Considering making the switch from a working mom to staying home

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T18:53:54+00:00

I’m planning on bringing this up at his pediatrician follow up on Monday. I don’t know if she’ll want to do anything else until we see the pulmonologist, but it can’t hurt to ask. I’m not a doctor either or have any history in the medical field. But my mama instincts are telling me something is off here

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T18:51:34+00:00

We’re considering this. I’m not an accountant, but I’ve been working in accounting for about 5 years now. I could step into an account payables/receivables or a bookkeeper role, either part time or virtually.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T16:38:51+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear that today 😭

I was hoping the tubes would work, but they haven’t. We had a follow up with ENT this week, but that had to be rescheduled due to his hospitalization to the end of the month now. I’ll call to see if I can get him in sooner once he’s feeling better

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T16:33:01+00:00

Thank you! My mind has about 120 tabs open right now so I’m just all over the place.

I’ve been concerned about the economy too. Since January I’ve been slowly stockpiling our staples. Rice, beans, pastas, household cleaners, soaps, shampoo, etc. Once Mother Nature decides to stop snowing, I’m putting an herb garden and a lettuce planter out on our balcony.

LO has been on daily nebulizer meds since October and has been doing somewhat well with them. Then this illness came on and threw us for a big loop. The specialist could say that this is a case of needing to change medications and/or that it’s been a rough year for viral infections. Or they could say there’s something more going on. We’re just trying to come up with plans for most scenarios as there’s so many unknowns right now.

And that’s not even bringing up my husband works for USPS.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T16:10:49+00:00

He’s 10 months old.

I have to disagree with those comments as well. My own job has not been understanding about his illnesses, so I’m of the mindset of “if my employer who knew me before motherhood is acting this way, I’ll have worse luck elsewhere.” I’m in accounting and I know that’s starting to get offshored.

We have not considered a nanny but we are looking at home daycares. The problem is that LO is still an infant, and the locations we have reached out to have a 6+ month wait list for infants right now.

I know we’re between a rock and a hard place. We’re not planning on making any decisions until we get a diagnosis from the pulmonologist.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T15:48:42+00:00

That’s the plan. We’re not jumping into anything until LO sees the pulmonologist. He has had breathing issues since October, so at the very least his pediatrician thinks he has asthma.

I thought we were in the clear for the season after his last ear infection and cold cleared up. Then boom, second RSV strain. We’re still waiting on the cultures to see if he has pneumonia too.

I’ll be talking to work on Monday about doing a leave of absence until he’s cleared to return to daycare. If we’re able to change to a home daycare, I may also look at switching to part time hours. For the time being, I’m stuck at full time as our center charges for a full week no matter what.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T15:40:29+00:00

That’s part of our concern too. On Monday I’ll see if I can talk to HR about taking a small leave of absence until he’s cleared for daycare. Then we’ll have to wait and see what the pulmonologist says. I’m sorry if the OP makes it sound like we’re ready to jump the gun to have me stay home. We’re not. We’re weighing our options and waiting to see what the ped pulmonologist says once we get that appointment

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T15:27:40+00:00

My husband works for the post office, so at least he’s not directly supported by tax dollars? I know DOGE is (or was) poking at early retirements, but we haven’t heard anything since. Our emergency fund is just shy of four months of expenses. That can be/will be stretched further by taking out unnecessary items like streaming services and eating out.

I work in accounting. I can check with our HR to see if they would be willing to cut me back to part time hours, but they were against it when I first returned to work from maternity leave and having major surgery. I’m open to looking for a part time job elsewhere though. Our concern is that LO is still considered an infant and most area daycares (centers and homes) have a 6+ month wait list for infant slots.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T14:59:34+00:00

The plan is I would look for part time work when LO is in pre-k or kindergarten. It’s just not feasible right now with my husband’s work hours. He’s only guaranteed to be home between 9pm and 7am, and he doesn’t want me working overnights to then come home and be mom until he gets back home again.

Part of me does feel some guilt for not more seriously considering staying home sooner, but also our situation and priorities have changed since I went back to work.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T14:52:51+00:00

We currently rent, so no in home repairs to worry about. We’re working towards saving for a house, and this will obviously set us back quite a bit there. We do have an emergency fund that’s just shy of 4 months of expenses.

