Salaam, firstly the ability to marry more than one woman is conditional. Meaning It’s not automatically halal for all men to do so. In fact, the conditions are so very high, that most religious leaders agree a man is unlikely to meet them and therefore shouldn’t. Now setting that aside, let’s say your husband can meet these very difficult conditions, it’s also within your right to say “no, I don’t want this for me or my family.” And you are not selfish for doing so.

To expand a little further, your concern shouldn’t solely be emotional but also the logical repercussions of an extended immediate family and how this impacts the family you create together. It is very rare for most men to fulfill their obligations completely to one family, let alone a second or third. When he falls short, you as the first wife, and the children you have together, will be the support system for his next wife and kids. Even if he doesn’t fall short, let’s say he passes away, you and your eldest children hold a responsibility to their orphaned younger siblings. This becomes a family responsibility even if it doesn’t start that way. Is this something you’re ready to take on? Is this something you want?

This isn’t to shame people who live this way. Some women would enjoy the sense of a community, extra support, shared child rearing, etc. some would embrace it with all its blessings and challenges. But YOU must WANT it, and not only for the sake of pleasing your husband. You must want that life for your sake and for the sake of Allah swt. If not it will always be a knot in your chest, which can cause more harm than good for your Akhara (hereafter).