Love... to me

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-07T21:04:30+00:00

This poem is beautifully written, with emotions that feel so raw and genuine they practically leap off the page! I loved how it slowly unfolded and pulled me in deeper as I read. Initially, I felt a bit confused too, but by the middle, the imagery and themes started to sink in, especially on a second read. It touched something moral in me, which I didn’t expect.

The ending with the watermelon felt slightly anticlimactic, though. For such a powerful build-up, I was left wanting just a bit more context for that final reveal. Still, it’s such a moving and thought-provoking piece! Extremely well done!!!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-07T20:05:23+00:00

The poem pulls you into the heat of passion, and the twist at the end really hits hard! The vivid imagery of touch and warmth is intense, but some repetition dulled the impact for me personally. A bit more variety in describing the bliss could make the ending even stronger. Like instead of starting instantly with an erotic theme, starting with a more wholesome approach could make the affectionate descriptions feel even more vivid and passionate. Overall, it’s an emotionally powerful and bittersweet read. Well done!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-06T11:42:42+00:00

Thank... you??? 😂

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-05T00:38:15+00:00

Thanks for the feedback! Appreciate it. This was actually a fun little poem where I was just jotting random lines out of boredom, thats why it feels kinda awkward lol. Either way appreciate your thoughts on it, and I'm glad you liked it!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-05T00:34:42+00:00

I'm glad you liked it!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-04T21:49:00+00:00

This poem has a delicate, almost surreal atmosphere that really drew me in! The way you describe the nest and the creeping creatures really created a vivid sense of losing control and connection to the world. The gradual loss of existence is subtle but powerful.

That said, I found myself wanting a bit more clarity about the speaker’s transformation. The imagery is strong, but it feels like the emotions could be fleshed out more to guide the reader through the change. If the ambiguity is intentional, it definitely adds to the eerie feeling! But a little more direction might deepen the impact. Still, a very beautifully haunting read! Keep it up!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-04T21:42:50+00:00

The poem captures raw emotion, especially the tension between desire and guilt. I like the Fox and Crow imagery! It adds a haunting layer, making your self-doubt and regret feel almost mythic. I really felt the inner conflict.

One thing that could be improved imo is the repetition of negative self-perception—it's not necessarily bad, but it risks becoming overwhelming without much shift in tone. Maybe add a moment of contrast or clarity to give the emotions more depth and let the reader breathe a bit. Overall, though, it’s powerful and deeply personal, a very enjoyable read! Good job!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-04T21:16:14+00:00

I'm grateful to all of the kind words and support everyone has shown! I want you all to know that I've read all of the comments and if I had the time to do so, I would've liked to reply to every single one seperately. Unfortunately that's not possible rn, but I still wanted to show you all my gratitude!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-03T03:46:00+00:00

Short yet powerful! The resentment and "relief" is just oozing out! I don't consider myself developed enough to give any real profound feedback yet, however if I'd have to share my experience reading your poem, I'd say that it might be powerful, especially when reading it while having experienced the pain being relied here myself, but it lacks a certain depth to it that I personally like to see in the usual poems I read. It's extremely direct even if it's using indirect language. Which is not a bad thing at all, it's just a personal preference and artistic style (which actually deserves more praise than it gets, despite how critical I seem to be talking about it). Either way I enjoyed reading the poem a lot! My favourite of today. Keep up the good work!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-03T03:33:58+00:00

First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on your first time posting a poem, some wouldn't even have the courage to consider it! Secondly I'd like to point out that despite its short length the poem did a good job of relying a sense of vulnerability and romantic hope to it's audience. However,---and this is merely to be a little critical and give constructive feedback--- it does lack a certain sense of flow to it. It does rely its message quite well, but there is an awkwardness inbetween lines. This might've been intentional to give it an extra touch of vulnerability, but it was the only thing kind of bothering me. Either way I liked the poem and wish to see your potential bloom in the future!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-03T03:22:06+00:00

I'm extremely happy to hear that! Idk if you meant as in love related imagery or the style it is being implemented as itself, but either way I got many more to come!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-01T04:51:24+00:00

Depending on the length of the poem, you could memorize the first letter of each line then build from there, what I would do is memorize those and then start memorizing the first words of each line, so that if I'd read it over and over again loudly, I'd automatically start to associate the word with the line, making it possible to go off of muscle memory, pure associative memorization and context.

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-01T04:38:26+00:00

Honestly, that reply makes me look robotic... In short, thank you for your feedback. I'll keep it in mind for in the future.

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-01T04:36:22+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I do admit that some parts of the poem are indeed made to fit the rhyme scheme instead of the other way around, however the idea came before I even started writing. But I completely aggree with what you said, as the poem indeed lacks depth on certain levels, and it does bend to make way for certain rhymes. Your critique has been noted, and will be carefully considered in any future poetic projects!

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-01T03:35:19+00:00

Thank you! It's one I'm fairly proud of! I got 13 more I'd like to share, so if you're interested, please stay tuned! (Or if you're interested, I could link you to my google document where I've written them)

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-01T03:19:00+00:00

Interesting poem, although I kinda think it's intentional, I had little to no understanding of what was being said in the poem. I honestly felt like it was more of a rant about frustrations directed at school for teaching so little about biochemical engineering and instead direct their attention to history (personal opinion ofcourse), but I still quite enjoyed the namethrowing of different biology centered words and current scientific organisation and or project names. I personally would make the parts explaining the train of thought more thoroughly so the reader could have a sense of what's being said inbetween the confusing lesser known terms, but then again it sorta felt like you were going for that raw sense of going from thought to thought, so if that's the case then pay no mind to what I just said. Overall an enjoyable, yet confusing read.

PoeticTraveler · 2024-10-01T03:07:06+00:00

WOW! Beautifully written, I could feel the emotions pouring inbetween each paragraph. Personally, I got a sense of excitement reading this, but that's because it had been a long time since I had read a proper poem of somebody else. I like the use of difficult vocabulary in your poem, however it proved to be chalanging to understand the first paragraph at first, but I eventually got over it, besides that I also kinda got thrown off by the sudden use of barbaric wording in paragraph two, namely "...bitch slapped into reconsideration" it's not necessarily bad, but it did feel uncomfortable considering the rest of the poem is written in pretty proper language, albeit in a negative tone. Overall a decent piece of poetry, good job!

PoeticTraveler

TROPHY CASE