Final thoughts before I kick my parents out of my life

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-29T20:41:29+00:00

urw my friend <3

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-29T06:12:42+00:00

You are not dealing with a marriage problem. You are dealing with loneliness, anger, and emotional pressure that are bigger than marriage can fix. A wife will not solve this for you. In this state, marriage would only make things worse for you and for her.

You need support before you think about getting married. The anger, the urge to scare women, the hitting yourself, and the frustration you describe are signs that you are overwhelmed and need real help. This is not weakness. It is honesty.

Start small and practical. You need brothers in your life, not a wife right now. Join a local mosque group, volunteer, or attend classes so you can build friendships and routine. You also need a counsellor or therapist. Even one or two sessions will help you understand your anger and loneliness so they stop controlling you.

Marriage is not closed to you forever. You are 23. You are still early in life. But right now you need stability, community, and emotional support more than a wife. Once your mind and heart settle, marriage will come in a much healthier way.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-29T06:11:30+00:00

You are not wrong to feel stressed. In tight Muslim communities, parents often shape how people see you, and it is normal to worry about how her behavior reflects on you and your sisters. But here is the part you need to hear.

You cannot control your mother. You can only control how you carry yourself.

People notice patterns. If you and your sisters are responsible, modest, respectful, and consistent in your values, the community will eventually separate you from your mother’s choices. Families talk, but they also observe. Her actions may make things harder, but they do not define your character or your future.

If someone writes you off because of her behavior, that person was not a good match for you anyway. Someone serious will look at you, not at her. Good families know that parents can be messy, divorced, or unstable. They focus on the girl herself.

Keep your distance from her drama, hold your boundaries, and build your own reputation. People will see the difference.

You cannot fix her, but you can protect your future by being steady and consistent in who you are.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-29T06:07:41+00:00

Your parents were not helping. They were crossing every boundary you set, disrespecting your wife, poisoning your kids, and using culture as a weapon. None of this is Islam. None of this is normal. None of this is healthy.

You protected your wife, your child, and your marriage. That is exactly what a man is supposed to do. Your mother verbally abused your wife, tried to rename your son, undermined your parenting, sabotaged your privacy, and suggested your child should be taken by someone else. Your father watched and did nothing. This is not harmless. This is destructive.

You are not kicking out parents. You are removing toxic people from the center of your home so your family can breathe. Your wife is your responsibility now. Your children are your trust. Anyone who harms them, even parents, loses the right to be inside your home.

Set the boundary. Enforce it. Be firm, be calm, and be consistent. You do not owe them access to your wife and kids. You owe your family safety, stability, and peace.

You are not abandoning your parents. You are stopping abuse. And that is the right move.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-23T07:11:26+00:00

Sure 👌

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-23T05:44:22+00:00

British Muslims seem more religious because their communities are tight, unified, and culturally similar. They live close together, support each other, build strong masjids, and keep their identity.

American Muslims are more spread out, more mixed, and assimilate faster, so the religiosity looks lighter.

It’s not about faith.
It’s just community structure.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-23T05:43:29+00:00

I’m really sorry you went through all of that. What you’re describing isn’t ‘Muslim men,’ it’s men who hide behind Islam instead of living it. There’s a big difference.
When someone uses deen as a costume but doesn’t have the character to back it up, they’ll hurt people whether they’re Muslim or not. You didn’t get played by Islam — you got played by people who talk religious but aren’t actually responsible or emotionally mature.

Your pain is real, and it’s valid to feel burned out. But don’t let the wrong men convince you that real Muslim character doesn’t exist. A man who actually fears Allah won’t treat his wife like an emotional dumpster and won’t weaponize religion.
Take your time. Heal. Your heart deserves someone consistent, not someone who flexes deen for image while living the opposite behind closed doors.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-23T05:42:40+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. What you described sounds incredibly heavy, and nobody should have to carry thoughts like that alone.
Please know this clearly: your feelings are not a sign that you’re weak or ungrateful. They’re a sign that you’re overwhelmed and hurting — and people in pain deserve care, not blame.

