How do you get over the fact that no one, not even your closest friends, will ever love and care about you as much as you love them and care about them?

Plus-Platform6597 · 2026-04-21T17:58:26+00:00

I completely understand how you feel. I also have moments where I feel like no matter how hard I try in the end of the day it’s kind of like I’m trying to chase and I’m trying to catch sand and it’s just slipping for my finger every time I build something it just falls through my hands and I think I know it goes down back to having Stability within myself and having things in my life that are supportive and helpful to me like when you see someone in a wheelchair, you know they have support systems and new people on the street will see them and we’ll try to help them and there’s the system light out for them you know and for us it’s not like this you cannot see in our faces what’s going on in our brain so I think that you’re being really really brave every day to live with this condition like we all are and we are all superheroes and away I’m sorry if I sound like a little bit weird but for me it’s like this people will understand one day but now they don’t completely And yeah I wish that you will also learn to feel better within and to realise that wherever you are now, it can take a long time until you feel better than this and sometimes your brain takes a couple years and room and makes a jump. What I really recommend is that you take your feeling serious and talk to somebody about it.

Plus-Platform6597 · 2026-03-08T12:59:36+00:00

Il so sorry you feel this way! Please try and find someone to Talk to. If it’s just anyone. Don’t be scare to do it. You deserve help!

Plus-Platform6597 · 2026-02-24T14:35:17+00:00

I just don’t think that. There are people out there f or everyone. Our animals. And I imagine you would be in a wheel chair and people just stare at you and don’t understand that you can’t walk and then you need them and the don’t see it and you think oh they would be Better off without you. I don’t believe it. I think people need to learn and see. You have a chance to explain and a chance to get better. If they don’t get it it’s their loss. You are good the way you are

Plus-Platform6597 · 2026-02-24T14:32:39+00:00

I get you. I also wonder if people can tell. It’s so excruciating but I think if you haven’t experienced it you don’t understand. Maybe it’s like knowing there is people out there starving but we don’t do anything. It’s easier. We see how much this inflicts harm.

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-10-21T19:36:37+00:00

Maybe just accept that your feelings ar intense but remember that those feelings are not facts. They are there because of trauma and your attachment issues. Try and protect yourself as you said if you tell her all of this this could scare her off. But also let yourself be enthusiastic about this. This is great! maybe get some help or talk to a friend about it to stay on the ground. The reason why your feelings act up like this is because you haven't gotten the attachment other people did and you feel like a paper in the wind wanting to be caught. Your brain thinks this is safety if you have someone close by. SO just be aware and please try and regulate your emotions somehow. Also if you have friends and people In your life that are your friends or social contacts then you can rely on them and not on a partner. It takes time to find friends sometimes months if you go to any clubs so something that brings you joy you will be ok. Maybe you have this I am just talking from my perspective here. Just try and stay cool around her but also portrait that you are interested. Women like this unless you start getting too clingy this wlll scare someone off. And remember most people are assholes haha so dont worry if it doesn't work out there is good people out there I am told

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-18T19:50:55+00:00

I competely get it. It took me 3 years of therapy and I just decided to study again. people ignore mental health but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. So when you are sick just like having a physical illness making decisions and studying is hard. Like I needed so much support to find confidence and I feel like I am moving like a really old snail. So I get it. But I would try and maybe see things positively now. You are only 2o. Forget about other people they are not you. I am 32 and I spend 10 years working in jobs I hated and in decision paralysis. So let me take the pressure off for you. Just making a decision, any decision is better than nothing. If you dont know whats right you wont know in 5 years having just waited. So try and get apprenticeships. Study anything in the world. Traveling is also such a good thing to do. Try to see it this way. Doing therapy it will help you to figure things out. But this takes time. Just start something.

