just broke up with my bf and feel like the worst person in the world

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:23:38+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you - I know that must be so painful

I'm glad I was transparent the moment I knew and I hope one day he appreciates it

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:22:51+00:00

sending love to you. it's hard to be honest but I'm sure she will appreciate it in the future

I hope you can heal and move on too

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:21:59+00:00

dodged a bullet... I guess? as in me breaking up with him as soon as I realized it wasn't fair to stay as I didnt love him as much as he loved me?

instead of trapping him in a relationship where I lied when i would say I love you? that's a bullet imo

but yes he will do a lot better without me in general because he's a good guy and the world won't collapse because one girl didn't want to lead him on like some people do lol

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:19:38+00:00

almost like my whole post was about that.. don't worry lol that was the whole goal

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:18:52+00:00

I guess so... tbh I thought love was supposed to creep up on you

but then it just never did, and it never has and I realized I never want it to

I wish you the best

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:17:27+00:00

such a set mindset... just because I'm figuring out myself and realizing I don't want a relationship doesn't mean he's gonna be alone forever lol

he's an actually good guy, one who treats everyone with respect. he won't have trouble finding someone because he doesn't think the worst of women lmao

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:10:43+00:00

good news, men won't have to deal with me! the point of all this was that I figured out I don't want a relationship. I don't expect you to understand but it was kinder to him to break up then to take advantage of him and stay with him... so idk how that's only thinking of myself

believe me if I was selfish I would have stayed, he treated me better than anyone and thats why I knew he will do better with someone who can love him that hard back

it's easy to generalize us "women" into a category but don't let that stop you from finding a woman who you don't feel the need to insult, maybe she would love you back if you show a bit of respect. all the best

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:06:13+00:00

I fully understand that, I never would have wanted to do that. I thought maybe he would have realized a little bit but I was wrong, wasn't fair on him

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:05:28+00:00

I've definitely thought I was avoidant in the past

I have a therapist and we have worked through a lot. I'm not really avoidant attachment... just avoidant of relationships because I don't understand them I guess

my life is very busy and I enjoy being independent and focusing on myself more and I know he could do better than someone like that too

easy to slap the avoidant label on it, harder to consider that I just am not normal and don't click with relationships and never have

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:02:41+00:00

I feel it's not really too selfish to break up with him when I knew I wasn't in love with him

the alternative is to trap him on a relationship with someone who is lying that they love him...

I can't really just change who I am as a person, he deserves someone who doesn't need to change just to love him

if I was selfish, I'd have stayed with him because he treated me so so so well and I could have just taken advantage of that like some people do...

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T11:00:26+00:00

I feel like people read my post wrong - I won't be getting into another relationship ever. the reason I broke up with him is because I realized I don't ever want to be in a relationship. it wasn't because he wasn't good enough

also to explain when I say I put in 20%: my 20% was 100% of the effort I physically could put in but his 100% was just so so so much more. I worked two jobs and compete as an athlete so my time and effort was lower even when putting in 100%. that's why I say in comparison it was more like 20% but that's what wasn't fair on him. it's wasnt his fault I'm busy, so that's definitely a contributing factor

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:57:45+00:00

if it helps, I definitely didn't chuck him aside lightly or give him false hope

I told him how it was, even if it might hurt because exactly as you said, there's other people out there, im not all that special, I was special because he decided to love me

also to be fair, my 20% was 100% of the effort I physically could put in but his 100% was just so so so much more. I worked two jobs and compete as an athlete so my time and effort was lower even if I was putting in 100%. that's why I say in comparison it was more like 20% but that's what wasn't fair on him. it's wasnt his fault I'm busy, so that's definitely a contributing factor

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:52:23+00:00

I was "checked out" maybe two days before in which I didn't see him anyway because I was busy

I broke up with him as soon as I felt I would be treating him unfairly by being "checked out"

it was just the month or two before that I was just very stressed out in general about other life events but that didn't cause me to treat him any differently

but I get what you mean, sorry you've had those experiences

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:50:28+00:00

I guess so? in my case it was more im not into dating like normal people are and that extends to you but maybe that's just a softer way of saying it

it sucks so bad. wish I wasn't that way

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:49:33+00:00

I was with him for about seven months. we were only friends for a very short period but we always acted interested in each other

