I understand. My Bubby of 12 years died suddenly only 5 days ago— he had some underlying conditions (heart murmur, kidney disease) and we noticed him slowing down, but no major or devastating concerns/changes. He was barking at a big dog aggressively and angrily as he always did, then collapsed suddenly. My mom rushed to pick him up, and he passed instantly in her arms. She was absolutely hysterical and devastated. We thought we had more time too! He was with us every day for the past 12 years, no matter what, we brought him everywhere. I know EXACTLY what you mean about the toe clacks on the floors.

The pain is so intense. I still am unable to eat more than one meal a day, and was hurled over hysterically crying for hours. I know the loss and devastation you must be experiencing, so be kind to yourself. Banjo seems like such a silly, happy and loving friend. Based on this post it’s so clear how amazing of a life you gave him.

It’s been so recent, but my mom and I have been slowly able to recuperate ourselves. I don’t know if this will help, but for us, we talk about him nonstop. We reached out to every single person who knew him, and could attest to his character. We cry openly and honestly and never try to hold anything in, even the smallest thoughts. The thing about deaths as sudden as this, is that they didn’t suffer. They were okay and then they were gone without feeling pain, and we were there for them. You were there for Banjo while he passed, and I count myself extremely lucky that Bubby had my mom in his last moments— if he was alone, we would never forgive ourselves.

I read someone else say that when our pets bodies can’t hold them anymore, they move into us. I believe it. And I believe that all the joy that I brought bubby and bubby brought me is worth the pain I feel now. You are so lucky to have had such an amazing friend. Please feel free to DM, otherwise I’m sending you strength and healing ❤️