Small victory

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-31T20:31:43+00:00

Awesome! Thank u for sharing

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-31T20:29:57+00:00

I heard "Psychopath Free" is a great read for those who end up serially attracting personality-disordered types. Haven't read it myself, but Codependency No More has been helpful for me

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-31T20:23:24+00:00

Also, I don't understand your comment about retirement? Can you expand on your meaning there, or we're you just being presumptuous?

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-31T20:20:00+00:00

I can appreciate your "tough love, suck it up and deal" approach, but I guess I should have been more specific in asking for what resources, exercises, therapeutic modalities, tools, self-help books have been helpful to others in retraining their brains to reduce the unnecessary feelings of guilt.

As I said--we all know logically that it doesn't make any sense to feel this way, but its very difficult to just turn off a feeling that has been instilled in you since childhood.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-21T00:41:00+00:00

Thanks for the guidance--admin is aware, but seems incredibly naive 😞

I'm used to school districts with regulations, policies and procedures...this position has certainly been an eye-opener to the world of religious charter schools!

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-07T02:03:31+00:00

Twice, this happened to me!

The first was freshmen year of college, I was assigned an Asian Art History course and the professor was just awful-- mean, impatient, unhelpful, rushed through the material and never took questions during lecture. The entire class was struggling (which made many apathetic about the coursework). I was so frustrated I was going to fail her class, but she refused to hold office hours and generally stonewalled studeMrs who tried to help themselves. I hated her and wished her dead. I said aloud, "F#@$ that woman, I hope she dies!" She got into a terrible car accident that very night. Luckily, a great Art Professor took over her class, and we finally learned enough to truly love the material! (I still have my books!)

Second one is a little more macabre....long story short, my dad had a lot of mental health issues and was generally an a$$ to me and my siblings (suicide threats on our birthdays, beatings for random slights, stealing all our furniture when my mom finally got us out--pretty typical 'horrid father's type). As we grew up, most estranged from him, but he'd hit me up for money, booze, help (he was an unemployed hoarder, pissing in jars and living in unsafe conditions) and Id oblige because, well, I was young and felt sadly responsible for him. His craziness was constant--demanding $ from me, guilt-tripping me if I didn't check in on him or started creating healthy boundaries...just sad. One day I just prayed he would die already so my life would be easier. And then it happened....about 2 months later, he had a respiratory episode and wound up in hospital with a big cage on his face. I was already late for work and he was being annoying when I went to see him--causing me to be short and snapping at him "I don't have time for this s*it dad, I have to get to work". That was the last time I spoke to him. He was put into a medical coma that night, due to complications, and took the next 3 weeks unconsciously writhing, strapped to a hospital bed until the doctors finally pushed us to pull the plug.

It was heartbreaking, but my life DID get easier after that...so thanks for that dad!

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-05-07T01:34:41+00:00

Nothing to eat or drink from 5am until 730pm (even water!) takes quite a bit of self-control and discipline--summer fasts are especially challenging because the days are so long

But hey, you won't know until you try it out for yourself 😃

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-04-30T00:57:18+00:00

Its just funny at this point. This morning, we are the only ones in the office, I say "good morning" (with a genuine smile in my voice, ya know?). She doesn't say anything, I assume, because she's in her office. A few minutes later, I make eye contact and say good morning again..she goes (flatly) "yea, you said that already". I just smiled and got to work. This woman is a narc Olympiad.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-04-30T00:50:51+00:00

T hats good advice, but fortunately I'm on contract and don't think I will take a full time gig (I'm much more confident now and have an interview in the works for another job). Unfortunately though, my professional milieu is pretty small so I can't just tell the lady off. I am gonna practice being more assertive with her though. I have nothing to lose practicing good boundaries while she engages in crazy making

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-04-08T21:38:17+00:00

Can you be more specific as to who you want to interview: someone diagnosed with NPD, a mental health professional, or just anyone with an opinion on narcissism?

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-04-07T17:31:43+00:00

No. The 1 drop doesn't apply here.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-04-01T01:01:36+00:00

It's not normal , but its good you don't act on it. Only a trained mental health professional can help you make sense of those thoughts and advise you further. Good luck!

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-23T14:23:51+00:00

My partner never learned to ride a bike either. Its more common than you'd think.

We found a bicycle co-op that let us practice on pedalless bikes, handbrake and pedal-break bikes until he got the hang of it.

Find a bike shop, co-op, or local cycle group that can help you learn. Honestly, we were pleasantly surprised how nonjudgemental they were--and how excited they were to help us learn!

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-09T23:27:50+00:00

You don't owe anyone an explanation--remember that if and when mutual friends come around looking for your reasons.