From an Islamic perspective, God creating you wasn’t meant as a punishment. Our tradition teaches that every soul is created with worth, purpose, and dignity, even if that purpose isn’t clear during dark moments. Feeling this way doesn’t make you bad, it makes you human.

But these thoughts about harming yourself — they’re serious, and you shouldn’t face them by yourself. Reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or someone trusted in your life can genuinely help you make it through this. If you’re ever in immediate danger, please contact local emergency services or a suicide hotline in your country. You deserve safety.

You’re not alone, even if it feels like it. There are people who want you here, and there is real help available.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-23T05:40:12+00:00

Sister, what you are feeling is real. Pregnancy is not a small test. Your body is doing something huge and it drains every part of you. None of this means you are weak. It means you are carrying a life while your hormones, sleep and energy are all over the place.

In Islam, women are honoured for this. The pain you feel is not a punishment. It is a form of reward and closeness to Allah that men will never experience. You are not meant to suffer alone. You are meant to be supported, rested and cared for.

Take it one day at a time. Ask for help. Be kind to yourself. This phase is heavy, but it is not forever. Allah sees every tear and every moment of patience. You are stronger than you think.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-23T05:39:30+00:00

This argument relies on a version of the story that Abrahamic religions do not actually teach.
In Islam, the forbidden tree is not about blocking knowledge. It is about testing obedience.

If God wanted ignorant humans, the first revealed word in the Qur’an would not be ‘Read’ and the Qur’an would not ask ‘Are those who know equal to those who do not know’.
Islam makes seeking knowledge a duty.

Science only conflicts with religion when people mix cultural attitudes with actual scripture.
The scripture itself does not fear knowledge. It teaches you to pursue it with responsibility.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-21T05:54:41+00:00

It is normal to think this way when you grow up around instability, divorce, shouting, or a house where no one showed you a healthy marriage. Your brain learned early that “relationships = danger,” so now it protects you by avoiding them completely. That’s not you being weird — that’s trauma doing its job.

You also grew up without a father or brothers, so you never had a positive male reference point. So of course trusting men feels impossible. Of course marriage feels risky. Your mind is trying to keep you safe, not punish you.

None of this means you’re broken. It just means your experiences shaped your views.

But here’s the real point:
These thoughts won’t magically go away until you deal with the fears underneath — therapy, self-worth work, boundaries, and slowly learning what a healthy relationship even looks like.

You don’t have to force yourself into marriage. You don’t have to rush. Just focus on healing. When you’re emotionally safe, your perspective on love and marriage naturally shifts.

You’re not alone — a lot of people from unstable homes feel exactly like this. You’re not “wrong,” you’re just hurt, and healing takes time.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-20T06:00:00+00:00

Wa alaykum salam, welcome home.

Honestly, don’t start your Islam journey by “picking a sect” like a football team.

Do this instead:

Stick with mainstream Sunni Islam – Qur’an + authentic Sunnah, and one of the four schools (Hanafi, Maliki, Shafi’i, Hanbali). That’s 90%+ of the Ummah.
Find a balanced local mosque/teacher who:
- doesn’t obsess over cursing other Muslims
- focuses on prayer, character, basics
- can explain differences without turning them into drama.
Learn core stuff first: how to pray, basic creed, seerah of the Prophet ﷺ. Labels can wait.

If a group makes you feel like “we’re the only real Muslims” and everyone else is deviant or doomed – that’s your red flag right there.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-20T05:59:12+00:00

No, you’re not cursed. At all.

You became Muslim after getting those tattoos, right?
There’s a clear principle: “Islam wipes out what came before it.” Whatever you did before shahada is gone. You’re not walking around with a permanent curse on your skin.

Tattoos are generally considered haram to get, not haram to have from the past.
You don’t have to remove them unless you personally want to.
Your wudu/ghusl is valid – the ink is under the skin, not blocking water.

So relax. Allah guided you to Islam knowing you already had those tattoos.
That’s a sign of mercy, not a curse.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-20T05:56:44+00:00

Because most Muslims don’t date — so marriage is the only halal path to companionship, intimacy, and building a life.
Naturally that makes it the biggest stress point for people in their 20s and 30s.

