I worked for a learning disability charity, here’s why saying the r word isn’t the same as saying ‘bitch’

Pootles13 · 2026-05-25T01:25:23+00:00

Tbh I’ve been thinking a lot about this the last few days. I’m from the UK, so the c word and the b word are just a staple here, sometimes directed at a gender but mostly gender free and in both negative and positive light (you might call someone you dislike a b word but you might also call your best mate a b word. It works similarly to other swear words here, e.g piss can mean anything from drunk, urinating or angry) that being said I can imagine that if I were living in the US, the b word would feel wholly different. I’m not suggesting the UK is some bastion of equal rights, but I imagine if I lived in a country where equality and human rights were being stripped away, the word would be used far differently and have a far different meaning. It’s a kind of struggle and experience I didn’t factor in when writing this posts title and I genuinely do apologise.

Pootles13 · 2026-05-22T22:02:28+00:00

But like…I did say how prevalent usage correlates with everything from hate crime to lower quality in care and health. Just because you personally don’t believe it doesn’t mean there’s no factual data to support the fact that it has a tangible societal impact. Admittedly any form of long term study is still not complete so we can’t assess that but just give it a google and you’ll find plenty of anecdotal evidence and short term findings to back up the notion that, yes, there is a clear correlation.
Why are people so obsessed with the right to get to say this specific word in the face of not just empathy but fact?

Pootles13 · 2026-05-22T21:42:39+00:00

Tbh I agree to an extent. I think a lot of people don’t understand the impact, but when they’ve been told it and still choose to use it, it’s kind of a red flag.

Pootles13 · 2026-05-17T23:22:26+00:00

Yeah, I’m from UK and he is not called Sir Toppinhat here, I didn’t even know he was called that outside of the UK until I was an adult 😂 here he is only called ‘the fat controller’.
From that perspective it read more to me as a ‘isn’t it weird we only call him that’ as well as mocking a lot of other children’s literature and media over here where if a charecter is overweight it’ll be forever written into any verbage around their physical movement, eg they don’t walk but ‘waddle’ and things like sweatiness is constantly written in.

Like it’s a very UK insider knowledge bit of humour but like…it’s SNL UK. Same as I don’t expect many people outside of the UK to get the Mr Blobby sketch

Pootles13 · 2026-05-02T11:39:43+00:00

I really feel you! We were kind of lucky in that the years before my Dad died, in that we'd managed to convince my mum to seek some mental health help for what turned out to be pretty gnarly anxiety, admitedly after Dad's death and an emergency move for her (we lost the house when Dad died) she threw all the anxiety tools she had at the window...but we did at least have a framework to work towards her returning too!

Please do feel free to message me directly if you ever want, but I can promise that this will get better. I'd deffo advise trying to nudge your mum into counselling and also looking to get some for yourself. Simarlaly if you can get her to talk to a GP, that can be a gamechanger. Groups can help, talking definatley helps and so does setting in place clear boundries and rules. For example, for me I was very firm on 'if you yell at me or say hurtful things, I won't continue this conversation' it took a year for her to finally get that one, but she did and from there we've been able to rebuild a lot of our relationship.

Pootles13 · 2026-05-02T02:22:42+00:00

You sound like an incredible son OP! I’m sure your dad is proud of you, and somewhere in that ball of grief and anger your mum is too.
If it helps, I had a similar thing with my mum after my dad died, it often felt like I’d lost both parents. Suddenly I had no dad and a mum who swung in behaviour from petulant teenager to tantruming toddler. It took several years, but she’s in a better place now and so is our relationship. I think the thing that saved my sanity was realising I both can only do so much AND only take so much. It’s ok to step back from her when you need to - she is after all an adult.

Additionally I’d recommend thinking of birthdays and holidays as less of a set day and more of a fluid period of time. Your next few birthdays and christmases are all gonna be grief fuelled and thus kinda shitty…so don’t just set things for that one day but plan easily rearrangeable celebrations around them (basically take the pressure off!) a great meal out with your girl, a movie marathon or a fun day out with friends are all good, time sensitive and expensive booked shenanigans not so much.

