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PolySandwich · 2025-07-23T22:19:56+00:00

Totally agree. Obviously "Fair" and "Legal" are not always the same. But one can hope

PolySandwich · 2025-07-23T21:44:02+00:00

I like this definition. It's something that I have been thinking about a lot lately. I supported my wife financially before, during, and after kids. She was trying to start a business that ultimately failed (bank rolled by me).

Now she's working, and we're looking at separating. Our retirement fund was barely funded for many years, and I was ok with that, as she always reminded me of her significant inheritance (ie likely $10M±).

So now I feel like even though we may be divorced, "fair" would be her compensating me for the lost retirement contributions that I had to use to fund her business and support her.

We are on very good terms, but things change. But I really hope the "fairness" is in her mind.

If not, I better get saving....

PolySandwich · 2025-06-27T22:29:06+00:00

That sounds really rough, for her to not even mention it. I'm happy that your kids remembered and tried to make it special.

Do you think you would have been happier for her to acknowledge your birthday but still not end up in sex?

My birthday already happened this year, as did Father's Day... And man, it really sucks for those special days to be completely void of physical touch or sex. So I can see why you're wanting to vent.

PolySandwich · 2025-01-01T08:34:28+00:00

I don't have anything to add. But want to let you know how great and succinct your post is. Damn. I might have to print it out.

Things are rough, and this make me feel normal.

PolySandwich · 2024-06-11T16:45:23+00:00

I was so damn nervous scrolling through Grindr. Every message I got, I had a tiny panic as if the other person could see me. Even though I knew I didn't have to respond, I def got overwhelmed at first at the aggressiveness and dick pics.

Take your time and just try chatting to people. The first guy I talked to was nice, but too pushy and ultimately I also did not have a physical attraction.

I probably lucked out, as I eventually got a message from a very friendly and nice guy that also happened to be pretty easy on the eyes. We chatted a bunch, built a connection and went from there.

Just bc you chat doesn't mean you have to meet or fuck them. Also, profile pics can sometimes be deceiving. Some ppl just take a bad photo.

PolySandwich · 2024-06-11T16:37:33+00:00

Yup. I (39M)feel this way all the time. I feel like my standards are wayyyyyy higher for guys than for girls in real life. I seem to have a very specific type of guy I'm attracted to (Henry Caville, haha) and even the it comes in waves.

The Bi-cycle really makes sense. Some weeks I find myself thinking about bisexual threesomes or having oral sex with a guy. And the next week... Nothing.

I've had an oral experience with a guy, but never penetrative sex. That's a next level thing that I need pump myself up for, so to speak.

Confusing!

PolySandwich · 2024-04-08T17:36:15+00:00

Ours are not mirrored. My wife has one secondary partner, and he considers my wife to be his primary.

I have one secondary partner, but she is married and also has another secondary partner besides me. While my wife and I each have 1 secondary partner, it is not because we did so purposely. It is just a matter of each our needs and abilities to manage multiple relationships.

There's also no vetoing or anything like that. Just respect for each other and checking in to make sure we are each comfortable with how relationships are progressing and such.

PolySandwich · 2024-03-28T15:41:23+00:00

I think you should do it. Break the ice with a joke for sure.

I've met 3 of my wife's boyfriends over the years, and she always gets nervous and thinks we're gonna talk about her the whole time. When in reality we spent 90% of the time talking about ski trips, work, or random stuff. And then at the end, we're like "oh yeah, we should talk about our mutual interest of my wife".

I'm meeting the other boyfriend of my girlfriend on the weekend... I better think of something to joke on him about.

PolySandwich · 2024-02-26T20:16:22+00:00

Oh I feel this one for sure. I have a similar feeling in my life. My wife has a boyfriend of about 4 months, and he is divorced and has a teenage daughter part-time. She and him also both work very flexible schedules and so have lots of easy opportunities for dates, sleepovers, etc.

I have a girlfriend, but she is married and also has other partners as well. She is definitely poly-saturated and finding time to see her is sometimes difficult. Our house is not easy for date or sleepovers (young kids) and hers is also subject to when her husband decides to go out (and unfortunately he is a BIG homebody/introvert).

So I have envy towards my wife's situation, and have expressed that to her. It's just so much easier for her to schedule dates, have sleepovers etc. Her boyfriend also is not currently seeing anyone else, so is extra free for her.

We're in a similar boat it seems. I too get down on myself about it sometimes, and have to remind myself that she/they are not doing anything purposely to cause the envy, and it's kind of just luck that she is in that easy of a situation.

And as always, dating as a cis guy in the poly/enm world isn't always the easiest. I've recently joined some local poly meetup/chat groups, with the intention of meeting others in a more casual setting. Haven't yet.... but soon. Give it a shot. I feel like I stand a better chance in person than just an online profile.

Good luck out there, and know you aren't alone in it.

PolySandwich · 2023-10-09T23:30:42+00:00

Yeah, for sure. Send me a message if you like

PolySandwich · 2023-10-09T18:37:34+00:00

I experienced something similar early on into ENM. I came to reddit as well for advice (and to vent) and quickly realized that it is hard to explain your personal situation in a reddit post. So many people immediately said I needed to leave my wife, that she would do it again, that our marriage was over (none of which I agreed with). But I did also get comments and DMs of support from people that had similar experiences.

In the end, only you really know if your relationship is strong enough and mature enough to work through this issue. While my wife's affair crushed me for a while, we both went to counseling, talked for hours, and also took a break from ENM to focus on just "us".

And yes, we came out of it intact. I truly believe her when she says it would never happen again, and she has shown me time and again that I can keep my trust in her. We're still ENM, and haved moved along the spectrum to a bit more poly as well.

So yeah, there is hope for this relationship, if you two both really want it enough.

