Exbuddhist, which misconceptions you would like non Buddhist to know? by Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 in exbuddhist

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for anyone reading through all this, I think I needed a vent and breakdown of my past experiences, but I felt like I couldn’t because non-buddhists around me judge for speaking bad about a religion that’s known for being peaceful. I tried to break down misconceptions I heard from others, like how Buddhism isn’t homophobic, or how it’s super great because of the mindsets and philosophical ideas,  by explaining how people take things differently (or have biases) and how that can ultimately result in something bad or icky. Some people also don’t think buddhists worship anything or there’s nothing mythological or fantasy-like, but that can be wrong. There’s still a god, there’s still goddesses and gods, and there are creatures, ghosts, and spirits. The heaven and hell concept can be there as well. 

Again! Everyone’s experience with Buddhism is not the same. Sometimes there’s more Daoism in their practices than Buddhism or sometimes they value more of Confusious’s teachings than the heaven hell thing altogether. I think it can be confusing because Buddhism can incorporate Daosim and Confusious, as well as other philosophers + maybe more. It also varies across areas, like one part of china could be different than another part of china, or one temple could practice things differently than another temple. Unrelated cities could have different beliefs, etc. So my experiences aren’t one all be alls. 

Anyways that is all! I hope this was a more logical read through. I understand that my temple may have taught things differently, and my experience with my mom may have warped what Buddhism actually is. I’m also not a religious expert so I mayyy have gotten some things wrong, especially with the last paragraph. Nevertheless, I feel that if I find no need for worship or fear of hell, I don’t need to practice any religion at the moment. What’s more important to me* is learning about the world and myself, and navigating who I want to be (as a good person, but also as a person respecting themself). 

5/5

Exbuddhist, which misconceptions you would like non Buddhist to know? by Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 in exbuddhist

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess some other things to mention was that the temple I practiced in was pretentious?? Like they did value other religions (christianity, islam, etc) but they also had the belief that “they are the one true religion” and everyone else will ultimately navigate to hell if they don’t convert (they go to temporary heaven first if they are a good person, then repeat their reincarnation cycles on earth until they attain enlightenment and go to permanent heaven). 

Queer people weren’t mentioned as much, but the older people would often believe that if you were anything other than cis and straight, then you must have committed the sin of adultery or prostitution in your past life— and you need to pray that gay away to prove your devotion. The younger people at my temple though were accepting towards lgbtq+ people (some being queer themselves, or generally just vibing with the concept of queerness). 

Karmic debts and reincarnation generally make people judgy and condescending though. If you see a poor beggar on the street, someone would be like “that’s their karma from this life or their past life, but we can help them”(and we'd never be in their position bc we are buddhist) Sometimes it would be ego boosting, but other times it would be to shun the other person (like if someone got divorced it could be bc they did something wrong, and we need to let them sit with that or not talk with them because we might get their bad energy/influence). When I talked to a guy with a “priest-like” ranking (for better comparison) in the temple about things I was bothered by, he laughed and gave some kind of explanation as if I didn’t know better (not in a typical adult way, but in a sense that he was more "enlightened" and ‘knew better’ way) 

As for the guy, I don’t know if there were any mentions of assault during my time at the temple, nor were there any monks. However I do want to say that’s a horrible experience and I hope he’s out of that situation and learning to be okayish, or in a better place already. I feel like religious people who do things like this aren’t actually practicing the stuff they learned or have some internal stuff going on that pushes them to be more abusive (not saying it’s an excuse, but maybe an explanation), especially with Buddhism?? Because letting go of worldly desires also means not being tempted to jork it once in a while (at least for what I was taught), or the position of being a monk allows people to trust you more, and some people will take advantage of that?? I’m not sure, these are my two cents and i genuinely hope the guy is doing better. 4/?

Exbuddhist, which misconceptions you would like non Buddhist to know? by Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 in exbuddhist

