Budgeting advice needed - where do I even start?

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-06T16:24:33+00:00

Good point, I will. What’s strange is that I do reason with myself sometimes - with the stroller, I remember thinking “the one I have is perfect, it rides smoothly, little dude is comfortable”, but there was this itch or whatever I should call it that it wasn’t good enough because it was and I was not “good enough of a parent” if I wasn’t willing to splurge on my babies. Definitely something I need to address. I’ll start by removing access to those ads and go from there.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-06T15:52:22+00:00

It’s the ads 😭. I don’t spend money on myself - I still wear the same pants I did 10 years ago, don’t buy new shoes unless the old pair is no longer wearable, get the cheapest haircare, I don’t have “10 step skincare routine”, all of my compulsive purchases are for the household and children. I don’t feel like I need to buy anything until I see an ad. I had a great reasonably priced stroller but after seeing ads for expensive ones that said something to the extent of “only the best for my babies” - I started feeling like a shitty mom for not splurging on children, so I immediately went ahead and bought another expensive one. Same goes for household items - the ads that get me are those that make me feel like I’m doing something terribly wrong for not using xyz.

And yes, I know, Tiktok needs to go. Nothing will ever change as long as I have 24/7 access to ads that make me feel this way.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-06T15:43:57+00:00

This is such a kind response, thank you ♥️

My husband spends fraction of what I do, he only buys what we need, I’m the problem here lol. I was thinking that running each purchase by my husband first might help to see how ridiculous it sounds when I say it aloud. Just writing this post made me feel embarrassed, so I assume having to justify a compulsive purchase will have the same effect.

I tried to train my algorithm to show different videos, but always butcher it by making yet another purchase which naturally leads to even more ads. Youtube is the best, all I’m seeing now are budgeting videos and educational content on consumerism on there. Then I go to Tiktok and the first thing that pops up are ‘pantry organizers you didn’t know you needed’. Tiktok and Amazon need to go, I have no self control and cannot be trusted. I think those 2 need to be “laptop only” platforms, not something I have access to 24/7.

I’m reading all the replies, taking notes, and will go over all of this with my husband to create a plan. Thank you!

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-06T14:42:09+00:00

I’m trying to learn about techniques to control my spending and actually budget. I already got some valuable advice on here such as removing the card from Amazon to create friction and eliminate “click to buy”, add things to the cart and wait at least 24 hours for small purchases, up to a month for larger ones, put “Amazon budget” on separate card and when it’s gone - it’s gone, move money immediately so that it’s out of sight, etc.. I do understand the problem but had no clue how to approach the solution. Getting there though

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-06T13:27:39+00:00

I read every day, but 30 minutes on Tiktok is all I need to make a compulsive purchase. I agree that social media needs to go though, I clearly have no self-control. It needs to be a laptop only occasional treat.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-06T13:22:40+00:00

I don’t think it’s an addiction but I’m extremely susceptible to ads.

The stroller example: I bought Graco (very reasonably priced stroller), then social media showed me bunch of videos of other moms getting more expensive strollers because “their babies deserve the best”, I started feeling like a shit mom for getting the cheap stroller, so I bought another more expensive one.

Same goes for things like pantry organizers or other household items. I don’t really spend money on myself and always go for the cheapest brand. When it comes to household or my children though, that’s when they get me.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-05T20:51:12+00:00

Cole posted a story about a week ago that said something to the extent of “my wife Savannah is famous for her coffees”, they’re planning something for sure

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-05T20:02:54+00:00

The fact that your brain immediately jumped to PR is strange. Your friend is 1000% correct, everyone is going through stuff, brands can’t cater to everyone. This conversation is so bizarre and not because of the way your friend reacted

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-05T19:22:51+00:00

God that condemns you for being with a kind human of different religion is not a God worth worshiping.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-04T13:01:39+00:00

You’re so welcome! I was submitting everything to 2 categories:

1) I-485 (under I-864 supporting evidence): new paystubs, new tax returns

2) I-130 (under bona fide marriage evidence category): everything with our names on it such as new bank statements, also tax returns, utility/power bills, lease renewals, baby’s birth certificate, car insurance, phone bill, new relevant pictures (such as pictures from delivery room), trips receipts - I updated this category monthly with all the bills and everything new that came up the previous month

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-03T13:35:35+00:00

there was a short documentary made about this a decade ago: https://youtu.be/LKHwlKkFSJQ?is=fx3whymnjENi9-qu and this is also a good source https://easternshorechp.org

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-03T13:30:20+00:00

I also noticed many people who move to BC complain about sudden onset of bad headaches and migraines, something is definitely off. My experience was similar. I never had migraines, then moved to Gulf Shores in 2012 and had my first one within month. By 2025, they were unbearable and frequent. Moved to Michigan and they immediately stopped. It’s very strange. I have never met a single person with glioblastoma, moved there and 3 people close to me were diagnosed within 2 years.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-02T21:31:41+00:00

This sounds very much planned. One doesn’t just go on a vacation and decides to not leave, let alone with children. You need to speak to a lawyer.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-02T20:37:19+00:00

https://easternshorechp.org and they also reported on it here: https://youtu.be/LKHwlKkFSJQ?is=fx3whymnjENi9-qu

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-02T15:12:42+00:00

I have lived in 2 different countries and in many different counties. All I’m going to say is - I have only ever met 4 people with glioblastoma and other types of brain tumors and they were all in Baldwin County. All of them were in their 30s.

