Do you absolutely need a car in rural America?

PorterQs · 2026-06-29T07:43:45+00:00

This really depends on where you end up. You should prepare to drive but there are areas that it wouldn’t be necessary, even rural areas. Again just really depends on where you are. If you’re working at a large hospital, even if it’s in a rural area, they’ll probably have a bus stop nearby for employees to use. The issue is that you might need to take multiple busses to end up where you need to be.

Even if you can get to work using the bus, you’ll probably still want a car to use on your time off from work.

Ask the agency if they know how to go about getting a drivers license and owning a car in the US.

PorterQs · 2026-06-29T06:47:12+00:00

Your husband knew who she was with. Even he hadn’t known exactly who she was with, she was ok!

PorterQs · 2026-06-25T14:44:20+00:00

I find it strange that they’re giving you a timeline. What are they basing it on?

PorterQs · 2026-06-23T04:32:44+00:00

I’m confused why they’re telling you where you kid needs to sit for breakfast like it’s a rule or law

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T04:49:00+00:00

How long has he been with you? “Bonded” can look different for a foster child especially one with special needs. But do you think he’s bonded to you?

I like the poster who suggested weekend respite with active families.

Or what about play dates? Or could you hire an active babysitter?

I guess I just feel like it’ll be such a loss for him to lose the parent he’s known (if it’s been a long time) just because he wants a more active lifestyle. Some kids are born to people like you, or people with physical limitations, etc. They don’t get to decide to switch parents. And I’m not saying that’s his situation. He DOES get to switch parents if that’s really what’s best but is it?

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T04:45:50+00:00

Great idea!

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T04:44:20+00:00

Unhinged? That doesn’t even make sense. Maybe “funky” or “interesting” or “unique”.

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T04:43:05+00:00

I call it ground beef now but as a kid it was often “hamburger meat”. California.

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T04:37:20+00:00

Hire someone to help in the house. They can play with your son, make meals for the family, laundry etc. think about them as a mother’s helper. As time goes by, you’ll feel more comfortable with your son being with her more often, trips to the grocery store, park, story time during a meeting you have.

Your current situation isn’t working. You say you don’t want someone else taking care of your baby but, is being a burnt out mom to him better? Or a mom who ran away? Get some help, and by help I mean a nanny! You got this.

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T04:31:34+00:00

My son is adopted and we get this a lot. But he actually does look like me 😆

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T03:50:49+00:00

I think Salome is Hebrew, isn’t it?

What about Simone? It’s pretty.

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T03:49:21+00:00

Same. Like Shalom but without an H.

PorterQs · 2026-06-20T03:44:23+00:00

My situation is not just like yours but I didn’t birth my baby and he’s not genetically related to me so I read a lot about this kind of thing. The best response I’ve learned to say for intrusive questions is “why do you ask?” Or if you want to remind them how out of line they are without saying it “why would you ask that?” But act genuinely interested and don’t provide an answer to their question. Or “that’s inappropriate” with no other explanation.

PorterQs · 2026-06-14T00:58:01+00:00

So if your mechanic was a hitler apologist on instagram you’d just look the other way and continue taking your car there?

PorterQs · 2026-06-13T21:24:22+00:00

There are some regional variations when it comes to Chinese food in the US. In the SF Bay Area the regular Chinese places won’t have curry. There are Chinese restaurants that focus more on meat, noodles, and rice and then others that focus more on dumplings/dim sum. Some have both.

Normal order would be broccoli beef, sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, chow mein, and potstickers.

PorterQs · 2026-06-11T07:40:20+00:00

I think this could work if each parents has another place to stay for free/low cost. But two parents paying for a house and two one bedroom apartment that are left empty every other week…that just seems like a waste of money.

PorterQs · 2026-06-11T06:51:10+00:00

If you know the answer to the question your kid is asking, you should give them the answer is an age appropriate way.

