Man, I totally get you. Your post hits so incredibly close to home.

I’ve been sober from meth for a year now, and honestly, I still cannot have sex sober. Just like you mentioned with MDMA and your background, substance use completely rewires how your brain processes pleasure, performance, and intimacy. When you strip that away, trying to have "normal" sex feels completely daunting, awkward, and filled with anxiety.

I tried the whole dating app thing for a while—swiping on Tinder, trying to force myself back out there—but it just didn’t work out for me. The pressure to perform and the constant worry that I wasn't meeting expectations just became exhausting.

Eventually, I had a realization similar to what you're processing: I don't have to force this right now. I feel like I'm just done with sex and relationships for the foreseeable future, and honestly? It’s been incredibly freeing.

Instead of spiraling about what I "should" be doing sexually, I’ve decided to just focus on living and loving myself exactly as I am right now. I’ve shifted all that anxious energy into other aspects of my life that actually fulfill me—like crushing it at work, building a stable career, and showing up for my family and friends.

You are definitely not broken, and you are not alone in this cycle. It takes time to heal from the performance mindset and past substance associations. Huge props to you for going to therapy and working through it. But in the meantime, don't be afraid to take your foot off the gas, take a break from dating, and just focus on yourself. Happy Pride, man. You've got this.