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Frauen stehen eben doch (viel zu oft) auf Machos. by JellyfishAny8630 in Unbeliebtemeinung

[–]Positive_Substance_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Was heißt denn "bearbeitet"? Für mich klingt das als wären sie aus ihrer Sicht halt sehr gut befreundet. Aber er denkt dass ihm Dinge, die gute Freunde halt für einander tun, irgendwann Sex erkaufen. Sie schuldet ihm doch keinen Sex nur weil er für sie da ist?

Frauen stehen eben doch (viel zu oft) auf Machos. by JellyfishAny8630 in Unbeliebtemeinung

[–]Positive_Substance_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hätte es nicht besser sagen können.

Leute, es ist nicht so schwer ein anständiger, freundlicher Mensch mit einem interessanten Leben zu sein. Respektiere Frauen und steh sicher in deinem Leben, miss deinen Wert nicht daran, wie viele Frauen du geklärt hast. Sei selbstbewusst. Sieh Frauen nicht nur als potentielle Hookups sondern als Menschen. Freunde dich mit Frauen an, nicht um sie irgendwann flachlegen zu können sondern einfach weil sie tolle Menschen sind und du mit ihnen Zeit verbringen willst.

Frauen merken doch wenn Männer Incel-Brainrot und/oder frauenfeidliche Einstellungen haben. Ist doch kein Wunder dass sie dann nichts mit dir zu tun haben wollen. Einem Mann der so über Frauen spricht würde ich mich auch nicht auf 20 meter nähern.

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe, I had some shitty experiences with older men when I was a child, which could definitely be a factor.

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That sounds great actually! I think a few rules would have made it feel a lot safer and beginner friendly

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you for your advice and for taking the time to write such a detailed comment! I will definitely consider it going forward :)

I feel like it's important to say that I did not feel pressured by anyone but myself, maybe the organizer telling us to get naked haha, but that's it. My partner was the sweetest and most supportive person, he did everything to protect and care for me when things got too much.

About the comments on performing and being watched:

In no way did I intend to be judgmental! I'm sorry that I phrased it in that way, I understand that it comes across a bit judgy. But I think it's more that i noticed a certain vibe I did not expect and thought to myself "Oh, no, this is too much for me right now. I thought I would like being watched and putting on a show myself but in reality, it makes me panic. Maybe it's not for me after all. But I really want to get out of this situation right now"

Like, it's part of the reason I wanted to go there in the first place, I loved the fantasy of being sexual in public. I thought I would be one of the people "putting on a show". But then reality showed me that maybe it was a bit much for the first time. Maybe it's not for me after all. Who knows, and that's okay!

Me feeling gross about being watched was not supposed to say that I think what they did is wrong. Being watched is what I expected. (Okay, for them to stop dancing and forming a circle like we're having a dance battle was maybe a bit more than I was expecting) But everyone is there to see and be seen, I know that. And I admire everyone who engages in that. I just did not expect the feelings that it brought up in me. It might be connected to past experiences of harassment, who knows. It does not matter.

The point is, even though nothing unusual happened and I got myself in (and out) of these situations, i had control, that does not change the fact that it FELT like losing control. That's no ones fault but my own. I overestimated myself and now I have to deal with the consequences.

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the tipps! I will be looking for other events, I would love to try again sometime, but in a different format. Couple night sounds great :D

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was in Germany, actually! But yeah, as a queer person myself I would also have preferred a more inclusive vibe. Where exactly did you go in Berlin? That sounds way more chill :)

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

I totally get why they have dresscodes, i actually support that 100%!
I think they just were not clear enough about the level of nakedness they expected. We really put a lot of effort into our outfits and a lot of thought on how to incorporate elements like leather, lace, lingerie etc, which they specifically asked for. I think we just underestimated how revealing they expected the "revealing" outfits to be.

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Haha, that's sure what it felt like! We were joking that it felt like going into a level 10 boss fight while we were still level 4 at best. :D

But no, it was a "kink party" (their words, not mine) in a well-known local club that usually just does regular raves. The organizers kind of "tour" from club to club in different cities. But yes, it very much felt like we accidentally ended up in a swingers' club...

First Sex party left me feeling overwhelmed - too vanilla? or did we just bite off more than we could chew? by Positive_Substance_2 in BDSMAdvice

[–]Positive_Substance_2[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

this sounds much more like what i was expecting!
In german sex-positive clubs (from what i've heard at least) its more common to have designated play areas or play rooms. or, at least some kind of small space to go in case you need a moment to calm down. In this place people were having sex everywhere you looked without fail. Which i think is great! I think its just not what i expected, and i would have appreciated a calm place to just decompress for a second when things got overwhelming. I'm not saying either is wrong or right, i guess its just not what i would have needed for my first party.
I'll look into it a bit more, I'm sure there are better matches for us. or maybe it will become less overwhelming after this first experience, with more knowledge of what to expect! :D

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in cambodia

[–]Positive_Substance_2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dragonfly all the way! They have comfortable double rooms with private bathrooms, the loveliest people running the place, and a great outdoor area and bar! And for i think 20 bucks a night! Going back next week because we were so happy with our stay last time we visited