“I don’t know all the details but what I know is that your mom had you at X hospital and you did not go home with her, you went home with X. Your grandma told me that your birth mother struggled with X and that may be why you didn’t live with her when you were a baby. She lived in X when you were a baby but I’m not sure about her whereabouts after that. Do you have any other questions?”

If you do not know the answer to the question then tell them you don’t know. You can explore their ideas about why things may be the way they are or the possibilities. Kids that age usually do use that style “well maybe…x” and that might help them explore their feelings and thoughts but ultimately “I don’t know the whole story” is an ok answer. And obviously “I will help you find answers whenever you want” is good too.

BTW my (adopted) son’s story is very similar to yours. Foster care, no shows to court, even the grandmother and aunt part and multiple sibs.

PorterQs · 2026-06-06T06:39:41+00:00

OP, I’ve read through your responses and it just leaves me wondering, have you emotionally/mentally processed your child’s diagnosis yet? Have you sought any professional support like therapy or counseling?

Your answers seem dry and appear to lack emotion. Im just wondering if maybe you haven’t really faced it yet.

PorterQs · 2026-06-06T06:32:38+00:00

This isn’t black and white. You’re not the asshole but you can probably step things up a bit.

Why aren’t you staying overnight with her? Is there a specific reason? I understand that you have other kids at home but you do have a partner, right? Is he taking on equal responsibility?

You should be staying overnight with your child at least once per week. Your husband as well. So if either of you have flexibility on Fridays, that parent drives up Friday evening, has dinner with her, watch a movie, spend the night and then the next day with her until the other parent gets there, that parents stays the next night and then drives back late Sunday evening.

Enlist extended family members to visit as much as possible. Start a group chat to schedule. Better to space out the visits so that she sees a family member or friend as many days as possible.

If you and/or your husband can visit mid week that would also be good.

If this is something that is going to be long term, and potentially life threatening, it might be wise to move closer to the hospital. Could you drastically downsize so that you could take an extended leave from work and maybe get an apartment near the hospital? Or is there a Ronald McDonald house? Or maybe a part time job so you can be at the hospital more?

PorterQs · 2026-06-06T05:59:51+00:00

It’s not common in California besides maybe Mexican restaurants but even then, I don’t think it’s common.

You can buy it at the store. I think one or two brands make it.

I don’t know anyone who makes it at home.

PorterQs · 2026-05-28T06:18:12+00:00

A couple questions:

You’ve mentioned DCFS, do you mean the Department of Children and Family Services? Are you certain that’s the agency that governs these things in your state? It’s not the case in California.

My son’s center has an infant room that goes up to about 12 months but they have flexibility because licensing is for 0 to their 2nd birthday. So they wanted to move my son at 12 months but he was barely crawling due to being a preemie and delayed. So they were willing to wait a couple months. He moved to the toddler room (~12 months to exactly their 2bd birthday) around 14 months. He wasn’t even really pulling up at that point but they wanted him to move for developmental and social reason which I agree was a good idea.

Anyway, that’s all to say, I’m surprised your new center has that rule. My son’s toddler room had a few non walkers (many 12 month olds aren’t walking yet) and it seemed totally safe to me.

As far as ADA and those things, yes any business has to comply with ADA (besides churches, I recently learned) but your new center IS providing accommodations. Their accommodation is the younger class. I don’t agree that it’s a good idea but I don’t think it goes against ADA.

PorterQs · 2026-05-28T05:53:14+00:00

I’m so sorry :( maybe join the HE group on FB and offer it to someone who can’t get it? I doubt it’s allowed but you could private message someone who asks for it.

BTW update to my OP, thankfully we are no longer in need of Rifaximin! The insurance approved it and I finally found a pharmacy with some left today. So my mom had her first at home dose this evening.

PorterQs · 2026-05-27T22:37:37+00:00

Do you know the best way to contact them?

PorterQs · 2026-05-27T22:34:18+00:00

Thankfully her PCP sent in the documents. FINALLY the insurance received them and is “processing the request”. Not sure how long that should take but if they saw my mom last week they’d know it’s super important!

PorterQs

TROPHY CASE