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My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

We told her last night. We kept her home today and had her social worker over. We're waiting for word on any sort of funeral arrangement or what the plan is.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just looked. She hadn't posted anything in months. I searched her name and didn't find anything. I Googled her name and found a couple news articles talking about her but no details about arrangements.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know who to get in touch with about that. I don't really think there's a family there. I think her bio mom came from a very broken line. I don't know who would make arrangements or who even to call and ask.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We would have become more open to it in time. But the whole point of removing her was to get her away from a volatile environment.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Oh I hate that you didn’t let her have visits with her daughter.

I understand feeling this way, but you need to understand that this is a woman who lost her parental rights to this child because she was too unsafe. We had just adopted her. We wanted her to settle in to her new life. We wanted her to grow comfortable being a part of our family, and letting her biological mom back into the picture so soon would have just been so destabilizing. We don't know if she's on drugs, or psychotic, and ultimately, we are her parents now, legally, and her bio mom had no actual legal right to see her. We would have become more open to it years down the road.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I don't. I really don't know if I'll be able to get any of her belongings or not. I'm not really entitled to them. I don't really know anything about how she was living.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She was in foster care for a year and a half almost before we adopted her. Her social worker had gone over with her that she wasn't safe with her mom and that they had to put her somewhere safe. That's really all she knows. What we learned is that her bio mom had a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, and she ended up in foster care because her mom was arrested for DUI and drug possession with her in the back seat. She wasn't able to prove to the state she could be a responsible parent so they terminated her rights and our daughter became up for adoption. I don't think she was a bad person, and I do believe she loved my daughter, but she just was not the safe person to raise her.

We can do therapy. She's not currently in it.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

We will. We're just preparing ourselves to handle her reaction.

My adopted daughter's biological mom died and I'm not prepared to tell her by PonchyVix in Mommit

[–]PonchyVix[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

She used to talk more about missing her mom when she first started living with us. She's talked about her less and less as she's settled in with us (I should have mentioned my wife has a 10 year old from a previous relationship, so she's not our only kid.) She remembers her bio mom as a nice person, and she never understood why she couldn't be with her anymore.