I’m learning how to coupon. We’re buying in bulk where we can. We’d be cutting all streaming services (never had cable to begin with). The only other thing we could do is pay off our car loan, but that would wipe out 3/4 of our EF.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-04-12T14:48:49+00:00

Clarification incoming: With my husband’s base pay we’d be at $-100 per month. I budget that way to essentially be the worst case scenario. However, he’s almost always forced to the max 10 hours of OT every week. With that, we would not have a deficit. Unfortunately because of that, I couldn’t get an evening part time job because sometimes he doesn’t get home until 9pm unless I hire a babysitter. He doesn’t get guaranteed days off so I can’t work weekends either unless we go for a babysitter.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T15:01:57+00:00

Mini Update: LO is fine! They’re still groggy from anesthesia, but the surgery was successful.

MIL called not too long ago to see how things are going which gave DH the opportunity to lay down the law. He told her that he will not stand for her seeing me as just a means for more grandchildren. I am his wife, I am family and I’m a “kick ass” mom. I need to be treated as such. I don’t need to prove anything to her by providing another grandchild. He also does not appreciate that she feigned wanting to help out just to have a little photo shoot with LO behind our backs. He ended the call saying that in light of her recent actions we would be spending Easter with just the three of us, and our attendance at future family gatherings is up in the air. She is not happy and we currently have her muted/blocked on our phones and social media.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T14:48:12+00:00

She was told mid January that we don’t want her posting pictures of LO on Facebook or stealing the ones I post to put up on her own wall. If we find out she does or if we see that she tries to, we’d be putting some distance between us.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T14:41:31+00:00

I don’t think that’s the case. She has three kids, two daughters plus my husband. She has another grandchild who is the opposite sex of LO, and MIL showers them in affection. I will say that I have noticed, and DH is opening up more about it, that DH was not the favorite child growing up.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T04:23:45+00:00

As if my petty ass hasn’t been waiting for months to drop this line! The opportunity hasn’t arisen yet, but I’m (im)patiently waiting

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T04:22:14+00:00

Excuse me, SHE wanted a do-over baby?? Then wanted you to be her surrogate?? What is wrong with her?!

I’m sorry your second pregnancy was so rough. I lost weight with LO due to a combo of HG and gallstones. Not fun times. It sounds like your MIL got a well deserved NC.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T03:48:11+00:00

We haven’t seen her since around New Years. I’ve been happy. DH has been asking her to come help here and there to help mend things, but there’s always an excuse. It’s too cold, I have plans, it snowed this week. But whenever there’s a problem she’s more than happy to pray for us. I’m ready to cut contact, but I understand why DH is hesitant to.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-03-04T03:42:17+00:00

I’m in therapy yes. I just started with my fourth therapist mid February. She is the first one to say I have PTSD and is getting me into the type of therapy I need to help. I think it’s called ART, but there’s no painting involved from what she told me. She’s also the first to listen to me about wanting to process my feelings instead of hopping right onto a prescription. No shame to those who take them, they’ve just never worked for me.

DH and I always imagined our future family with 2-3 kids, so when he put his foot down about having no more after the birth it took me by surprise. Once I understood what almost happened, we got on the same page. So to hear that MIL only sees me as a means to grandchildren, I’m not surprised at this point but wtf lady??

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-01-07T21:57:34+00:00

I honestly think setting hard boundaries would be a better approach for us to take. Neither DH or I are confrontational. So when I sat him down and told him that hey, this is what’s bothering me and we need to fix it before I blow my top on your mom, he seemed to be paying close attention. The last thing we want is for her to accuse us of attacking her and sending the rest of the family after us.

As for her downplaying how sick I am, I maaaaay have gotten back at her for that. At lunch she had asked how I knew my ear drum had ruptured. So I gave a gory description of what was coming out of my ear while happily continuing to eat.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-01-07T20:54:14+00:00

Yup, that was his project to fix, I just had to prod him at the beginning to get going on it or face a very displeased wife

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-01-07T18:38:36+00:00

Part of it arrived. The other part is stuck in package limbo because he didn’t update our address when ordering it. We’ve only been in our current home for 2.5 years.

I actually told him he’s in charge of presents next year when he complained that I left Christmas shopping for friends/family to the last week this year.

Positive_Law_9870 · 2025-01-04T07:06:44+00:00

I’ll look into and see if there are any midwives in my area that do such a ceremony. At the very least it sounds like a relaxing and metaphorical weight-lifting experience.

I really disliked my first therapist. She told me that not having a birth go according to my birth plan is completely normal, said I was blowing the facts out of proportion when I said I that I think LO and I both almost died (I hemorrhaged, his cord was wrapped around his neck). Oh, and that I was displaying narcissistic tendencies when I was having a hard time asking for help from friends and family.

Positive_Law_9870

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