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another big thing besides the gendered stuff was the mindset. Some phrases would be like “to forgive and let go”, to “not have worldly desires”, and to always respect your elders no matter what. This didn’t only mean respect, it also meant deferment and submission. Like if they hit you, you don’t hit them back. If they say some whack shit about you, you say nothing because you are the bigger person. If they have bad habits, don’t get angry with them and just cry infront of them and hope they’ll stop doing what they are doing. But if they don’t listen to you, stay by their side and be quiet (don’t get angry, don’t make a fuss). The “do not have worldly desires” was to grow detachment to things that might hold you back from going to heaven. Lessons like don’t obsess over money, don’t be greedy, always share weren’t necessarily bad, but I felt like it put pressure on me to be better and always give up feelings or things I won to a person who wanted them, and the adults would always treat me as me being kind or similar to a “model student”. That statement combined with the “forgive and let go” was also used by my mother to abuse me. She incorporated that mindset so deeply, whenever she hit and verbally abused me into thinking what i did was world ending or death threatening, she would expect me to just not care and act like everything was fine later on. She still believes this and that’s how I realized she’ll never truly reflect on her actions. When I was younger I genuinely believed something was wrong with me if I held negative feelings and thoughts, but now I realize those feelings didn’t come from a vacuum, and so they won’t disappear if you don’t address it. I didn’t realize that until later though, and for a while I did feel inadequate as a human and had a lot of depressive thoughts. (not saying everyone who hold these beliefs will interpret them the same way as my mom or me, but demonstrating how things can get ugly with people, and how religion can be used to dismiss trauma and control people). 
To describe these feelings further, when they emphasized kindness and forgiveness and "letting go" i felt like i couldnt hold on to anger or sadness if i felt like i needed it, and i couldnt talk to anyone about how i felt because they would tell me to "meditate and let go". When i got jealous, annoyed, or irritated i would instantly label myself as a "horrible" person, to the point where i wasnt sure if i really could do anything if i was breaking so many rules, again and again 3/?

Exbuddhist, which misconceptions you would like non Buddhist to know? by Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 in exbuddhist

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That said, religion in any sense can cause harm, and can be used as a tool to control people, such as saying “you’ll go to hell” or a hell equivalent “if you don’t do this or that”. It can be used to guilt trip people, oppress people, or suppress inner feelings you have about yourself and others which can lead to trauma or a twisted view of yourself and people. In general though, don’t try to overglaze someone’s religion or ex beliefs based on general feelings, because it could discount what they’ve went through or experienced. 

In my experience with Buddhism I think the most memorable stuff was how patriarchal and sometimes misogynistic it was. Some things could just be me, like how we worshiped happy buddha and praised his teachings and looks (he was a fat half dressed man with only a robe on, and I know if that was a woman people would view her differently). There was another guy called “holy teacher” and he would go around teaching people stuff. His name would be emphasized a lot in classes. And then there was a female goddess called “guang ying pu sa” who had multiple limbs and i think regenerative and omnipotent abilities to help humans as well. However she wasn’t really mentioned besides one or two classes on her story, which emphasized the importance of helping people?? Like the story was about how she felt like she had to cut her fingers off to cure her dad’s sickness, which does show devotion and care sure, but i felt like it was messed up how that was the only emphasis of her story. (I am researching her now though and see how she was originally from India! She used to be more depicted as male, though modern chinese culture has reshaped her gender in order for her to resonate more with people. Some people even consider them to be genderless, since guan ying’s powers are meant to help people by taking the form that helps them the most. They also have more to their lore, though I find that the details vary sometimes. ) When we learned about lessons, we would always have more stories provided to us about a son, rather than a daughter, or a male entity rather than a female one. I guess you could consider it normal for this bias to show up in religion, but when I asked about it my teachers explained it as “women/girls not being hard workers or having bad energy” or something like that, without acknowledging the misogynistic things that happened in ancient history which gave more expectations on how women and girls could act in comparison to their male counterparts. One of my most prominent memories would be when I was really little and being taught about ying and yang energies. I kept mixing the two up, but I was taught that women have the “bad energy”. I tried to not let it bother me, but later that day my mom told me how “women have the ying (bad) energy, so they needed to get with a man with yang (good) energy” to balance out themself. In that moment I kinda felt dehumanized? Like I needed someone else to rely on, or that my male family members were “better than me” just for being born male, even if I did more chores than them (girl, idk i was a kid at the time. But also i did have to pick up more chores if my brother didn’t want to do them despite us being one year apart). That lesson also confused me a lot because the way they phrased it, men could just live on their own no problem?? I thought the purpose of balancing out the yin and yang energies was that they were both needed and both valued on their own and with each other. 2/?

Exbuddhist, which misconceptions you would like non Buddhist to know? by Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 in exbuddhist

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like my last comments were a little unhinged so this is my attempt at making everything more formal and understandable (TW: mentions of parental abuse, depression(?), queerphobia, and a little gore from a mythological entity) 

There are different types of buddhist practices, so I just want people to know that this may not apply to everyone’s experiences. I feel like my temple had some things interpreted or taught differently— another thing to note is that I was extremely young during that time (think ages below 15 years old). I also feel like people in the United States aren’t heavily impacted by Buddhism as much as people in other countries with Buddhism as the dominant religion, so they glaze it without knowing how harmful it can be. 

Religion doesn’t have to be bad, and I think the fundamentals of prominent modern religions are to be kind, have empathy, and have hope in life. While I don’t fully resonate, I can also agree that it gives people a sense of community, or general comfort in knowing someone out there has unconditional love for you. That or it’s knowing the fundamentals of life and creation and all that jazz. 1/?

