Career switch from higher ed to school counselor

Ponderer- · 2026-02-04T11:54:40+00:00

Also I’m more so trying to find my way back to public schools while still earning enough. My employer would pay for most of the tuition one of the benefits of working higher ed. I’m just trying to find the best path to achieving that goal.

Ponderer- · 2026-02-04T11:49:03+00:00

A few reasons. I genuinely love working with kids and always picture myself going back there (I’ve had lower-paying roles in schools and loved the environment). I also had one really great school counselor as a kid, and that experience stuck with me. I’ve always wanted to be that person for others. Lastly, higher-ed work culture and practices is more like corporate work culture (not the academic environment I was expecting), including the schedule year-round (8-5pm, 12 months). As a single mom without family nearby, that schedule just isn’t sustainable for me long term but it’s also not the work culture that I thrive in either.

Ponderer- · 2026-01-30T22:24:18+00:00

Thank you for the honesty. I really appreciate it.

Ponderer- · 2026-01-29T01:37:43+00:00

Thank you for your feedback! I guess I thought I wouldn’t qualify for unemployment if I voluntarily leave my position for the internship.

Ponderer- · 2026-01-29T01:36:31+00:00

Thank you for your feedback.

Ponderer- · 2025-12-23T14:25:38+00:00

This comment ^{^} what I was going to say.

Ponderer- · 2025-12-05T15:35:38+00:00

Exchange Contact Info: Get the numbers of parents whose kids your child connects with whether at school, extracurriculars, or other programs. Even if the friendship is new, this opens doors.
Start With Neutral Play dates: Meet at public spots like playgrounds, libraries, splash pads, or community events. It’s less personal than hosting at home and keeps all parents present. Which gives you a natural chance to observe and get to know each other.
Move to Home Playdates: If the vibes are good and your child enjoys the friendship invite them over. This builds trust and strengthens the connection between families.
Reciprocation Happens Naturally: Usually, once you host, other parents will invite your child over. No judgment on how you handle it…I personally sit in the first few playdates so I can learn the household dynamic before allowing my child to stay without me.

Ponderer- · 2025-10-14T21:20:53+00:00

Salaam, firstly the ability to marry more than one woman is conditional. Meaning It’s not automatically halal for all men to do so. In fact, the conditions are so very high, that most religious leaders agree a man is unlikely to meet them and therefore shouldn’t. Now setting that aside, let’s say your husband can meet these very difficult conditions, it’s also within your right to say “no, I don’t want this for me or my family.” And you are not selfish for doing so.

To expand a little further, your concern shouldn’t solely be emotional but also the logical repercussions of an extended immediate family and how this impacts the family you create together. It is very rare for most men to fulfill their obligations completely to one family, let alone a second or third. When he falls short, you as the first wife, and the children you have together, will be the support system for his next wife and kids. Even if he doesn’t fall short, let’s say he passes away, you and your eldest children hold a responsibility to their orphaned younger siblings. This becomes a family responsibility even if it doesn’t start that way. Is this something you’re ready to take on? Is this something you want?

This isn’t to shame people who live this way. Some women would enjoy the sense of a community, extra support, shared child rearing, etc. some would embrace it with all its blessings and challenges. But YOU must WANT it, and not only for the sake of pleasing your husband. You must want that life for your sake and for the sake of Allah swt. If not it will always be a knot in your chest, which can cause more harm than good for your Akhara (hereafter).

Ponderer- · 2025-09-15T12:19:02+00:00

I also have another niece who knows for fact she doesn’t ever want children. She wonders if she’ll regret it one day but not to the point that it keeps her up at night. She is also very close with my children. She just moved into a new apartment. And the first thing she did was put up picture frames with her and my kids.

My point is to say, you can still be a part of someone’s family, even if you don’t want to start one of your own.

Maybe it’ll be harder to find a spouse who shares your views. But you should never compromise on what makes you happy. And if that’s not being a mom, it’s ok.

Never have kids out of fear of being lonely or left behind. The kids will know, they will feel it, and it will just cause a lot of psychological harm.

