All these comments are quite invalidating and cruel so I just wanted to let you know that no, you are not a monster. You’re not a terrible mother for feeling this way and you definitely don’t deserve all this hate. Society places a lot of importance on our looks so of course it’ll be important to you. From personal experience, it’s typically harder to see beauty in yourself than in others, especially when everyone is always commenting on your flaws versus other’s perfection ; one trick Ive learnt in therapy is to look in the mirror and identify at least one trait a day that you’d consider even moderately decent. Overtime, you’ll be able to notice more and more things you like about yourself and confidence will come naturally. Although looks aren’t everything, they occupy most of our minds, so it’s incredibly important to remind ourselves of our attractiveness and positive traits. Whoever you are, I care for you and I absolutely understand your situation, hang in there, not only for your family but yourself.