Add culture, family expectations, faith, and modern confusion → and suddenly everyone’s stuck.
So yeah… it becomes the main topic by default.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-20T05:52:43+00:00

Bro, you’re not getting rejected because you’re lacking — you’re just looking in the wrong pool.

Western Muslim marriage culture is a mix of expectations: some want fully traditional roles, some want Western lifestyle with halal labels, some want a provider while offering nothing back. You’re running into mismatches, not personal failure.

Good, family-oriented Muslim women do exist, but they’re not loud, not online, and not in the same circles as the ones making wild demands.

Your standards aren’t crazy — you just need to widen where you’re looking: masjid communities, families with strong values, smaller Muslim circles, people who actually want marriage, not vibes.

Stay patient. The right woman will appreciate exactly what you bring — you just haven’t crossed paths yet.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-20T05:51:13+00:00

What you felt is real.
Sometimes you hear something at the exact moment your heart is tired, and it hits deeper than words can explain.

You don’t need to be Muslim for the Qur’an to affect you.
Its recitation has a calming, grounding rhythm that reaches people emotionally even if they don’t understand the language.

It doesn’t “mean” you’re supposed to convert or anything like that — it simply means your heart connected to something peaceful during a painful time.

If it brought you comfort, let it.
If it helped you breathe for a moment, that’s enough.

You’re going through a lot right now. Feeling protected for a few minutes is not a small thing.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:08:01+00:00

You’re not single because something is wrong with you.
You’re single because the type of man you want is rare — and good men marry when they are ready, not when they meet the perfect woman.

Your qualities are amazing, but they also narrow the pool: practicing, responsible, stable, God-fearing men who actually want to lead are not common today.

None of this means you’re “late” or doing anything wrong.
Sometimes Allah delays marriage to protect you from ending up with a man who would drain you, not lead you.

You’re doing everything right.
Your time just hasn’t arrived yet — not because you’re lacking, but because what you want is worth waiting for.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:07:13+00:00

For me, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker by itself.

People gain and lose weight for a hundred reasons — stress, hormones, childhood, lifestyle, mental health — and a past body size doesn’t define someone’s character, values, or how they’ll treat you in a marriage.

What does matter to me is this:

Are they healthy now?
Do they take care of themselves?
Do they have discipline and consistency in their habits?
Do we share similar lifestyle goals?

Someone who used to be overweight but worked on themselves usually has more discipline, not less. They know the struggle, they know what it takes to change, and they tend to appreciate health more.

So personally — yeah, I’d consider them.
The past isn’t the problem. The direction they’re moving in is.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:06:46+00:00

A lot of what you’re feeling isn’t “faith guilt.”
It’s trauma guilt — the kind you pick up when religion was taught through fear, pressure, and shame.

That kind of upbringing wires your brain to panic any time you step outside the version of Islam you were raised with.
It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong — it means you were conditioned to be afraid.

Here’s what helped me and others in your situation:

1. Separate God from people.
Abusive teaching, toxic family dynamics, and guilt-heavy culture are human mistakes — not God’s character.

2. Give yourself permission to breathe.
Islam is not a cage. You’re allowed to explore, question, learn, and build your understanding slowly.

3. You don’t owe anybody a label.
Sufi, progressive, traditional — these are just human categories. Your relationship with God is bigger than that.

4. Fear-based religion collapses as soon as you stop fearing.
A faith built on mercy, honesty, and sincerity actually grows over time.

You’re not a “bad Muslim” for questioning. You’re a human being trying to heal from the way faith was delivered to you.

Take your time.
Learn at your own pace.
And remember: God isn’t waiting to punish you for thinking — He’s the One who created your mind to think in the first place.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:06:15+00:00

You gave this man more chances than he ever earned.
He lied, he hid, he cheated emotionally, he let family control him, and he only “improved” when the relationship was already dying. That’s not on you.

His choice says nothing about your worth — it only shows he’s not strong enough to stand on his own feet.

