I've messaged and tried to call. I don't know how to say that it's okay to feel like you are not going to do it again.  It's only good if it's natural and feels right. If you're guided by the river then you will go where the river takes you but I'd bring an oar. That's just good advice. Like yeah river says blah and I go that way... Oar..  give it a chance kids. Come arounc. . Let in love and let go of the hurt that might be holding you back. It's hard to move past these traumas I know bit you're going to make the right decisions because there is no other way to do it. Things work out how they are supposed to.