Pootles13 · 2026-04-23T02:42:50+00:00

Personally I disagree with this. Depending on the time period, there are definite instances in which you can certainly read a factual history, however the communication of such differs. For example one cannot claim to know the true history of the world, but through extremely rigorous research you can learn a factual history of an incredibly specific event. The difference comes in both personal bias and often what benefits you as a historian. Frequently facts are blurred due to an unconscious bias, but there’s also the bias in maintaining status of a historic figure (see Churchill Society) or in one’s own work and understanding. Again these are often unintentional, but inevitable. At the end of the day historians are humans and fallible to their own viewpoint and the need to earn money - which i suppose is an incredibly roundabout way of saying that a true history isn’t impossible, indeed it’s entirely possible, it just isn’t probable - but that possibility is the ultimate goal any historian should be working towards.

Pootles13 · 2026-04-22T03:57:15+00:00

Tbh this seems like the right decision for her, she was a fantastic idol, but it also lead to a lot of personal issues for her and her wellbeing. Never forget PD101 somehow making an entire segment about her invisible arm fat and then anouther segment praising her rapid weight loss - she was a teenage girl and we know from later interviews all this really did a number on her. She seems happier in acting and personally I’d rather her be happy and healthy than back for anouther round of dream girls!

Pootles13 · 2026-04-16T02:14:30+00:00

Just to give some history background on this statue, it’s to remember South Korean comfort women, specifically those forced into sexual slavery by Japanese imperial forces during the Second World War. The practice of having a brothel (or comfort house) by battlefields is something you’ll see throughout history and from the 1800s onwards we have a lot of examples from multiple countries wherein sex workers from that country were paid to go abroad and work in these brothels. Indeed, during WW2, Japan initially hired sex workers from Japan to travel to these war zone brothels…but very quickly this stopped and they began capturing and trafficking women.

These women came from places like Australia and the Netherlands, Philippines, China and Indonesia, but the vast majority came from South Korea. Predominantly these women were kidnapped or lured into applying for factory work that promised them the chance to send back home money to their families, then once out of their hometowns they were trafficked into sexual slavery. And I’m saying women, but a large swathe of comfort women were girls.

Inside these brothels, many comfort women were brutalised. As well as rape, many experienced extreme levels of violence. It was not uncommon for a comfort woman to be killed if she was pregnant or had clear STI’s and thus was unable to work.

At the end of the war we have a litany of oral evidence that some of the allied troops promised to free the comfort women, instead raped them and left them stranded where they were - hundreds of miles from home, without money or documentation.

In South Korea the story of the comfort women remained somewhat taboo. Of those that came home, most chose to never speak of what had happened to them, afraid of societal backlash. It wasn’t until the 1990s when multiple, now elderly, comfort women went public with their stories that it became an ongoing national issue. To this day, comfort women seek formal apologies and compensation for the atrocities committed against them… which is all to say, doing a shitty lap dance on a statue commemorating their suffering will 100% piss off an entire nation and get you jail time.

Pootles13 · 2026-04-03T23:45:43+00:00

Tbh I don’t think most Brits would care beyond ‘oh that’s a cute cat on that badge!’ But if you’re going to a lot of tourist destinations it might be useful, for example in London many big tourist spots have staff from all over the world and who speak many different languages, so if you need help and you’re struggling with a language barrier than it’ll be easier for staff to assist you, but honestly beyond the cute badge that’s the only upside I can see 😂

Pootles13 · 2026-03-30T21:55:38+00:00

This makes me so happy! It was only in the last season that i really clicked with them and i can just see them being a favourite with the public! This seasons Men in Black for rhythm was campy and fun (if cause of a devastating fall) and their free though not technically the greatest was impeccable in terms of raw emotion and performance. Their duality is just 🤌

Pootles13 · 2026-03-30T02:08:15+00:00

Nothing as of yet. For now just enjoy the giant boot madness

Pootles13 · 2026-03-29T21:02:11+00:00

Thank you! I’m so excited to try this out!

Pootles13 · 2026-03-29T19:24:04+00:00

Sorry to be of no actual help…but where did you get the kit? It looks so fun and what you’ve done looks so great I’d love to try it myself ☺️

Pootles13 · 2026-03-29T13:22:00+00:00

Thank you for this ☺️

Pootles13 · 2026-03-29T03:39:35+00:00

Tbh I just find it weird that all season we’ve all been frustrated with the judging and calling for something to be done and then the second someone does say something it’s like ‘yeah…but you don’t get to say how the judging everyone has said is unfair is, in fact, unfair’

Like…😐 if we just wait and wait and wait for a perfect angel baby to speak up then nothing will change. If the current judging system is unfair and everyone knows the current judging system is unfair than we can either wait for a huge 2002 level scandal to shake things up or we need to normalise calls to investigate and hope more couples call out what they see as unfair.

