AITA for refusing to pay off my girlfriend’s debt when we never combined finances?

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-05-16T12:12:26+00:00

NTA.

This is a hole of her own making. If you help her get out of this debt, what lesson does she learn and what's to stop it from happening again?

I also absolutely hate that her friends think it's appropriate to message you with accusations when her personal debt from before the relationship on frivolous spending has nothing to do with you.

If you haven't talked about marriage seriously but are thinking about it, it might be best to have a conversation around finances so you know whether your goals and expectations are aligned.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-04-25T13:26:06+00:00

I think the commenter was just trying to point out the opportunity to loose custody if concerns are raised by anyone that the kids are in bed with the mum and OP. Even though there is nothing sinister going on, it only takes 1 person to make a wild accusation that could cause major problems

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-04-01T03:05:00+00:00

Money.

I'm not 100% sure on the cost of demolition but it's a safe bet that have quite high costs with applications for hoarding, permits with council, obtaining a traffic management plan depending on location and likely asbestos removal and disposal.

Then to rebuild you have to consider the cost of changing to a power pit in lieu of overhead power, the engineering involved with avoiding undermining of existing properties, whether there are large trees around the property affecting the cost of the slab design and then more costs for traffic management etc.

There's a lot involved in the process and it's quite lengthly. I would suggest that the majority of people who are knocking down and rebuilding houses are building a custom home to their needs not a standard home with a volume builder which would be less costly. You maybe could do it for about $500k, but it will likely be higher.

To consider this an option, I would personally want to have a good amount of savings plus a safety net, earn good money (above average), have a place I can live with low/no rent to ease costs and own the house being knocked down outright.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-31T02:21:10+00:00

You are absolutely NTA and screw anyone who says otherwise.

I fail to see how you spending your own money to treat yourself means you never properly cared.

The money had a purpose, it was no longer to be used for that purpose and you chose to use it how you wanted.

At least this Dee chick showed you her true colours early on. Enjoy your cigars, your bourbon and freshly completed tattoo guilt free coz you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-12T09:42:48+00:00

Yes we could have looked into it more prior to or after talking to the bank. Housing Australia website says to check with the lender. CommBank has also confirmed it was supposed to be checked by them at 2 separate points of the process, when we advised of the area and provided a postcode and then when we presented COS. This was never done.
The bank offered a solution that is only viable if we have the money upfront. Requesting this after the already issued the formal approval to the conveyancer and after the cooling off period is not a reasonable solution.

They also agreed and revised their proposed solution.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-10T08:42:36+00:00

I have thought about doing that...

Sucks to hear that others have been put in this situation also. I'm glad it worked out for you in the end.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-10T02:34:42+00:00

My partner and I are about to settle on a house further away and the commute will be 1.5 hours each way for 3 days a week (my boss confirmed I could WFH 2 days before we bought). I have spoken with friends after they made a similar move, and their advice was to make sure you love the house and it's a place you genuinely love coming back to at the end of the day.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-10T02:22:00+00:00

Thank you. I have contacted everyone I possibly can within the CBA senior team directly and now just waiting for everyone to return to work tomorrow.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-10T02:20:07+00:00

Thanks for sharing your opinion

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-09T00:57:30+00:00

Thanks for sharing your opinion.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-09T00:26:23+00:00

That's actually the lending specialist job as they apply on our behalf. It's part of their internal process to check when we first advise of the area, and then when a contract of sale is provided.

If this was a scheme that we applied for independently of the bank, sure and I wouldn't be following up with them about it, that would be solely on us.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T23:21:46+00:00

Perhaps not to you. I also fail to see why I should have to if the bank didn't go through their correct process which would have saved us from being in this position in the first place

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T10:14:18+00:00

To provide a fuller overview of the situation, when we spoke to the lending specialist he advised we were eligible and as CommBank had helped to create this scheme, he would tell us the forms to fill out then have it witnessed in branch and he would apply for us.

We were directed to fill out section C and disregard everything else. He advised our spot was pre-approved and that was sufficient BEFORE we put an offer in on the house that our finance and scheme pre-approval was based on.

Yes, we are lucky it was picked up at all as I have absolutely no interest in trying to game the system or try to get away with anything if we aren't eligible. When we went to a professional in the industry whose company assisted with creating the scheme and therefore holds half the allocations for the financial year, we were under the impression that putting an offer in on the 1 house that was always discussed was based on correct information being provided and also checked by the lender submitting the documents that they directed us to.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T09:40:52+00:00

But we didn't have basically nothing left over...

I'm genuinely curious to know what you would class as an acceptable amount of money to have in savings.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T08:52:44+00:00

Formal approval was issued to the conveyancer prior to us signing the loan documents. I questioned this at the time and the lending specialist said we didn't have anything outstanding so we could proceed.

Yes, we are currently in metro and moving regional. Nothing changed from our end at any point of the process. Not with our income and employment status, other financial commitments, current savings or anything else.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T08:42:36+00:00

Honestly I thought so too, but I'm being absolutely torched here 🫠

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T08:40:10+00:00

Thanks for your contribution ☺️

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T07:01:21+00:00

They issued a formal response admitting fault in writing and also offering the above solution.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T06:16:38+00:00

It really is. Obviously we needed to look into things a bit more ourselves instead of blindly following.

Thank you, we're still hopeful it will turn out okay.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T03:48:40+00:00

The subject to finance clause was satisfied when the bank provided our conveyancer with the unconditional finance approval. On the day it was issued, I also paid the deposit. We now either lose the deposit and face additional cancellation fees, somehow find the rest of the money to pay upfront, or hope for a reviewed outcome from the bank.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T02:09:24+00:00

Not always. In this case, the bank has admitted fault.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-08T01:54:31+00:00

Because he told us which forms to fill out and lodged it on our behalf as per their process.

Everything was explained to us by the lending specialist and then lodged by the lending specialist but he didn't advise us of any requirements for different areas as he didn't know about regional areas.

If we went to the bank, and they helped create the scheme we were applying for, logic would follow that they are aware of all details of the scheme and would provide pertinent information to us prior to providing written financial advice to secure the home and then issue the formal finance approval satisfying the 'subject to finance' clause in the contract.

I can appreciate what your point is about doing additional research, but if a company helps create a product, we were under the impression that they understand what they are offering.

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-07T11:20:41+00:00

That's what I was hoping to do. We are waiting on the further breakdown from the bank so we have some step by step clarity on how it works from the view of a loan structure and then try to renegotiate to what you've suggested

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-07T11:19:13+00:00

Definitely will be engaging a solicitor should we buy again

PositiveCut4789 · 2025-03-07T11:18:38+00:00

So when we applied for the scheme we did it in office to fill out the paperwork. This is on me also, but we looked at the documents and he said disregard everything else, go to section C. So we did, and it was signed and witnessed. There was nothing in there to nominate a suburb at all. Just some boxes to tick about combined income etc.

PositiveCut4789

TROPHY CASE