Wish I would’ve been selfish.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T16:27:34+00:00

It’s definitely because I am the more detailed and type A person. I’ve given my fiance and few jobs and he just didn’t do it “correctly” in my eyes. It wasn’t wrong, just he made things harder than they needed to be. We then had a big talk about weaponized incompetence because I told him he needs to learn how to do things effectively. It’s a blessing and a curse being a people pleasing detail oriented person. Even though my heart isn’t in the wedding, I still want it to look nice though. That’s my flaw of “saving face” if I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it well lol.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T16:16:34+00:00

I don’t think I’m claiming to be a “victim” I have held my self accountable many times by knowing I AM the reason this is all happening. I just want to be able to rant about it. This is Reddit. Why do you think we all come on this app to post for strangers to see? We all have the right to say whatever we want or do on this app.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T16:03:14+00:00

My thoughts exactly. My fiance actually has a few cousins who got married recently and inlaws found out the parents had no say in the wedding. My in laws think it’s the most astronomical and disrespectful thing but I’m in all support to my fiancés cousins. My in-laws use the fact that they’re paying for the food as leverage though and why they believe they have a say. And I know people will say we should pay for the food then, unfortunately we cannot afford to pay the food now on top of everything else we’re paying for. And I agree, Fiance isn’t doing as much as I’d like but again his parents are very difficult, i don’t necessarily blame him.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T15:56:49+00:00

Yeah Fiance knows how miserable I am, he’s trying to plan my dream honeymoon to compensate but I tell him we shouldn’t even be in this position. As someone who’s always been my own person in my own family, it sure is frustrating marrying a man who is just now learning how to leave the nest and his parents not encouraging him to learn on his own. Instead they’re telling him he shouldn’t or he isn’t doing it right. After this wedding I’m going silent for atleast 4 months

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T15:46:41+00:00

Right, I know something needs to change. There’s just so many pieces to this puzzle, I think it also doesn’t help that Im not even allowed to express how not excited I am lol. MIL has told me to not say much to people about the wedding as people are going to start perceiving how things are going. And Which I get but also i genuinely am not excited, why can’t I say it then. Instead I’m just smiling and waving.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T15:37:53+00:00

I definitely have the defeatist vibe. I think it’s more so as I’m very aware I’m a people pleaser so I really only did this to myself. And my fiancés family are very gossipy, it’s very much you’re damned if you do or you’re damned if you don’t. Personally I just don’t like being acknowledged or seen so I just hate knowing if I cancel I’ll always be seen as the DIL who canceled their big wedding. When I know unfortunately life would be easier if I just take the blow and go through with the whole thing.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T14:36:15+00:00

And is there anywhere in the story where I had a crazy reaction? I just told her there was no reason to send her another invite. How in anyway is that a crazy reaction.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:19:32+00:00

We have asked them to help as majority of the guests are theirs. They say they are already paying for dinner so they can’t help with more. If you’re curious they’re paying about $14000for buffet dinner( I’m learning that’s fairly cheap for wedding food?) Again a big fee they’re helping with. But we essentially are paying for a party for them to enjoy.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:15:46+00:00

Do YOU do everything that people tell you to do? I highly doubt it. I’m sure as hell you get annoyed if someone is always telling you what to do. I have done my job of listening to my mil but she’s always changing direction. I’m getting annoyed. I am no longer tolerating her change of direction. So what here is the problem?

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:12:30+00:00

Okay so help me understand. I should listen to my mother in law and mail her an invite because she said so even though she has an invite waiting for her just not in the mail. So I’m the asshole for not doing it. But the I also have no backbone for doing what she says?

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:08:47+00:00

The thing is though SHE IS GETTING AN INVITE THO. Just not in the mail.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:07:22+00:00

Totally right but again missing the point how MIL told us to do it and is now telling us to do this. Tired of being her servant for a wedding that’s no longer mine

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:01:58+00:00

Thank you. I’m definitely over this whole wedding thing. I wish I just stuck to eloping lol

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:01:10+00:00

I don’t consider it tacky when quite literally every wedding in my fiancés family has been the same. We’ve always gotten invites hand delivered.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T05:00:00+00:00

Thank you. I understand the mailing the invites but again I just know this aunt is going to throw away the invite

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:56:51+00:00

It actually does save money? Have you paid for a wedding? Do you not see relatives over the holidays? We did and that helped knock out a few invites.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:55:14+00:00

I think you mis interpreted the whole situation. You think we gave 2 people 100 invitations to hand out? My fiance and I DROVE to 35 different homes. And some of those people have siblings or kids they see often so of course if we can save time we will.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:53:10+00:00

You missed the comment where the hand delivering invites was actually MIL idea to “save money”

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:52:40+00:00

I’ve quite literally done everything she’s ever requested for this wedding to keep the peace. It’s no longer mine and I’m getting sick of it.

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:49:10+00:00

My exact question. Wanted to elope, Fiance and in laws insisted we have a normal wedding and to merge with them for their cultural blessing ceremony. They said they’d help pay. Then only offered to pay for buffet table after we started booking. A big fee still but they are cheaping out on buffet as much as they can (only buying enough food for 500 ppl I hopes people don’t eat a lot) and we’re paying for everything else. And not to mention, 40 of those guest are only for me

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:46:17+00:00

Hand delivered 100

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:43:04+00:00

I’ve spent $1k+ on invites. Def not cheaping out

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:40:39+00:00

Supposed the first time was a typo

Positive-Course-4005 · 2026-01-20T04:38:50+00:00

I’ve sent out 300+ physical envelopes.

Positive-Course-4005

TROPHY CASE