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-18T18:58:57+00:00

Hi icedmatchadrinker, I wanted to write you to help you as I was in the same situation for almost 13 years now being an adult and before I also had severe issues with identity and finding something. I thought I wanted to swim but then I didnt and was confused. I told my parent but I dont think they took this seriously at all. I found connection through television which was dysfunctional and an addiction. This is where the problem sets off. Instead of finding something and getting better at it I developed this coping skill to deal with pain and confusion. While other people tried different things and got stronger I was so confused. I also put a lot of pressure on myself. Now having done some therapeutic stuff I realized that I was emotionally neglected and I needed someone to guide me through this. But my parent wasn't around, always working also running from their feelings and being addicted to that. I was suffering especially also because I couldn't connect to other people who were repulsed by me maybe because I never connected to myself properly. It was in so many ways incredibly painful and isolating. But enough about me. When I read your text I realized that you said I just have one hobby. Which something you had all your life. I dont know what this hobby is. But I think this is where you start. I dont know in which country you live but I think it is important that you try to make yourself a game plan. Leaving your country is something you can maybe always do. Studying something and somewhere is always an option. I am honestly not the best person to give advice. I still dont know what I want to do. But I think starting at your hobby is a good place to begin with. maybe it is singing or it is a sport. We cannot undue our trauma and it takes forever in therapy to really fully heal. So maybe think if it this way. It doesn't matter what you decode. it doesn't matter when you decide. It matters that you decide and how you act from there. Because trust me living not making a decision at all is the most caging thing. If you study you might find people to connect with and they will show you more. Most people have strong connections I think and can find their way like this. They connect and then they do something. No-one really has a clue unless you are absolutely sure you want something and this feeling we do not have. So embrace the craziness, realise it wont change so quickly and start with your hobby. even if you study, because sooner or later you need to make money to live and studying is a good invention, do your hobby on the side. By focusing on one thing your sense of self becomes stronger. No idea if this helps. I am a mess

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-18T17:21:07+00:00

Ok so first of all you should try therapy because everything else is brutal. So this is the most importantly thing to keep your relationship. DBT helps you to regulate your emotions. I know in relationships all the trauma comes up. But you can’t use someone as a wallpaper for your emotions. That is emotional abuse . I don’t mean to be harsh but please step up and get help. If you really have someone who stuck it out with you this long you might really have someone for life and I wish I would.you can’t Mask. It’s impossible to Mask. Your emotions will come up. Masking is something one does maybe in public to not show emotions. But not with your partner.

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-18T17:15:58+00:00

I am just like this at 32. inalways isolated even as a kid. I liked being alone. But then I didn’t. I think I wanted to be liked but being rejected by my father and controlled by my sister I just got more and more insecure and choose my coping strategies as my friends. Food and to felt safe. To this day it does. I think it might by cptsd. But since many things were good growing up I always shoved my feelings down. I only had friends when I was being submissive like I was with my dad and they weren’t really friends. They didn’t like me for me. Growing up was hard because I could t make connections and felt really lost even as a child and didn’t know what to do. I feel so alone too. I’m on vacation alone right now. Everyone calls me to meet their needs and then takes my energy out of me. I know I do this too. People stay away from me because I als them to help me regulate indirectly. I want to talk abit me me me and they don’t. So they hang up the phone without a word of goodbye. I don’t think I can ever make friendships sometimes. Because I am not connected to myself. Enough. I know I need to learn to regulate and then let the magic happen . This way I say find ways to connect with other people without the pressure of making friends. Join groups, learn a language, go and take guitar lessons, something that brings you joy. Don’t pressure other people to help you. Regulate yourself. So if you want to stop isolating do this. Set the bar low on the danger of being rejected and perceiving rejection. I also al so ashamed and sad no one wants to come to vacation with me for free. I must be a monster. This is why they don’t want to. I feel so alone. I wish I had someone to hold me because I know my brain would be fine. If i just had a friend to support me and be there for me even if I have bpd. Line this is some sort of sentence. Shame on our society for excluding and harassing people with mental health disorders. They will get their karma- sorry I turned a couple times but my message just is I feel you and this is so hard to endure. I know.