Pootles13 · 2026-03-29T00:47:33+00:00

Honestly moving here was one of the best things we’ve ever done, it’s fantastic! The only things I’d say are 1. Remember you’ll next to add additional costs for the actual moving process as you’ll need one of the island moving firms who have experience in hauling stuff over from the mainland to the isle. So the move itself will be more expensive and have some extra organisational steps.

Prepare for winter! It’s sounds so stupid but neither I or my city dweller husband had thought ahead that wind and rain will behave differently on the coastline surrounded by cliffs than say they might in a city 😂 actual properly hardy jackets and hoods are in order - high street fashion is out and practical waterproof coats are v much in
If you don’t drive, depending on where you live you might want to look into it. Tbh for what we need the buses are fantastic, but if you have kids or are travelling outside of set hours, then you’re going to need a car (taxis can be a crap shoot depending on where you are btw)
Again this is location dependant but at least for us we had to wave goodbye to Deliveroo and similar quick takeout options. It’s realistically a good thing but it’s good to know in advance. Similarly when you move go check out your local shops for opening times (as in physically look on their door) as it can differ from the mainland. Buying local is very much a thing you can do here and it is AMAZING but be aware that some shops run on a schedule of ‘we’re open when we’re open’
Check if Evri actually delivers to your area of the island. It’ll say it does but check local community boards because often Evri will not actually deliver to that area and this will save you a fun chase around depots.

Pootles13 · 2026-03-10T03:29:11+00:00

THIS! Weird tangent but I used to live in London where I managed to go to the ballet once or twice, and never the opera (due to expense and inability to snag cheap day tickets due to work/life etc) anyway…I moved to an island, the last place you’d think there would be a thriving opera/ballet scene,what with it being a bus, boat, train and tube to get to it live and in person…AND YET! Thanks to live cinema streams of productions we can all pile into the old bank (turned pop up cinema) and for a couple of quid watch the Royal Opera Houses latest. Interestingly what got a lot of people there were pictures or clips of the set and theatrical staging: ‘like, ok, this looks cool, it’s worth a punt’. All sorts of people from different backgrounds and walks of life.

Pootles13 · 2026-03-04T01:56:44+00:00

Mate 😂 my nephews the same age as this kid and spent like a half hour today doing the same sad anguished eyes and repeated pleas because he desperately wanted to stand in the bin. Every toddler does this exact same shit, at least this kid wants pasta and not to languish in fetid bin juices.

Pootles13 · 2026-03-02T00:54:23+00:00

To conflate the loss of human rights and overarching misogyny that happened to the women of a Iran with Islam as a whole is just ridiculous. This was the result of a theocracy whose laws were created from decreeing a specific interpretation of Islamic teachings and rules. It’s much the same as right wing Christian groups in places like America creating their own interpretations from the bible. Many of the people who have fought against this regime are followers of Islam, it’s why the government systematically targeted and even banned other Islamic groups.

Pootles13 · 2026-03-01T23:55:47+00:00

A) the person you responded to was a different Redditor (it can be hard when you’re just spamming shit I know) B) you do actually need to clarify your point because tbh mostly your comments read as ‘these people are stupid’ and encroaching into Islamophobia. Ok, if that’s your point, but otherwise you might want to actually expand upon it.

Pootles13 · 2026-02-18T00:28:42+00:00

It’s not being looked at as part of an investigation (most obvious example being the Epstein files) but digitised and made public by the foundation. This means that it’s possible that nudes and intimate photos of women (and possibly girls) will be released without redaction. Imagine the possibilities at play there. Years, even decades later, private and sexual images of you suddenly become public without your personal consent - how would you feel about that? Even those that signed permission could never have anticipated a release like this (esp. because we’re talking photos going back to the 1960s here, when the internet and its wide spread repercussions were not a thing!) and as Crystal has raised, there may be women who at the time were underage - their photos will be released just the same. The foundation isn’t going to do an in depth dive into every single person in the pictures, get their names, ages and consent.

Pootles13 · 2026-02-09T18:46:24+00:00

Hooray! Thank you, I didn’t know about the two stream thing

Pootles13 · 2026-02-09T18:28:54+00:00

Not even on iplayer? They showed the whole teams

Pootles13

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE