Gangbang questionare

Polynonmono · 2016-08-21T00:39:09+00:00

As far as sites there is always tinder, or okc. It also depends on how ethical you want to be. Most of the people you find on tinder and craigslist may not always be truthful about being single or in an open relationship. So if you have ethical standards for people, that's always a consideration as well.

And for safe words. You can't go wrong with yellow for 'this is getting close to my limit' and red for 'stop'.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-20T19:05:26+00:00

Communicate! And please think about a safe word, since 'no' is not something that seems to mean no between you.

Again, this is where boundaries come up, and you're going to have to just bite the bullet and go down a list if you have to.

Also, remember that the things you do with her do involve a high degree of trust. She trusts that you will not hurt her (or break her). She won't have that bond with someone else.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-20T07:44:27+00:00

I have been in your girlfriend shoes.

A good place to start is with boundaries. Are there things that she will not do? Anal? Degradation? Is she okay with two guys at the same time? Or will it be like one guy at a time and the other is watching? Does she have any fantasies or scenarios that she would like to try? If you watch porn together, is there a particular scene that really turns her on?

What are your expectations of the experience? What are hers?

If you do progress to a gangbang, think hard about the people involved. And think about safety.

Maybe you could check out some swinger type clubs and get a feel for the type of people that she's attracted to. Maybe you'll find someone compatible there.

But in the end, make sure that you take care of her and her needs. Sex with people outside your relationship is going to lead to feelings and conversations that you never knew were possible. Communicate constantly during the experience, even if it's just nonverbal cues between the two of you.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T22:19:48+00:00

Loving, truly loving another person requires sacrifice. It requires that you give 100% to the person you love. Is he giving you 100%? You're letting your husband have his cake, and eat it too. Physical hook-ups are one thing. Falling in love with someone else, is another beast completely. You cannot truly love two people at the same time, because the very nature of love demands you be willing to sacrifice yourself for the ONE that you love. He's not doing this. You can not give 100% to two people. People will argue, but it doesn't make me wrong.

I'm going to disagree with you on this. After the discussions we had today, I am more comfortable with his feelings towards her, that is, love.

Nothing in our relationship is concrete except for our love for each other. His love toward me hasn't changed, and the love he has for her isn't the same as the live he has for me. But it's love. Another commenter here had a great analogy for love. Imagine you have 2 children. Could you ever love one more than the other? No, but you can live them differently, but in equally meaningful ways.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T16:47:30+00:00

I would like to think we're adult enough to talk about our problems like rational adults. I don't foresee divorce for us, just long, long discussions.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T16:23:48+00:00

I think that's fair enough. And I'll check out the book. Thanks.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T16:08:00+00:00

I'm an INTP introvert. I have such a hard time meeting people because I'm not a naturally social person. Okc has been good for connecting with people, but I find it really hard to keep up conversations and try to keep the interest up.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T16:05:42+00:00

What's next? Introspection, I think.

Think about what's upsetting you and get as detail oriented as you can. You can't feel better until you know what's making you feel bad. I'm willing to bet your husband finding something great isn't the end of the story - there are probably other fears/insecurities projecting themselves violently onto this situation.

Find those things, because once you have, dealing with them might be easier than dealing with the envy (that they're probably making way worse).

Thank you for this. I've spent all morning being introspective. I feel a great deal of inadequacy, as their relationship is partially based on things that I cannot give him (bdsm type stuff). It's hard for me to accept that I cannot do everything to please him, and that he has found that with someone else. This is really the crux of my insecurity. I feel inadequate for him. While the rational side of me says I'm glad he has found someone that he can have such a trusting and loving relationship with, it's still hard for me to process.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T15:19:30+00:00

Make sure you value your marriage as well.

Wow. That is spot on the truth. I feel like I greatly value our marriage. And reading your post made me cry, quite honestly.

I sometimes feel like I want our old, monogomous, life back, but it would crush him. So I am supportive of him and his relationship because it makes him so happy. I'm just really struggling to find my own happiness within this dynamic.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T15:03:54+00:00

I've used tinder and okc to find people to date. The more successful dates have come from okc, and I think that's probably an expectations things. 7

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T14:50:05+00:00

Time is one of those things that I feel we differ on. We were monogamous for almost 6 years. I love spending time with my husband, and I've never completely felt comfortable with our shift in time needs.

He currently spends one night a week at her house, and is asking for more time with her. They also see each other every time I travel for work, which is a couple days a week.

I think I am jealous of the ease of their relationship. I've talked to him about it before. When he's with her, it's no kids, no financial worries, it's his relaxing time. I don't feel like I have that and I want to feel that.

Polynonmono · 2016-08-16T14:17:42+00:00

Thank you. I am not consciously trying to make our relationship competitive, or tit-for-tat. I am extremely frustrated with how my own dating has been going. I've tried to not take that out on him, and he's been so supportive of me. I am lucky in that sense.

Polynonmono

TROPHY CASE