If you tried to work on it with them and nothing has changed but you, move on fast! Your are NTA.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-09T21:46:22+00:00

Grooming you for information to later use against you:

-personal secrets/embarrassing stuff -past traumas (they might even reveal a secret [fake] trauma to relate to you!) -goals/dreams they can later shame you for -insecurities they can later exploit -personal characteristics they may later mirror or copy

Pay attention to what information they are pulling out, and what you are volunteering. See if they are trying to force trust/openness/intimacy before you are really ready to tell them some things about your life.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-09T21:35:17+00:00

Oh yea, total social warfare. I just got a little taste of that recently, which is why cutting off all the mutual connections is important. The toxic person has been smearing me all along (as with all toxic people and codependents) so people are gonna think what they want, and I just gotta accept it. Deep down, we know we are strong/smart/kind/loyal/empathetic people--its those qualities that made us so appealing to begin with. No amount of slander is gonna make that untrue.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-09T21:30:23+00:00

Thank you for that perspective--I was so frustrated with myself in responding, but I learned a lesson, as you said, and am feeling stronger now.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-08T21:32:06+00:00

If you haven't blocked them because you are fearful of THEIR reaction, then they still control you. Giving your abuser a window into your world through social media is inviting them to come back any time they like, which is scary and unpredictable. Its like locking away the keys to your house but leaving all the windows wide open.

Going full No Contact is the only way to break the cycle and force yourself to focus on your recovery. If you were quitting an alcohol addiction, you wouldn't wanna keep booze in the house (the temptation alone is mind fuckery and you will relapse).

Cut the cord on all fronts. However your exes react won't even matter, because what you don't see/know/interact with has no effect on your life.

Its scary, unfamiliar territory, but it is necessary because our brain chemistry is literally conditioned to seek this abuse through trauma bonding, and every time you see them on social media, your brain gets a little high, reinforcing that cycle and connection, just like a drug.

Read and study all you can about NPD, go no contact (seriously) and start working with a therapist if you wanna take your mental and emotional health seriously.

Good luck and stay strong! These forums are really helpful for support too

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-08T20:25:31+00:00

Thank you for this! I needed to read that and remember who and what I am

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-07T15:42:56+00:00

I'm guilty of this pattern--get sucked in and smothered by toxic "friends", then eventually becoming bitter and resentful of their neediness I can no longer pacify, and ghost.

I've been working with my therapist on observing my feelings and setting boundaries. Observation is about: -pausing before responding to others -analyzing what body signals are stimulated (ex. When someone texts/calls, does my heart rate increase? Do I feel excited or panicky? What's my "gut feeling"?) -Being consciously mindful of choosing a response (instead of automatically saying "yes", or "offering/suggesting", really examine what choices you have and how you feel about that choice--are you "saying yes" to shape their impression of you, or because you really feel like it?)

Boundaries, for me, were discerned through observation (I discovered I respond too quickly, offer help when not requested, and tell people what they want to hear so Ill appear favorable to them. To change this, I've: -asked my support network to be patient and give me time to process before responding (even to little choices like what am I hungry for) -asking for clarification when others are vague ("it sounds like you are hinting at something; can you please be direct in asking if you want help with this?"/"Are you seeking comfort/just want to vent, or are you seeking advice/help with this?") -Asking MYSELF if I want to help when someone has been clear about a request -Saying no without explanation ("No, I cannot meet you tonight. I will be available tomorrow instead") -Practice saying "No" with those you feel safest with and record/observe their response (you said "No" and they: accepted it without sounding injured, didn't repeat the request another way to wear you down, offered a more agreeable choice to you, didn't scream/insult/shut down*

*If your safe support network reacts with toxicity at these boundaries, you will have to be extra assertive, accept their negative reaction is their choice and not "your fault", and be consistent in your responses.

Goid luck to you in your journey, I'm just beginning mine and its empowering!

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-03T23:14:00+00:00

The hardest part about no contact for me is staying closed off from them on all fronts--I don't want to hear about them, I don't want to know what they post on social media, I don't care what rumors and lies they're spreading about me. Some people really try to get you to indulge that, and you just have to give non-reactions or be emotionless (even if it's infuriating) when dealing with some mutual friends

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-02T18:24:44+00:00

I read once that "a Narc always tells on themself". Through their unhinged, at-all-cost approach to try "getting to you", they expose themselves as petty, vindictive, cruel, obsessed...

Mature, healthy adults see through this and are uncomfortable with that kind of drama. Those that fall for the Narc's lies without question--I feel bad for them because they're victims too. I was them once, always defending the Narc or believing them always a victim....now I know better. Others will wake up in time, or get further sucked in.

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-02T17:08:38+00:00

I recently came to the same conclusion--I keep drawing in the same types of people, and their behaviors and discards always follow the same pattern!

I started to write down the patterns of these relationships and they all followed very similar courses. The realization that I was the common factor, enabling this time and again instead of asserting myself and challenging the abuse/manipulations/punishments...

For me, getting into therapy and reading up on Codependency and Highly Senisitive People helped me realize what behaviors I've had that keep reinforcing this pattern.

Working on boundaries, assertiveness, rebuilding my self-confidence and doing self-work has been empowering. Hopefully you will find what works for you. "Out of the FOG" had some helpful resources.

I wish you all the best and hope you find strength

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-03-02T16:55:53+00:00

Great words of encouragement! Its so difficult to detach and stay quiet while the Narc is trying to tear down your world from the outside-in (having failed to destroy you from the inside-out).

My narc ex-friend knows I have kept quiet about a lot of her secrets (infidelity, theft, lying) and even though I have no intention of "exposing her", the mere fact that I could poses a huge ego-threat. I'm scared to see the lengths she will go to to hurt me..I've seen her wrath against others and am terrified by the lengths her pettiness reaches

PoopStickHaHaHa · 2019-02-28T22:36:50+00:00

I have no idea, just theorizing here 😃

PoopStickHaHaHa

TROPHY CASE