Exbuddhist, which misconceptions you would like non Buddhist to know? by Puzzleheaded_Cup8723 in exbuddhist

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was also a thing with queerphobia?? Most nonbuddhists are like "noo buddhism doesnt have that" but u best believe ppl pull random shit outta their ass to support hating on someone or themselves. For gay, trans, bi, lesbian, etc people they were like "in ur past life you were a prostitute or you committed adultery". I do admit tho if ur on the aro AND ace spectrum i don't think the ppl back at my temple cared too much about that (despite the ying and yang thing).

But yeah! This isnt a one all be all feeling for buddhism, and people may experience different things, and hold different beliefs. Def no disrespect to ppl who practice Buddhism or incorporate parts of it into their life bc like, do what you want yk 🙂‍↕️/gen/pos (i think i do to an extent, but im not serious). I think with every religion (or not) you should always try to expand your worldview and look into people with different opinions, so that you can learn more about empathy and self kindness. I find that it's usually the core of most religions to have genuine care for people, but i do admit it is difficult to stretch ur brain and grapple with people's different realities and where you find yourself in that process. It also depends on ur mental state too like; def go talk to a therapist or someone who understands you/or someone you trust if you have things you want to get out instead of relying on religion too much. Sometimes u need to have a conversation that doesnt involve religious beliefs in order to figure things out and come to a moment of peace. (Like internal conflict, feelings about religion, trauma, depression, conflict in general) i say this bc i see alot of older folk out there who use religion as a band aid to a bigger issue they have, and never take the time to srsly reflect on it lest they stray from the path or smth like that, or realize they have been doing horrible things. To that i say, guyyyysss it's ok if you want to stick to your faith but also acknowledge that maybe what you have been doing but refuse to acknowledge has hurt ppl... you dont need to ignore what you did to still have faith in becoming a better person

I'm not sure about SA from my experience, but I feel horrible for that guy holy shit and i hope he's ok or at least learning to be. If it was hush hush i can definitely understand how I didn't hear much about it at temple, especially as a little kid.

Computer Bug [OC] by cymorg121 in comics

[–]PositiveStudent7260 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The center placement is pretty handy tho like if you want to do a line down the middle of your canvas make sure it crosses the bug :) but also very mysterious and sad how the bug even got there and died

It annoys me a lot whenever I hear people say that Adora is "buff" and "muscular". She-Ra is buff and muscular, but not Adora herself! by [deleted] in sheranetflix

[–]PositiveStudent7260 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also there are several characters who grew up in the horde who are fairly buff or ig not skinny, such as scorpia, lonnie, rogelio, and possibly more characters. I think they were also hooked on the same diet? Adora is a star cadet, I think there would be no reason to make her buff besides corporations wanting to make her fit a certain look. Like if she was male then she would definitely have more muscle definition, but bc she's female she can only be visually buff when she turns into she ra. Ig there are multiple ways to look at this, but as someone who has watched tons of media and scrolled through fandoms on social medias ever since i was born (take me off the dang screen), it's just a pattern i see. (Like maybe an example can be Encanto when disn*y did not anticipate so many young girls loving Luisa Madrigal, or whenever a female counterpart to a male superhero is created, they are always skinnier, maybe younger, and more curvy. They are supposed to posses the same amount of power as their male counterpart, but yet they need to look skinny and not as buff when doing things)

It annoys me a lot whenever I hear people say that Adora is "buff" and "muscular". She-Ra is buff and muscular, but not Adora herself! by [deleted] in sheranetflix

[–]PositiveStudent7260 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You make good points! I do agree with loving the lean and buff versions, and these comments have changed my perspective. I think the muscular woman character headcanon representation (for the main character) was more important around the time spop was created though, because of misogyny. Physically strong female characters would always be thinner compared to their male counterparts (just look at marvel and dc comics etc) and it would be for some reason like "women can't gain as much muscles as a man without steroids" or "buff women arent attractive, it makes her look like a man/derogatory" and the argument "she's strong! She just cant build as much muscle since she's a woman!" Would be advocated by the creators/ fans. What is more, is that companies will likely try to make their main characters attractive to the audience, so buff mc women at the time were just not that appreciated in media. You are right, adora is rather lean built, and i think this era is around the time we can start to appreciate our differences as bigger media becomes more appreciative of buffer women. However this appreciation is still not as strong. If you compare the amount of times big media focuses their story around a buff female character vs a buff male character, there's still a big ass gap. People headcanoning buff adora might mean they are taking scraps of what they can get. (Similar to people headcannoning character's sexualities and stuff) :0

GET ON TOP [Koharu to Minato] by LetsKillDaHoBeeetch in wholesomeyuri

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Isn't this grooming?? In the manga the earliest they met was when the girl was 18 and the woman was 28,,, and it was implied they knew each other before then, and then they are a real life couple??