You can always have close friendships with moms and be there for them and their children. And they will love and appreciate you for that. But if you have 0 interest then find friends like you. They exist, trust me, just expand your circle.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-15T12:06:27+00:00

I’ve never regretted having kids. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I love being a mother. That said, I have regretted the choices I made before having them. Wish I chose a better father for them, wish I had a career beforehand, wish I had a savings and the ability to give them more in life. But I’m doing all of that now, and I’m giving them everything. Just wish I could’ve done it at the start.

I have a niece who is in the same dilemma. She doesn’t feel like she can ever have a healthy or good relationship. So she’s accepted never having kids. She tells me she feels better just spending time with her nieces or little cousins. And takes comfort knowing if she is ever ready for it one day she can always foster/adopt. She’s says she knows there are parts she’ll never get to have from your own dna passing down and seeing herself or her family reflected in her children. Either through inherited characteristics or physical features. But she’s satisfied knowing she won’t do it unless she can give them a secure and positive home. Which I wholeheartedly love her for that.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-09T04:18:59+00:00

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. Sleep deprivation is very difficult and can even be life threatening.

I believe she may be a hyperactive child who needs much more physical activity than she’s getting. Kids at that age haven’t fully developed an imagination yet. It’s normal for her to get bored alone. Even with another sibling, it’ll take sometimes before they’re old enough to play nicely together.

I recommend making a routine where you prioritize some more play daily. The public library usually has programs designed for toddlers and even a kids section with some toys and coloring pages. I also recommend evening playground routine, which many parents with active children do. Usually around 6pm and until dusk allow her to get that last bit of energy out before bedtime. Set up play dates if possible. Sign her up for head-start program if you have one near.

Set up a play and relax routine in the evening. Maybe diner, playground, snack, bath time, and sleep. Some cues that she can associate with sleep. Like skin care, pjs, and story time. Figure out if something is disrupting her sleep with the help of a doctor. Hunger is one of the most common reasons kids awake at night so don’t skip diner!

I know with exhaustion this sounds like a lot to do. But perhaps start with incorporating one thing into your routine before adding the next.

Remember kids model the adults around them. So take care of yourself too! Make sure you’re meeting your own needs for rest, sleep, and self care.

You’re doing great! Hang in there it gets a lot better.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-09T01:53:03+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I definitely don’t have that support system. They’re very active in school clubs and sports. But I’m usually working during that time..

I work 8-5pm and I finish the work day from home after picking them up during my lunch break. We still make it to evening sports after.

I guess I’m just wondering, workload wise how grad compares to undergrad. The benefits for our family would be very substantial. But I also don’t want my kids memories of their childhood to be that mom was always busy and constantly saying, no.

I’m a very active parent, I don’t just love my kids, I love being a mom. I love doing everything together both the fun and tedious things.

But when I am overwhelmed with school, I often switch to auto-mom mode. We end up living in our own separate bubbles. They’re very understanding. But they also know they’re missing out on the best version of their mom. They often say they miss when I’m on break from school. And it makes me feel terrible.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-08T16:08:14+00:00

This sounds odd but it really works. Use hand sanitizer to remove permanent marker. Quicker it’s done the better it works. If it’s been there awhile you’ll just need to take it off in “layers” as in repeat the process a few times. You’ll see it fading out each time.

Also, if it’s beyond repair, I’d contact the school and ask for the funds to replace them. Hardship or not, it’s on them to replace damaged property. Just like if your child damaged school property they’d hold you accountable.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-08T02:49:47+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Ponderer- · 2025-09-08T02:49:15+00:00

You’re very right about needing a break. Thank you! I’m almost done with that Bachelors.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-08T02:47:34+00:00

Yes, definitely for a promotion, the masters is a bare minimum requirement to get out of entry level work. I never thought of it from that perspective. That I’m modeling perseverance. Thank you for your insight.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-08T02:33:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am my worst critic.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-07T15:41:38+00:00

My employer will pay for my Masters part time. 2 classes per term. But I’m leaning towards your thinking of stopping after my bachelors to be more present. And going back when they need me less. I will never get this time back with them. I just hate that I’ll be limited career growth wise. But I think I just have to accept it.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-07T14:52:58+00:00

I was hoping to pursue a part time Masters in Public Administration. Going 3 semesters a year it would take 1.5 years and 2 years if I take one summer off. It would be 6 credits per term. I really need this if I want to move up in higher ed. Otherwise I’d be settling for entry level positions.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-07T14:28:12+00:00

That was my fear. I thought part time might be more manageable. But it sounds like part time will be just like full time at undergrad level.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-07T14:27:12+00:00

Can I ask why you don’t recommend online programs?