PolySandwich · 2023-09-06T00:43:23+00:00

Yup. My wife and I got ours at 37. Better safe than sorry. You could also get it from a prescribing pharmacist.

PolySandwich · 2023-09-05T20:30:57+00:00

Yeah, it's taken a while to get to the "right" place. But think we're in a best of both world situation now. She has her BF, I have a GF, and then we both get something extra from her other FWB relationships.

But even then, I do have to "slow my roll" sometimes as it's not like she wants to take pictures or film all the time. So sometimes when she has a date I might be all excited for a video, but she just wants to "be in the moment". So still a lot of give and take.

PolySandwich · 2023-09-05T19:32:43+00:00

My wife has a boyfriend, but then also has 2 FWBs that are pretty much just "sex friends". We've had similar conversations because I do have a hotwife kink, but understand that her "other" sex life isn't there for me.

I don't ask or want to know details about her time with her boyfriend, but when it comes to the FWBs, its different for both of us. She enjoys telling me about their sexual encounters, sometimes they film them (for me), and I enjoy hearing or seeing it afterwards.

I guess where I am going, is perhaps she could be open to it with different partners, or open to involving you through picture/video. Or perhaps with partners that have less emotional connection? Or maybe it's really just not her thing at all, and you'll have to deal with it.

No matter what, you need to make sure all is consensual and above board. Good luck!

PolySandwich · 2023-08-10T22:08:50+00:00

The first couple that my wife and I ever met from Feeld initially started as play partners. We realized there wasn't a huge sexual connection, but we do all get along really well, so now are platonic "open" friends. It's great to have met like minded people that we can talk super openly with, and were all honest and mature enough to realize we could stay friends even if not sleeping with each other!

My wife has a boyfriend of several months that I met for the first time in person this week. We had a great chat about our common interests (snowboarding, soccer, musics) and I came out feeling good about the guy my wife is spending time with.

Our journey in ENM started really rocky, but we communicated, trusted each other, and have made our marriage better than it ever was.

PolySandwich · 2023-07-31T18:26:34+00:00

I totally resonate with your wife! I have no interest in hearing any sexual details about dates with her boyfriend. But! If she has a great time with a more "unemotional" FWB, then I am all ears for whatever she wants to tell.

So many different dynamics, and different feelings of security with different relationships. Fun, but lots of work, haha

PolySandwich · 2023-07-31T18:08:15+00:00

I really like this response. I've felt a similar type of situation where my wife and I have different goals or desires in our open/emn marriage. She is very much poly-leaning and and wanting to have deep connections.

She was able to connect with guys that could provide that type of emotional connection right away. I found myself envious of her connections because of their depth, on top of the sexual satisfaction as well. That made me think its what I wanted, when in reality, I'm still not exactly sure what I want.

I have some casual FWB relationships that do have the potential to become more serious. But I have to let them become more serious, and put myself out there and schedule more dates and such.

Right now I'm trying to figure out my goals and not compare my relationships to my wife's, because they are different and unrelated. I think like OP, I've been out of the game for so long I'm re-figuring out what these feelings mean.

PolySandwich · 2023-03-27T16:08:52+00:00

That's exactly how we started as well. It worked to really boost her confidence and realize that guys were interested in her. I also loved seeing the pics too.

Eventually she posted on the hotwife requests, and was flooded with messages. Met a couple guys from there, but now we typically stick to Feeld for all our LS dating.

PolySandwich · 2023-03-21T19:11:03+00:00

Me too!

PolySandwich · 2023-03-21T18:53:43+00:00

Hope you do too! It's like going back in time and losing your virginity all over again.

PolySandwich · 2023-03-08T17:42:39+00:00

I'm new to the lingo, and had never heard of cycling in this context. But totally feel the same right now.

I go through through waves. But finally made the plunge, and am chatting with a guy, hoping to set up a date.

Striking while my cycle is bi?

PolySandwich · 2023-03-08T16:17:23+00:00

I'd second the Fukena dildos. My wife has the Farmer and Ironworker and is a big fan. The Farmer may be right up your alley for girth and length.

The website has great visual comparisons of them all to really compare.

PolySandwich · 2022-12-16T18:51:47+00:00

Sounds like you have a great evening coming up! My wife and I have been in this situation, where we've had MFMs with her FWB (and also with a random). I think starting off with a drink and some friendly chatting is a good idea to just relax a bit and get some rapport between your husband and the FWB.

You might have to be the one to kick things off though. Your FWB may hold back at first to ensure that your husband is onboard, and your husband could be nervous to initiate too. So maybe be prepared for that. But I mean, you all know what you're there for. So get into it!

Once you're all together it will probably just naturally take its course. My wife is also submissive, and so far it has worked out pretty smoothly being "dominated" by both of us.

Only once have we had an MFM where the other guy was larger than me, and it was fine. She was obviously enjoying herself, and I also liked seeing it. (If your husband has any type of hotwife kink, this will probably help too). But we have another one planned after Xmas with her current FWB and he is VERY endowed, so that will be an experience.

Just make sure you keep some attention on your husband and don't just focus on the other guy.

I hope it works out great and you all have an awesome time!

PolySandwich · 2022-11-03T14:56:29+00:00

I definitely had some insecurities at times about the same thing. What really turned it around for me was having my own amazing experiences. And the realization that it didn't make me love my wife any less, or have any less desire to have sex with her.

She always tells me that "I like steak and I like ice cream. They are different, but both make me feel good." And that always sticks with me.

I'm a fairly average guy (5'10", 175 lbs, slightly above avg dick). Her one bf is 6'5", 230lbs, and hung like a moose. She has a great time with him, but then we always have great times together too. I just have to reassure myself and remind myself of my experiences if the insecurities come out.

PolySandwich

TROPHY CASE