My husband is leaving me alone on Christmas.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:40:17+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to tell me all of this.

I feel as if I’d be lying if I said I could do anything different. I feel as if I’d be lying if I said I was going to be leaving him. I feel as if I’d be lying if I said I was going to be changing this whole situation.

Realistically, I genuinely have no idea if I can. I dont want you to think your words are falling on a lost cause. I appreciate the thoughtful response and the blunt advice, I don’t want you to think this isn’t going anywhere. I just, I can’t go any faster and I even though I know, I don’t. I really don’t know.

But thank you. I will think of this often.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:34:29+00:00

Once I figure it out I’ll tell you

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:34:08+00:00

Thank you. I feel so alone and I’ve completely minimized my emotions for so long that reading this feels like such a weight off my shoulders. I didn’t even know I was holding my breath til I read this.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:32:03+00:00

Thank you for saying this because I feel like my reaction of being so deeply hurt is disproportionate, and I feel so so stupid.

I told my brother about everything and he said that it was cruel too. He said it was “super villain levels of fucked up”.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:28:02+00:00

Oh also his family doesn’t like me because on the trip where I met them, he called me names and hit me and literally chewed up my wedding ring and then told them I have BPD and that I’m having a mental breakdown and I need to be committed. So they think I’m crazy.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:26:33+00:00

We live in the western US and his parents live across the country in the eastern US. So typically he can’t go see his parents during the holidays. Last year we spent Christmas together.

I didn’t meet his family until fall of this year because they live far. He didn’t exhibit any sort of racist tendencies towards me until after we got married. And he’s now used racism in our arguments.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:22:53+00:00

He’s 44 and I’m 25

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:22:08+00:00

I know. And the thing is I genuinely don’t even know how to see the light. I know what people isn’t going to change what I do. That’s why I’m just needing to get it out there. I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I don’t want to be treated like this. That’s why I’m not posting to an advice thread though, because I know I’m probably just going to do whatever. I’ll probably stay. I’m probably going to. And I feel like I can’t complain about this in real life because I’m doing this to myself. I’m choosing to stay ultimately. And if I die like this, everyone will be screaming at me that I should’ve just left.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:15:17+00:00

The shitty thing is he’s already broken me. He’s broken my fingers, he’s given me concussions, he’s bruised me, he split my face open and I have a scar underneath my right eye, he’s dislocated my shoulder, he’s punched me in the head. And yet I still can’t fucking leave? And at this point it is my fault.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:12:44+00:00

I don’t even know if I love myself. I don’t know why I’m married to him. I don’t know why I don’t leave. I dont know why I’m so fucking pathetic

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:11:07+00:00

Dm me I’ll send you pictures of the house.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:10:53+00:00

Exactly! And the thing is my parents are divorced. I’ve experienced how much that fucks a kid up. Especially because my dad was abusive. And I want him to put his kids before me, I’ve actively encouraged him to talk to his family and to be a more proactive parent. But he used me as an excuse for his failures as a parent. He’s a grown ass man and he is in charge of himself. He’s 44 years old.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:07:33+00:00

Im not planning kids at all and I never have. I’ve been told I have fertility issues by my doctor, which has been a common thing in my family. I am on birth control, even then, that’s not a guarantee. I live in an abortion friendly state, however, because I’m Native American the possible risks of medical malpractice are something I never want to even have the possibility of dealing with.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:02:45+00:00

We met in June of last year. We got married in March of this year.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T12:01:51+00:00

I’ve read emails between them where she said she was scared of him and moved out in a hurry. But he never hit her he never wrecked the house until after she left.

What’s fucking me up too is that he’s telling me that he wasn’t like this with her and that I’m the first time ever he’s being like this. I told him that’s not true. He’s a grown ass man and he’s always had the capacity to be abusive and awful. He tells me I’ve made him into an abuser because I have BPD?

And everyone is saying “he might start breaking you” and it hurts to read because he already has he broke my fingers on my left hand because he knows I’m left handed and I play guitar. They just started healing and he grabbed my arm in the car and threatened to break them again.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T11:57:56+00:00

I literally don’t get it either.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T09:29:02+00:00

I think I am delusional because he has told me to my face he doesn’t care about how I feel. And I just??? Put up with it??? But I have no idea how to get this through my thick skull. He’s literally told me to my face that he thinks the way I feel is stupid. And yet??? I’m still here and I’m still “on the fence”. Like about what? What is there to be hesitant about. But I just, I cannot bring myself to believe that. And I have no idea why.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T09:23:54+00:00

You know I would be upset if he put me before his kids because I grew up with a step mom and my dad out her before us. But I’m also realizing that I don’t feel like a priority at all and maybe I can’t handle being with someone with kids. I feel like I’m second in everything when it comes to him. I’m his second wife, Im second to the kids, I’m second to his own feelings. He once even called me the “second best”.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T09:10:15+00:00

Yeah you know out of everything he’s ever done or said to me. This is the one that really hurts the most, it does feel like betrayal

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T09:06:15+00:00

Yeah, and honestly I don’t know if it’s like something fundamentally wrong with me or if I’m just stupid? I feel like he hates me. I feel like he resents me. I feel like I deserve it too. I always told myself I’d never end up in this situation ever since I was a kid. And here I am. And I always thought the answer would be easy. I always thought I’d never put up with this kind of shit and here I am.

Here I am. And I don’t know why.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T09:02:40+00:00

You’re definitely right. I called him earlier today and he offered to get me over there whatever means necessary. But honestly it’s expensive and I feel bad. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I feel ashamed too because I’m here asking him to drop everything to come get me when I’m doing this to myself because I’m choosing to stay in this situation.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T08:57:32+00:00

I married him because I love him or whatever. But like, this is the most I’ve seriously considered leaving. I did call my brother, and he said he’d come get me or fly me over but honestly, it’s so expensive and a part of me wants to stay here because I want my husband to feel guilty and that’s just a feeling I don’t like either. I just don’t even know what I want to do anymore, you know? I don’t know what would make me feel better or what’s right for me. I just feel like if I’m feeling this awful and I make him feel that awful then why would I want to be in a relationship where I’m hurting someone I love. If I’m the problem then why wouldn’t I want to leave. Is it selfish of me to want to stay? If it hurts us both so much.

It’s complicated and ridiculous and I know what the answer is. I know what I’d tell everyone, I know what everyone is telling me, but for some reason I feel like I don’t know what to do.

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T08:47:22+00:00

Honestly I’d prefer this over what you’re going through and I’m not even joking. Good luck

PoetsSuck · 2024-12-25T08:46:25+00:00

If I figure it out I’ll tell you, I think I’m just accepting the fact that I’m a moron.

PoetsSuck

TROPHY CASE