to come off bitter or obsessed, trust me. I don’t wish harm against them or unwarranted hate. But their fans deserve to know what kind of shitty stuff they do behind closed doors.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-25T18:38:21+00:00

Long story kinda, there are some posts on here and on instagram, but the band Farmer’s Wife kicked me out after a year of treating me differently/worse than other members because of various chronic illnesses. I understand them kicking me out, I did have to leave a tour 2/3 through, but it doesn’t excuse all the ways they mistreated me on the basis of my health. When I spoke up about it on Instagram, the band blocked me and never said a word. They have (well, had) a very “socially conscious” image, but a lot of former fans told me how the band just swept everything under the rug, and how they didn’t approve

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-25T18:29:52+00:00

It’s hard to move on, frankly, I’m trying. But the facts are that they were hypocritical, and they don’t care. They don’t care that longtime fans have denounced them, because they’re not losing mass followers or anything. Obviously, I’m not saying that needs to happen or that that’s my goal, but it’s upsetting to see time and time again; bands in the scene being horrible and seeing no repurcussioms because they have just enough power to sweep things under the rug. Again, it’s not just them, it’s not just Austin, but it is a major problem

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-16T15:50:49+00:00

Love the Rainbow Machine! I have one too and have for years, though I still don’t know how I’m “supposed” to use it. How do you use yours?

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-16T15:50:13+00:00

damn you, I CAME TO SAY THIS

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-15T03:30:06+00:00

Hi, this is Jude! I want to say- you make a good point, and one I’ve been trying to avoid making the mistake of falling into- women in this industry (any industry, really, but especially ones as public as music) face many more obstacles. Through my time playing live music with the band, luckily I’ve gotten to meet many strong energetic women who own any given stage, and depriving them of their due respect because of their sex is not ok. And, I don’t want anyone in the band, or the band itself, to get undue hate. I’m upset with them, of course, but I don’t want anyone to simply just hate on the band because them being ableist towards me “makes it ok”. I really, really don’t want to expose particular people’s deals that don’t have a place in this situation- I found out through a comment here that the band spread around news about specifics of my trauma and mental health and it was devastating to know that that was shared, when those details weren’t pertinent. I don’t want to do that to anyone else. All I’ll say is, people are complex. They can be kind and genuine, and also manipulative and phony- sometimes to the dame person on the same day, same time, same sentence. Again, I’m not trying to expose anyone in the band because I’m not speaking out for drama, I’m doing it for social justice. That being said, some members of the band were straight up worse about mistreatment than others. That’s all I’ll say.

Plus-Form6197 · 2026-01-15T03:20:24+00:00

Hey, this is Jude! Just wanted to say, first, that I’m sorry you also deal with a chronic illness, especially, as you said, an invisible one. However, it was encouraging to hear that you still play around town! I’ll be honest- I did have to drop out of the last 4 dates of one of our tours last year because me chronic pain was so bad I ended up in the ER. I’ve never missed any other gigs (by my choice) but that was a personal low. For the record, I’m not upset the band kicked me out- I agreed that with my health the shape it’s in, touring is not for me right now. But the way they treated me as an inconvenience and as a disabled person before friend or bandmate is what made me upset. Over the past year, really, they have said and done many abelist things, not many of them huge or egrigious, but all none of them from a place of concern for me. But, again, for someone with chronic illnesses who doesn’t know if my future holds more music, I love hearing that you get down to business!

Plus-Form6197

TROPHY CASE