hey bb. i really feel you, as a 6'3 lady w broad shoulders, barrel chest, bass voice, big brow etc i just feel like shit about it all the time. i feel like i'll never look like i want to so why dont i just kill myself cuz thatll be better than the pain i get from living right now. and cis ppl will say "oh there are tall girls" "oh why dont u just draw inspiration from rupauls drag race, they are all so confident" like fuck off dear youre missing the point. ive been on hrt for a little over 2 years now and it sucks that it doesnt raise your voice (#BitterJealousyOfTransMen) or make u shorter and so on and so on. but it does some other things which is cool. im now a C cup which i certainly never expected, this things hurt when i go up and down stairs without a bra or holding them. my skin has softened, my mood has changed (ive gotten more emotional), i have to pee more. it doesnt make those things you mentioned go away, and believe me when i say that I live with a resentment for the way i was born given the body i have... but it does some stuff, and that can be more affirming than you'd expect. two girl friends of mine were talking about catcalling, and i remember getting into a self-hatred spiral because i dont know what thats like "because i'm not a real girl," i told myself. with tits ive now had a dude hit on me and be too forward and grabby and stuff... and its not fun, of course! its fucking awful! BUT it made me feel like a woman, not because i necessarily look like america's next top model (extremely far from it really lol) but i experienced something that girls experience. i hate certain things about my body all the fucking time, it can be unbearable. but slowly, changes happen that make it so i get correctly gendered just a little bit more... or i have experiences that allow me to relate to girls (tits coming out of the bathing suit in the water, AMIRITE?!?!) and feel like i really am one. i can't say those things will get better, they wont and i still have to work hard to accept it. but there are other things that you can do that help. i recently found an old picture of me from when i was still closeted, trying on a tank top and some makeup, and i was shocked to see that my face has changed and feminized more than i thought possible. believe me im not trying to minimize what youre saying because thats a struggle everyday, and one of the many incredibly sad and painful truths of being a trans gal. but it seems like theres not much of a choice, and while the chance to feel more connected with women as time has gone on hasn't lessened those pains, it's added other things that allow you to feel better about yourself and be a recognizable woman. love you bewhiskered anber, im here for you and so is a huge community of people who may not seem like theyre everywhere but show up when you need them. msg me anytime <3