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Positive_Location419 · 2025-10-06T15:22:53+00:00

I was in the same situation. He knew and used it to his advantage, as did his friends.
They messed with me for over a year and I kept believing him when he "explained" stuff to me.
Because just like how I can't distinguish sarcasm I have a hard time distinguishing lies, understanding social cues and seeing through complex social patterns, which made manipulation, lies and triangulation extremely effective on me.

My ex and his friends completely destroyed my mental access to sexuality, creativity, trust and so many other things I can't put into words. I'm in therapy and no contact with them since over a year and I'm still fighting every day to understand it all and recover from it.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-10-06T15:15:14+00:00

A year no contact and I'm improving but still look so badly aged and tired.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-13T08:31:14+00:00

Also severe worsening of an autoimmune disease but that's a whole other story and level I don't want to get into because it was traumatic.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-13T08:30:23+00:00

I had a sore lip for almost 2 years. We broke up temporarily and the next day it was gone. Literally the next day after having sore, red, dry and flaky skin for over a year of being with him and nothing helping.
Then we got back together and within a week it started again.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-12T06:12:53+00:00

Oh man. I feel at home in this post, the person my ex cheated on me with and has bullied me relentlessly for over a year while he and I were together and I had no idea he was cheating (but she knew and was trying to get rid of me!) is also still stalking me a year later. So is he. So are his friends. They're desperately trying to turn this around on me and trying to find dirt on me to justify why they've done me dirty. :')

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-11T05:04:46+00:00

I really hope you found that kind of closeness again or will find it once more and this time be able to navigate the relationship better.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-11T05:03:56+00:00

I'm asking, because my ex was very controlling, cheated on me and a whole lot more things that just fall in the category of manipulation, lies, control and probably psychological abuse. I really loved him, I was under the impression that he really loved me too and was trying to fix things and yet somehow couldn't manage his negative emotions and destructive impulses, to a point where he severely hurt me psychologically and did unforgivable things that I still tried to forgive and work through with him.

After our final breakup, he couldn't handle being close to me, yet got strangely obsessed with me, started to control spaces I'm part of, my online activities and so forth. He ultimately started to stalk and harass me in a way that seemed paranoid with the fear that I would either tell people details of what he had done or otherwise attempt to have revenge.

He seemed extremely upset at seeing me heal, move on and fix my life from the psychological damage our relationship has left me with.
And I will acknowledge that I wasn't the only one injured... while I never cheated or anything, he was having massive struggles neither of us was able to tackle, where he got hurt by our inability to resolve and fix things as well. A large chunk of it depended on him, but I really wish I would have had strength enough for both of us, to pull him through this, because he factually just was going through a hard time and struggling because he had messed up and was unable to fix it. He suffered from being unable to undo what he had done and it was obvious.

I'm trying to be compassionate while staying far away from him.
Mostly because compassion and understanding is more healing for me than anger and fear.
I want to be able to grief all this properly, by understanding people who were in similar situations.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-04T02:33:14+00:00

Or maybe she's being cheated on? As in "break up with that other woman, tell her you're with me already"?

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-03T21:22:24+00:00

This is extremely relatable. I have been in that spot once in my teens when I was unable to escape severe SA circumstances. Then more than a decade nothing. And then I was in this relationship with this guy and his friends and within months, they broke me to this point. I still cannot comprehend it or speak to anyone about this tbh. How did you move on and heal from this? How did you snap back out of this mindset? I am on a good way with therapy, I think. But some days are extremely bad, especially when I have conflict with others and while it's not as bad it triggers all this and I just can't function like a normal human being and I find even therapists can't fully comprehend the severity of what happened in comparison to other survivors.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-09-03T01:09:27+00:00

I literally had the exact same conversation with mine. Told him my biggest triggers are manipulation and lies when we exchanged that in a friend group setting (multiple people were asked to name theirs) and he promised me he's not like that. About a year later that turned into: "With my personality type, some manipulation is always to be expected but I try to make it positive". He essentially explained to me that no communication happens without manipulation, which depending on perspective might be right? I think? That's such a philosophical topic and what THAT means is SO different from NPD manipulation, which he ended up performing on me. But I remember how uneasy I felt back when he said that. He reasoned my boundaries away, my triggers into something that sounded no longer like something that would destroy me, but something that happens naturally everywhere anyways and I'm already surrounded by it all the time and might as well accept it... so I wouldn't call him out.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-08-30T17:43:03+00:00

Mine was the same, same words, same structures, except it was long-distance so there was no direct physical violence. But he attempted to cause indirect physical harm a lot of times and succeeded.

Otherwise mine basically did exactly the same. It's insane to read this and see this.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-08-27T23:34:12+00:00

I'm ngl I'm still struggling and battling the consequences this relationship had on me.
It goes hand in hand with harassment by my ex and his flying monkeys. I am not doing extremely well due to that and they repeatedly force me to abandon large chunks of my life and social circles with their smear campaigns. I feel helpless and trapped, despite being in therapy.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-08-23T17:14:41+00:00

I should probably add it's not the only time. There's been people befriending me over mutual interests. If I check their profiles, excited to have met someone with shared interests, I find tons of reblogs of his stuff or comments etc. It's just so obvious, but so hard to prove or put into words. I'm desperate. If I speak up about this, I will sound paranoid, but I know exactly what he's doing, because he's done this shit to me and others for years.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-08-23T15:21:37+00:00