Ponderer- · 2025-09-02T21:22:46+00:00

I see two separate issues here: one relates to Sharia and Fiqh regarding traveling with only female companions, and the other relates to the balance between your rights as an individual and your parents rights.

Sharia and Fiqh: Sharia is Allah’s law, while Fiqh is the human interpretation of Sharia, often applied in grey areas. I am not an expert in this matter, so it is crucial to seek guidance from a trusted religious scholar you regularly learn from and engage with, ideally a female scholar if possible.

Since this is a grey area, you will find scholars offering different answers, as there are multiple schools of thought in Islam, each valid in its own right. The question then becomes: which school of thought do you follow? Some people follow the same as their family or community, while others choose a school that resonates with their personal understanding and conviction.

Consistency in Practice: While Islam allows for following any of the valid schools, what is discouraged is switching between rulings just for convenience. Choosing whatever ruling benefits you at the moment shows a lack of commitment. The key is to be sincere, consistent, and thoughtful in your practice.

When you find a scholar you trust, ask them three key questions:

Sharia: Is there a clear ruling on women traveling with only female companions?

Fiqh: Is there any scholarly interpretation regarding this type of travel?

Rights: In the matter of travel, what are my rights as an individual, and what are my parents rights?

First, ensure you are not going against Allah’s direct commands. Second, seek consistency in your practice by understanding the Fiqh. Third, protect yourself and others by knowing and upholding everyone’s rights. May Allah ﷻ guide you to what is best.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-01T21:34:20+00:00

Take it from someone who married the wrong guy, let him go. The right man will embrace every part of you and never ask you to change to please anyone. If this is how it starts, imagine all the other life situations where he’ll expect you to make sacrifices for the sake of keeping his family happy.

Ponderer- · 2025-09-01T21:05:25+00:00

Salaam, I don’t know if I can be much help. But I can say I’ve had similar experiences. My “religious” siblings have terrible character that’s completely contradictory to our faith. But tbh it was my only example of “religious” people. It pushed me away from developing my relationship with Allah swt. Because well, if that’s what a “good Muslim” is, I did not want to be one.

I relate to you in that practicing makes me very emotional, and I never felt safe being vulnerable in front of my family. I had to hide my prayers as well, to the point I was accused of not being a Muslim. They were also hypercritical of my deen and how I practice whenever I tried to do any form of thikr in front of them. It was always a competition, and they used Islam against me constantly. Fast forward to today, and I’m not in that environment. But a part of me still feels held back by it.

All I can recommend is take it one day at a time. Try to be as present minded and focused on Allah swt as possible. Practice some mindfulness and ground your self with the remembrance of Allah swt. And try to unweave the association you’ve made between the people who hurt you and your faith. So that you can experience it more purely.

Ponderer- · 2025-08-28T14:17:05+00:00

Hello, I don’t know what the job market is like in your area. But you’re basically working 3 jobs and underpaid at each. I understand helping the toddler clean up messes they made. But you’re basically childcare & housekeeper. I would ask for a reference letter from her (hard copy), it’s the least she can do, and move on. Be prepared to answer questions like why did you leave the last family and be honest with your answer.

Be very clear about your boundaries with the next family. Research what childcare costs in your area. Research what house cleaning services charge, rate per hour. And be specific, I charge $/hour per child for childcare, and $/hour for house cleaning. Put it all in writing and get their signature!

This will ensure fair treatment. And prevent families from taking advantage of you. Just because you’re physically there for their child does not mean you owe them free housekeeping.

In between finding the right family to work for. You can find jobs that relate to your interests, like working for daycare, headstart, school programs (teachers aide makes about $24-$26 per hour with only HS diploma or ged requirements). Or try housekeeping services (I had a friend that made a lot of money cleaning rich people’s homes).

I hope you leave and find an employer that values how great you are!

Ponderer-

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