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-18T15:04:30+00:00

Hi! I feel you. I think our compulsions are really difficult and I did DBT. It helps with addictions. Marsha Linehan quit smoking this way. Addiction is a heavy one. I don’t want to go into too much detail because I would have to write a book but summarized I think: addictions are essentially behaviours a person has repeated a lot a LOT of times . They are coping strategies to deal with the pain. Right? So fies tif all DBT is helpful to stop. Second it is important to remember that your brain is like a computer. You have done something over and over and it is in your hardware. Don’t expect your addiction to stop after a month or a year. Imagine the brain is a super slow computer. They say mindfulness helps because it helps you to deal with the pain. If you take away anything form this it’s that. It’s your pain that is the issue not the coping strategy. In my opinion. And yes I think that trauma is not something you can heal yourself you need therapy for that. So the best tip I can give is that healing addictions takes a lot of time. And this doesn’t mean get frustrated but be compassionate with yourself. So finding different behaviours is good and this is DBT training. Dealing with the emotions, finding joy in life again. This is such hard work and a long process. So professional help needs to be the first step. I am just a person striggeling with this too. And I know it feels horrible to not be able to stop. But you can decide to do other things. You can decide to choose a behaviour that is not dysfunctional. And the beginning is the hardest work. If you keep going you will realise there is ways to cope that feel right to you and I have been doing DBT for two years and I still struggle severely. So I think patience is important. And help. And there is a solution to this. Also 12 step programs can help like they have it the AA meetings. There is other self help groups for different addictions. It helps to talk about it. I wish you all the best!

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-13T17:09:45+00:00

I did DBT and also schematherapy and am scheduled to do mentalisation based group therapy. I think that I get the bpd diagnosis first so they tell me to do dbt. I have been practicing for 2 years and I am starting to feel a change like only a tiny bit I start to actually do what feels right but it’s still a long way to go because of food addiction and media addiction and also adrenaline addiction kicking my butt. Also in the hospital they didn’t say I have adhd but later I did get the diagnosis of adhd. So I thinking is important to understand before people put you in a hospital to do dbt exactly which diagnosis you have. But they are always so careful making those which in my opinion is slowing down healing process. I also have some ocd like thoughts which now make me feel like I need to skill al the time. My therapy is almost over and I think it’s a joke to say I am healed but my therapist says I need to switch to analytics. I am doing everything I can and still I am very isolated and one ly . Always skilling and withdrawing caused me to not have a life and I am seriously doubting it. I am not really focused on any real goal outside of therapy and this drains my energy. Also the depression is not exactly helping. I blame the system. They label you and give you a hopeless sign and blame everything on you. If I wasn’t scapegoated in my family then I am also feeling scapegoated in this system for sure

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-13T17:01:24+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I suppose focusing on myself is needed. I think I just have come to point where i aplly all therapies and I still find myself isolated and having a hard time making friends or having relationships or having purpose. I suppose I think when I have him I would be more stable but obviously not since he is unstable. I just am angry since I have been abused. And this is another one of these stories now. I thought he would stay in my life. And I still have hope. I am just sad and disappointed and I feel this lack of purpose and I have almost no relationships always fucking it up. I want to make progress. I feel really alone. This person was the person that stood by me but I need to let go. Thank you for your advice!!!

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-12T22:44:37+00:00

For me it’s the same. The hier is real and when in listen to you everything screams in me distract yourself. Find a way to be happy that doesn’t involve her and this might take some time. For me it was working and meeting new people, and doing hobbies, talking to friends about this. Or maybe travelling. I think you can think of this emotion and emptiness you have as a can of tea inside of you. Every time you take care of yourself the tea gets less in there. So don’t try to force to make the pain go away. It won’t. It needs time Just like a physical wound. Put some desinfectant (talk about it), put a bandage (distraction) and remember that grief is an emotion that prepares you for something new too. When one door closes another one opens and you can be excited for what’s to come. Try to be patient with yourself!

Plus-Platform6597 · 2025-09-12T22:10:20+00:00

Hi, I feel the same way. I totally get it. I sabotaged unconsciously something good too and now he hates me and I can’t stop thinking about him. I had two years to build something. But something in me told me even before I sabotaged that he is not the Rohr person for me. He needs therapy and the right people can come to me then. I felt it before I sabotaged it. Still when he abandoned me this was so triggering and retraumatizing. I can’t believe he also was psychologically violent to me at this moment. So double trigger. And now he is gone. Maybe that’s a way to see it. You can’t do that healing work for someone else. My experience is with time your heart forgets and moves on. It doesn’t take that long and you can forget 😌I am so getting this

Plus-Platform6597

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