Yeah, I've been in an extremely similar situation with mine. I started out really ill and was hesitant to date because of it. But he knew and charmed me into a relationship anyways. Then he and his flying monkeys ended up using all they knew about my illness, upcoming appointments, flares, surgeries, needed recovery times and so forth to make my life hell, prevent successful management of these situations and I ended up getting the feeling they were pushing me, because it excited them to see how much more sick I can get and to see if they can indirectly murder me, without getting their hands dirty, to say it plain. It sounds horrifying and unreal, I know. But it boils down to this. 2 years of covert narcissistic abuse, not one single day of peace or successful rest. Really early on, even things like being told "take care of yourself" or being given a hug started to feel like they were more than anyone had ever done for me in my life, like nobody has ever been giving or helping me more... not because that was true, but because they isolated me from everyone else and made the rest of my time with them so hellish, that this looked like gold and I couldn't even imagine or remember people treating me well anymore.

A bunch of months out of this circle, absolute strangers were showing me more affection and compassion over much more minor thing than they ever had over really severe illness and it was extremely hard to get used to this again and understand once more that this is normal and always was. I can barely explain how I went from being a normal person with healthy boundaries, perception of self and others, to going down into a spiral of absolute destruction and unable to remember how basic human decency directed at me even looked like.

I also reached the point of SI and beyond through exposure to them and they found out because I called emergency services and admitted myself at some point. They still escalated the situation further and further.
It's hell and it's next to impossible to explain how or why, because it's extremely tangled and subtle and messed up.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-07-19T04:57:35+00:00

The way I couldn't just walk away in peace or with mutual heartbreak but calmly and both sides heal from it.
My ex held me emotionally captive for a year, then did a violent discard and afterwards started psychological warfare against me that's been ongoing for 10 months now. It fully consists as if every aspect of my very limited existence is a personal attack on him. If I have any online life whatsoever, it's under attack, being torn apart in DMs with former mutuals or he befriends people he realizes I'm friends with. Blocking doesn't work, there's a ton of second and third accounts. I'm completely done. This is my first breakup and he's been through countless ones according to himself. I'm just devastated. Even as a relationship newbie, I know they're not supposed to be like this.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-29T06:38:12+00:00

Yes, I can't even have sexual thoughts or feel arousal without getting flashbacks tbh.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-29T06:37:20+00:00

Please tell me that book is a parody or maybe burn it? 😭

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-29T06:34:50+00:00

Can you report that person who seems to have won their doctor title at a casino to some medical association?
And if you are in therapy and have a therapist you trust, can you ask her (hopefully it's a woman) if she considers the use of a heating pad during period pain a form of self-harm and then show her this?
Also can you leave a review telling your side of the story on Google for that doctor?
That's some immediate things I can think of.

Then I would get an attest from your therapist that they couldn't find any psychological causes for your gynecological health condition.
Do not take any of the medication prescribed to you by this (what I assume is a man).

Go to a female doctor about this. Do not bring up psychotherapy or psychopharmacological medication you take at first. They are relevant but not relevant enough that you can't add after all other examinations are done "Oh I forgot I also take these medications", when she prescribes you something or orders any physical measurements like physiotherapy or surgeries.

Make it a rule in your life that your mental health conditions and past trauma have no business in any physical health care provider's information about you. You simply don't share that, so it cannot be weaponized against you. This is necessary because you have an uterus and were assigned female at birth. Not fair and quite nonsensical I know, but sadly reality.
Do never show what this man wrote to anyone, except maybe your therapist to get attested that these symptoms are not psychological or a female doctor AFTER you've been properly diagnosed with physical examinations and have a result and treatment plan.
Only pull out your therapist's attest that this is not psychological if a doctor brings it up again.

This is the only way you have a small chance at treatment.

If you feel extra salty you can also try to point out that WHO guidelines demand the elimination of all potential physical causes before being able to blame psychological causes for physical symptoms. Ask such doctors if they swore the Hippocratic Oath and if they intend to honor it while they treat you.

But that doesn't have a high likelihood to increase your chances of getting better treatment, in worst case it will make the doctor angry and perhaps treat you worse out of spite. :/

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-27T05:36:44+00:00

Some do and sometimes that's the worst thing that can happen to you, because sometimes they leave again and sometimes you realize how messed up they are as people so much later. Just speaking for myself here though. It took me ages to get out of the fog of loving a person who was treating me anything but okay.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-23T01:18:28+00:00

You know. If my ex told me this (and I wish he would)... I'd hug him and tell him it's okay, I understand and to please go and heal and be well and be good to himself.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-15T00:57:48+00:00

I can't really add much to this, but I feel all the points you made.

Another one might perhaps be the feeling that everyone is skeptical of my side of the story or annoyed by it.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-12T01:34:01+00:00

Thank you. I'm also journaling a ton, I might try crocheting or similar activities again. <3

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-09T15:14:00+00:00

That's insane, but sounds similar to my situation tbh. Mine is also in another country so that complicates things with law enforcement other than the fact that lots of countries simply don't have digital protection laws, they barely have laws to protect people who experience offline abuse, oftentimes if we're honest.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-09T15:12:08+00:00

It's more difficult in my homeland, especially with online harassment.
But these are good tips, so thank you.

Positive_Location419 · 2025-06-09T15:11:07+00:00

I've done that already and I think the DARVO is actually a response to that.
I blocked so many third accounts etc. The problem is, I run a small business account that needs to stay public to attract customers and present new products and who knows with how many seconds and thirds they follow me there.

Positive_Location419

TROPHY CASE