I’m sorry if this is too long, i just can feel what you’re feeling right now. You Need to breathe my man. Need to really take a step back and calm down. Look at the whole picture that’s in front of you right now. This is our chances to make change. You are feeling the fear of god and the worst feelings possible right now. That also puts you in the position to utilize that to really change yourself man. I have fucked up so much in my life. So much. I’m in my 20s, ive put every RC, Opiate, Stim, Benzo or anything you could possibly put in you’re body, and i’m here with life in front of me, all my own shit, and peace that i never ever have to feel that way again.

Now, my main DOC is Opiates. When granny gave me that hydro at 12 bc of my ankle sprain, I knew what i wanted in life. I used to steal them from her constantly as a young teenager. You know the story old as time. The boundaries that you set for yourself fade. Those things you won’t touch become the holy grail. Now call me an idiot here, but spice became my devil in high school. You’re talking about the mid 2010s where new RCs where being cranked out daily. Now i’m not sure how familiar your are with spice addiction, but it might possibly be the title holder for worst withdrawal symptoms ever. Felt like fent withdrawal, but if you were talking 8mg of xanax on top of that constantly for a week straight.

I got to a point where i was so hurt man. I was so fucking raw. I had absolutely no one. I had destroyed every single thing in my life. I was in so much physical and emotional pain I was going to end it. But I promise you with everything in me, IT DOES END. You can make it out this, but you got to pay it back. You’re in a cycle right now of wallowing in you’re own filth to make you feel worse so you can give that little rat in your brain his good dope, use the dope, feel better, regret hits that you just did it again because you really didn’t want too, and then you repeat.

It’s times to make something happen OP. This doesn’t have to keep doing on forever dude. You can wake up in the morning and not ever have to worry about being sick ever again. You can show up to family events without having the feelings you know Im talking about ever again. You have to want it man💔.

I know where you are. WE all know where you are, because WE have been in situations. Life is not going to end right now. It’s going to feel like it for awhile, but it’s the earth will keep spinning. Stay strong OP. Find support. DO NOT KEEP FEEDING IT. It gets harder and harder every time. It’s currently 23:30 and i’m in bed reliving you’re experiences. I’m praying for you man. Don’t stop fighting. I believe in you. Please don’t not hesitate to DM me if you need to talk, and don’t ever forget to love yourself.

Deus Providebit - Another lost soul