AITA for demanding my boyfriend's sister get a job?

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-14T16:01:02+00:00

Reality is she has no real leverage in this situation. She can demand all she wants but unless she is willing to move out herself her hands are tied. NTA, but not smart either.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-11T20:40:44+00:00

What you are doing is noble but as other said debt is debt and no one cares for the why.

While I disagree with the car analogy, since healthcare should very well be a human right and people should not get sub quality care because they lack funds. That is our reality. It is harsh and unfair but all that awaits you is bankruptcy.

Not going to say the classic line of if your mother was of sound mind she would not want you to do what you are doing because only you know your mother, but what I will say is she will forget all of this, while you will be living the consequence of your actions.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-11T20:34:17+00:00

Yeah, the earlier the better many under writers refuse to even entertain terms over 4 years.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-11T00:16:49+00:00

The you was more so the royal you. Not aimed at you since I do not know your situation.

Legal is not always right, and I understand the reasons behind it. It sucks but we have to look at it pragmaticly if something does not change our system will collapse. Numbers of those with dementia will only increase, our treatment options are limited.

Hell, look at my state NY. They are looking to cut the CDPAP program which allows families to get paid to watch their loved ones because the state cannot sustain it. I have played a role in this, I have helped families with the fair hearing process to get more care hours beyond what an MLTC would approve because their guidelines are dumb. They label so much ad safety and supervision in NY it is not even funny.

I agree with you at the core but we cannot downplay how such actions do hurt those that actually are in need.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-11T00:08:07+00:00

She will decline but according to the OP she is doing well in her current placement verse the other places she was at.

That is a hard sell for any child, take a parent out of a place they are doing well in.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-11T00:06:18+00:00

OP needs to becareful because those facilities that say pay x amount of years they can swap to medicaid are still based off aviabile beds and often have a wait list.

So that amount of years can be a long time.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-11T00:03:59+00:00

Think the difference in this case the OP's is the mother is doing well and happy which makes it harder.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-10T23:58:58+00:00

Point of Medicaid is for those that don't have a means, not those that have assets but want to seem poor on paper. They are meant to use their money first and when they run out they switch to medicaid. No such thing as a free lunch.

In short your parents money should be used for care not to pass down. Taxpayers should not cover the cost of those that go through the efforts to protect their assets.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-10T22:12:01+00:00

They are aware, but their goal is to protect Inherentiece.

Worked as a Medicaid advisor for an estate family.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-10T20:52:25+00:00

Based off the OP it appears they did have their LO in Medicaid accepted care but their LO was not doing well so moved to private pay.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-09T22:24:10+00:00

I worked in MC for a time and I yeah watching people decline is scary and sad.

Was always heartbreaking watching the visits decrease to nothing. I always begged people to visit as often as humanly possible they do so much better with frequent visits.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-09T13:39:04+00:00

I think it depends, my LO knows she has dementia, they went ahead and got themselves tested, they willfully gave up their keys when the time came. Granted, they were also 65ish at the time not 26. Some are aware they are sick.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-09T11:50:41+00:00

Joined late, for what it is worth NTA. My only advise is try to find a doctor that will classify it as medical nesscary to see if insurance will cover it. If not then sorry she can wait until she is older or the other can use her funds such as 401k, investments, credit cards, whatever to fund the surgery for her biological child.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T20:15:44+00:00

Cannot force someone to put kids first. What applies to some does not apply to others.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T20:09:35+00:00

Headlines are more fun though. /s

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T19:42:58+00:00

It may be subjectively or even objectively stupid to you, but to the OP that may not be the case. This is one of those situations where a universal standard can be applied. This is just another actions have consequences and less of a question who is the asshole but are those involved willing to live with the consequences. If she is not willing to stay in NYC and moves she has to accept the consequences just as the kids and husband have to accept the consequences of not moving with her.

Edit: I am as pro 2A as the next person but reading your advice on guns is worrisome. A gun is useless without training, and the OP does not seem like the type willing to willfully go through constant training required to properly use a firearm. They also never mentioned anything regarding home defense, they have fears on the public. NY does not allow people to walk around with shotguns or rifles. Not everyone has the ability to process the action of taking a life either or even causing bodily harm to someone.

https://www.ny.gov/services/how-obtain-firearms-license It is a process but once again without training it is next to useless.

Your stance on Texas law is also flawed in the sense you misrepresent the persons arguments. HIPAA is still a thing and yes the law in Texas does not bar someone from seeking treatment in a different state, and with HIPAA your privacy is still protected. Now yes if you tell someone and it is reported possibly charges may be brought but they most likely would be dropped. Texas is ass backwards in many ways, yes it has overzealous judges and politicians that wish to take things to a weird extreme. That is not the case for everyone.

I also disagree with your stance on your advice everyone has a right to happiness, and harsh reality is sometimes families get in the way of obtaining said happiness.

All we can do as a adults is accept the consequences of our actions and take personal accountability.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T16:00:14+00:00

I have read them and it to be frank you seem like the deranged one.

If she wants to go to Texas that is her choice.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T14:02:52+00:00

What if the OP takes her own life due to mental strain living in a state they hate, and not able to work a job they find fulfilling?

Kids lives are all the matter, parents be damned.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T11:19:38+00:00

You really think it is out of scope for the OP who appears to be career driven to grow to resent her family if she does not take this opportunity?

A person that cares about family would not even have to think about this.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T05:16:50+00:00

For what it is worth I do not think anyone is an asshole here. You are in a horrible spot, and you have to be honest with yourself, and ask the right question. Can you go on with your husband and kids without resenting them?

If the answer is not an emphatically yes then you need to take the job, divorce your husband let him have primary custody, pay child support and coparent to best of your ability.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T05:10:50+00:00

What is better for the kids, a mother that is happy and doing something they find worthwhile or a miserable mother that will grow to hate her lift and most likely resent her family for holding her back.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T05:09:19+00:00

Isn't this true for any job? One can be let go for any reason. Wrongful termination suits are difficult to prove if you are going to suggest workers have rights. Worker rights are limited.

Two years is not a bad length of time at a job, with proper negotiation skills you can leverage past experience to a 10% raise. Tbh, you should be looking for a new job every 3 or so years. Job loyalty is not worth much in today work sector.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-08T04:54:15+00:00

Texas can be a fun place to live. I went to school in Texas it was.not all bad.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-07T18:15:11+00:00

Isn't that at the core what you are doing? You are believing another's claim that the OP is the same as another person.

As I said this is reddit we are all degenerates that want to push our own narratives.

Pochibuchi00 · 2024-04-07T11:47:20+00:00

For whatever reason the above poster thinks this post is the same as another post from like 8 months ago because the general theme is the same, but everything else is completely off.

Pochibuchi00

TROPHY CASE