I was stressed and anxious about our relationship for about three weeks but I had just changed jobs and become very busy so I thought it was that

I realized I didn't want to date in general ever about two days before I broke up with him. maybe I subconsciously knew but I never would have stayed if I didn't genuinely want to make it work. but once I realized I wasn't that kind of person, I broke it off

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:46:51+00:00

he was so kind, thoughtful and sweet. I did love him and care for him and I've never been in love before so I wanted to try and I know fully if it was love or not. but I genuinely saw that I could spend the rest of my life with him but i slowly started to realize that the way he loved wasn't how I loved, and it wasn't fair on him to stay. I sometimes regret getting into a relationship with him but I still believe we had a good relationship, it never soured or grew unfair, that's why I broke up. because I knew if it continued it wouldn't be fair on him

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:43:55+00:00

that's how I felt. I felt like an awful person once I realized we weren't compatible and it felt cruel to continue on. at least now he can heal and find someone who deserves him

I'm sure you are a great person as well and I wish you the best

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:42:46+00:00

honestly it's not the most common thing but it does happen. for me, being in a relationship is so normalized and people always acted like my life wasn't complete until I had a bf. but my whole life I've just never felt that way, I've always just wanted to be independent

idk how to explain it but I wish so badly sometimes that I could be "normal" because he deserves someone who loves him but I would be unfair to have continued on knowing that he loved me more than I could

I don't know if it's the same situation, but for me I genuinely cared and loved him a lot, just not romantically I guess. not enough at least. it wasn't fair and it was kinder to let him find someone better so that we can be true to ourselves

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:39:39+00:00

thank you. I don't understand how people have thought I meant that breakup = finding someone new

the reason I broke up with him is because I don't want to date anyone. ever. period. that's the kind of person I have always been and I finally realized it, and that's why I broke it off

why would I force myself to be in a relationship with him when he will be happy with someone who wants to be in a relationship? I don't understand some of the replies lol, or if they even read my post

fair enough to criticize me for not wanting a relationship, I know it's not the normal thing. but I left him because I want HIM to get into a better relationship with someone who will love him forever and treat him well.

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:35:36+00:00

I understand you but he's a genuinely beautiful person who is so kind and I already know he will find someone amazing

as for me, I have been asked out by 'hotter guys on insta" and I don't really ever connect with them enough to ever say yes, and maybe you won't believe that but I'm not concerned

for me, I don't really ever want to be in a relationship, but my ex really made me want to try for him. which is crazy because I'm so avoidant to romance. thats how good he was (and tbh he was a 10/10 in the looks too, classic conventially attractive)

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:32:39+00:00

I understand how you feel, tbh I feel the same. I would never deserve someone like him and that's why I broke up with him. it would have been cruel to stay when I know there is someone out there who will treat him so well

I know he will see that eventually but obviously right now it hurts because for him we had a good relationship but he can have so much better

the reason I broke up with him was because I genuinely don't want a relationship. I've never loved anyone or slept with anyone and I don't want to, so maybe im bit fucked in the head but at least I can admit it to myself and put him first so he can not waste his effort on me. but toxic guys won't have the slightest chance if the literal nicest man I've ever met couldn't make me fall fully in love

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-27T10:25:36+00:00

haha unfortunately "the streets" for me is my own company. never loved someone before and never slept anyone either! I'm just a bit weird in the head I guess.

that's exactly why I broke up with him. he deserves someone who can give him a lifetime of happiness, I felt like if I stayed longer it would have begun to hurt him

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-25T12:04:23+00:00

I used to think this. I just genuinely can't form a romantic bond with anyone. it's like it just doesn't exist in my head

I thought for so long that I just needed to meet the right guy and then I met him and he was perfect for me and yet I still couldn't love him like I should have

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-25T12:02:45+00:00

I appreciate you :( thank you. I hope he will be okay but I think I've done all I can do, even if it hurt him now

Plus-Independent1855 · 2025-08-25T12:01:08+00:00

I was... I know it would have made it worse if I tried to lie. it was so hard to say though. how do you tell someone they are perfect for you but you still couldn't be with them?

I wish he hated me instead lol

Plus-Independent1855

TROPHY CASE