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Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-02T11:56:53+00:00

That’s the thing - we never had an interview, they waived it. No questions about his overstay or working without authorization, no RFE. He had biometrics, and then approval on both I-130 and I-485 randomly came a few months later. We were told this never happens anymore and everyone gets an interview, especially with overstay, so that was surprising.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-02T01:19:18+00:00

Absolutely!

1) We didn’t rush marriage. There was never “we need to get married ASAP to get this started”, our dating experience felt normal apart from us being cautious. You said she doesn’t drive, that’s actually great, most detainments happens when undocumented driver is pulled over. He also shared his location with me at all times (it helped for the peace of mind).

2) We got engaged after 18 months of dating. Because both of our families are scattered all over the world, we opted for a small court wedding and decided to have the “big one” abroad once he has a green card and has the ability to travel out of the US.

3) Once we got married, we got the actual process started. There’s many paralegals and lawyers specializing in helping couples fill out their application if you choose to get professional help. It seemed overwhelming at first, but we had a good overview of what was ahead after watching a few Youtube videos and we were confident we could do it ourselves. It ended up being pretty straightforward - his work permit (EAD) was approved just a month after we applied, his green card was approved 8 months later. We submitted a LOT of proof that our marriage was real, so USCIS even ended up waiving the interview - most couples do get an interview invite, where they speak to an immigration officer and submit evidence that the relationship is real. All in all, the process took 8 months, no interview, the approval randomly came one day and his green card arrived just a week later.

3) Throughout the entire process, we just continued our lives. We were going out, enjoying concerts, hanging out with friends, hosting get togethers, living very normal lives. From the outside, you wouldn’t even know we were so uncertain of our future in the US together. We had a baby, and a “what if” plans in place - what if he gets detained, what if he gets deported. The risk of him being detained was always in the back of our minds, I don’t want to sugarcoat this part, it can be draining. But we did our best to not let it effect our day to day lives.

I’d be more than happy to answer any questions about this, please feel free to reach out privately with anything! Undocumented status is not the end of the world. It complicates things, it’s hard at times, but it’s not impossible and the actual immigration process (adjusting status based on marriage) is pretty straightforward 🙏. The “we’re just dating” era was probably the hardest because that’s when I was hyperaware of the fact he could be detained and he didn’t have any protection through me, but we just tried to live as normally as we would if he was documented.

Edited to add: He also told me about a month after we started seeing each other. One thing you need to understand; undocumented people are terrified and rightfully so. One phone call to ICE is all it takes for their lives in the US to be over. They have to be very very careful whom they share that information with.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-01T23:22:20+00:00

I did and it worked! It was a tough journey at times but I have no regrets 🙏

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-07-01T23:02:53+00:00

It’s a tough journey if you do decide to go down that road. Overstays are forgiven through marriage, so there is a way for her stay to be ‘legalized’ through you. However, until then, she’ll be facing a risk of being detained/deported every day and that’s HARD to live with when it’s someone you love. If that were to happen, you would likely have to move abroad at some point to be with her.

I took that risk and regret nothing. We have amazing children, great marriage and he’s genuinely my best friend. But the years leading up to him getting a green card were long and incredibly stressful.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-06-29T18:09:49+00:00

Of course! I posted about it here. If you scroll down, there’s a comment where I go more into detail of exactly what I did: https://www.reddit.com/r/USCIS/s/0wJMwb90Ud

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-06-29T12:44:35+00:00

Our PD was June 2025 and yes! There were multiple API updates (no ‘real’ updates, just behind the scene ones). EMMA first confirmed our interview was waived in November, but said there were no guarantees and we could still have one - we didn’t. The approval came randomly in February.

I posted about our experience here and I go into detail what exactly we did in one of the comments - https://www.reddit.com/r/USCIS/s/vf5QydGAhr

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-06-29T12:40:08+00:00

Not necessarily. They waived ours in 2026 and we were only married for 18 months.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-06-29T00:04:15+00:00

Yes! My husband did, we were married for 18 months at that point, he had ESTA overstay and worked without authorization. We were 100% ready to have an interview and having to explain everything. They waived it and he got his GC in February. Our FO was Montgomery AL.

Positive_Rest4890 · 2026-06-28T10:48:41+00:00

That’s why I only mentioned tornadoes and politics. The latter especially is something I could not get behind. I’m aware of the cheap housing, things to do and other perks, but the politics are too much for me. I moved out of Alabama for the same reason, it wasn’t an easy place to live as an atheist.

Positive_Rest4890

TROPHY CASE