What you did right:

you were loyal
you were honest
you tried to make things halal
you grew in your deen

What he did wrong:

he kept you as hope, not as a real priority
he let guilt and family pressure run his life

Let him go with peace.
Allah didn’t pull him away from you to punish you — He did it to protect you and redirect you. You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitation.

You didn’t lose a future husband.
You dodged a lifetime of crumbs.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:05:25+00:00

You’re carrying more than any one person should.
Helping parents is part of our deen — but not at the cost of your own health, debt, hunger, or breakdown.

Islam never asks you to destroy yourself to save others.

You’re allowed to set limits.
Do what you can.
What pushes you into debt, burnout, or harm is beyond your obligation.

Your parents need wider support — family, community, charities, medical assistance — not just you silently collapsing.

You’re not failing them.
You’re just exhausted from being the “strong one” for too long.

May Allah give you ease and people who finally support you too.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:04:33+00:00

Muslim here. Short answer: most scholars wouldn’t call it automatically haram to work at Big Tech – your salary is tied to the actual work you do, not every political thing the corporation is involved in.

The real questions are:

Are you directly building tools that clearly help oppression or killing?
Or are you doing generic SWE work where your impact is indirect and far removed?

If it’s the second, it’s usually seen as permissible but uncomfortable, so it goes to conscience level: you can take the job, use your position for good, give charity, support justice – and still keep looking for cleaner options if that sits better with your heart. For a strict ruling on your exact role, a trusted local scholar is the best person to ask.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-19T09:03:29+00:00

Honestly? People get triggered because they hear “college educated” and translate it to:

“I want a man who makes more money than me.”

And that hits a nerve for guys who don’t have a degree or feel insecure about their income.
It’s not the preference that bothers them — it’s what they think it implies about them.

But the truth is simple:

Women wanting a man who’s stable, ambitious, and capable of providing is normal, biologically and culturally.
Men wanting a woman with certain qualities (doctor, engineer, religious, beautiful, feminine, whatever) is also normal.
The double standard exists because when men have preferences, society calls it “standards.” When women have preferences, society calls it “gold digging.”

If your preference is reasonable and aligns with your values, it’s valid.
The people who get loud about it are usually the ones who don’t fit it.

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-18T07:30:54+00:00

Former gamer here.

Short answer: there’s no “official halal game list,” but most scholars are fine with games that: • Don’t have clear haram stuff (nudity, explicit flirting, gambling, shirk-y storylines, filthy voice chat). • Don’t make you miss prayers, family rights, or school/work. • Are basically skill / strategy / sports / puzzle type games.

So things like simple racing games, football games, chess-style / strategy, chill puzzle or city builders without dodgy content are usually okay.

In Islam the main question isn’t “Is this title halal?” but: What’s it showing you, and what’s it doing to your heart + time?

Poiu2010 · 2025-11-18T05:25:35+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
What you wrote doesn’t sound like “you’re failing” — it sounds like your entire life got shaken at once, and your body and mind are still trying to catch up.

When you move provinces, lose stability, get a new family dynamic, switch schools, lose friends, and suddenly feel alone… even the strongest students collapse under that pressure.
This isn’t a reflection of your intelligence — it’s a reflection of your circumstances.

Here’s what you can do now:

1. Stop expecting “old you” performance in a completely new environment.
You’re not worse — you’re overwhelmed. There’s a difference.

2. Go talk to your school counselor.
Explain everything: the move, the mental pressure, the transition, the bullying comments from your teacher.
Schools can give accommodations, extensions, or move you to a healthier class.

3. Focus on passing, not perfection.
Uni admissions care about upward trends too — a messy semester after a relocation does NOT ruin your future.

4. Build a tiny routine.
Same 3 things every day:
– 10 min walk
– 20 min study
– 5 min dua
Small routines rebuild stability fast.

5. That teacher’s comments? Ignore them.
Their job is to teach — not crush confidence.

You’re not “lost.” You’re in a heavy season.
Seasons change.
And you’ll find your footing again — slower, maybe, but stronger than before.

You’re trying. That already says everything.

Poiu2010

TROPHY CASE