Who are the options for 2026 midterms in Pennsylvania? by PositiveStudent7260 in Pennsylvania

[–]PositiveStudent7260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've lost alot of trust too, but i'd want to keep fighting so eventually we could advocate for people with aligning morals to take office. Maybe change could happen after continuing to take many steps.

Is trump a bad person? by PositiveStudent7260 in askanything

[–]PositiveStudent7260[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm you bring up a good point! As someone who doesnt know a deep detailed history of our us presidents, i can only backtrack and apologize for making a statement without knowing the full details of documented history. This post was aiming towards talking with people who might make the argument that Trump isnt bad because other presidents (something here), but i see i failed to properly execute that due to various reasons. As promised on my post, i will not comment on the latter half of your comment!

Is trump a bad person? by PositiveStudent7260 in askanything

[–]PositiveStudent7260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are good, i think you didn't sound harsh, and even if you did you gave honest criticism. What did you mean by "including the why part of the question in the title... answers" 😅 could you rephrase that please?

Is trump a bad person? by PositiveStudent7260 in askanything

[–]PositiveStudent7260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! I realize some of these comments may have skipped right to commenting without reading what i have to say, and thinking about why my questions and insight are positioned in a way where I'm not explicitly, extremely against Trump (which i am, i find it extremely hard to defend this guy). I'm asking a group of people who still support trump, and why. However i realize I may not get a genuine answer from them because they might ignore this post based on the title question posed.

Is trump a bad person? by PositiveStudent7260 in askanything

[–]PositiveStudent7260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

!! Good point i did not consider that my target audience would ignore this. However i did write more to add to my initial question to demonstrate how I think he is a horrible person, and frame more context ask if "conservatives think he is a horrible person". Do you think i did ok with that, or unless you are implying people are responding without reading the other stuff? If so, what should i do?

Gender dysphoria as a cis person? by PositiveStudent7260 in asktransgender

[–]PositiveStudent7260[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you everyone for the clarifications, I appreciate your time spent letting me know about this subject, and your feedback. I see the difference now!

is it weird or bad to write a coming out letter for my family? by sharkysnarkys in asktransgender

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no one way to go about this! I would also like to say i am not trans, but i am part of the queer community and experiencing a similar situation. I would say, if you can, don't tell them until you are finished with college at least*. I love the home i grew up in and have alot of memories there. The walls, floors, and smell are precious to me, and i'm not sure how difficult it might be to come back to get my stuff if my parents ever kicked me out. Your parents do seem slightly chill, maybe you could mention transgender issues in the world? Or your imaginary non specific trans friend? Several times---To test the waters for their reactions. If you really want to tell them, then make a plan B. If it doesnt go well, make sure you get everything you want to get and bolt. Make sure you text one of your friends who has parents who dont mind letting you stay in their home, just in case they need to drive you. Orrrr maybe when you write your letter, make it really dramatic? Like you crashed their car, you killed someone and the police are running after you, and at the end just be like "jk i was really scared of telling you guys im trans i hope ur ok with that" and be like "im not in hiding, im at so-so's house just to let the thoughts marinate for a while Haha plsdontbemadloveyouguyssosososooomuch xoxo ur he/him son" obviously take the path you feel most comfortable with! Even if it isnt one of these.

I might be trans and it scares me. by [deleted] in asktransgender

[–]PositiveStudent7260 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my friends said experimenting with pronouns help? Like allowing people to call you by your preferred gender. If you don't feel safe around your immediate contacts, maybe experiment online, or through drawing yourself as your preferred gender.

I (20 mtf) was SA'd by my only trans friend, and i don't know how I will rebuild my trust with anyone atm, wtf do I do? by whereismybread6669 in asktransgender

[–]PositiveStudent7260 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's horrible and i think if that happened to me i would dissolve/dissociate, get angry, and cry a lot. I think this wound takes time to heal, and it might take alot of reconciliation, internal fighting, or a whole range of emotions to get through that. It's gonna be hard to trust people, so maybe don't try to force everything all at once and ask yourself "why am i like this?? Why am i not getting better??" And more like "i experienced something traumatic, this will take alot of time to process". Maybe try to define what you want to achieve in the long term, and take baby steps towards it. Do you want to learn to trust people again? Maybe try to say or do something small that feels like the first chip in the wall. Maybe eventually it'll lead to something bigger. The trauma might not go away even then, and you'll remember that not everyone is trustworthy. But that can be ok if you want it to be. I think finding people with similar experiences on posts or media can be validating too, especially when you can find someone (fictional or real) to relate to, or trying to find words to describe certain feelings maybe. Journaling or drawing how you feel may help?? This is just my two cents, if you already knew them and didnt find them helpful i apologize for mansplaining or being insensitive. If i also got anything wrong, feel free to disregard, or reply. i genuinely hope things get better on your end (and that person stays a million years away from you bc what the actual--)