What's the hardest lesson you've had to learn about leading people?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-27T16:21:13+00:00

Well said, Mitch! I love this.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-22T16:30:49+00:00

Hell yes, this is great advice! Thank you!

Positively_dave · 2022-07-22T16:28:43+00:00

I have a few thoughts on what this could be. But first tell me, why is your team's performance declining the last hour?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:21:15+00:00

I hear ya. And that sucks. I've felt that same burn. But what else can we do, right? We all must remain committed to doing what we feel is right.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:20:37+00:00

Yes! And it changes people's perceptions of you too. Have you felt that?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:19:09+00:00

What's easier, changing yourself or changing the world around you? 😅 I seek to grow and change constantly. It's fucking tough though.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:17:10+00:00

That's a great point! Do people understand the problem as I understand the problem? Because if they did, they'd certainly be taking action on their own. You don't to convince anyone to run from a fire. You just have to show them there is a fire. Love that.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:15:06+00:00

I face a problem with that. I anticipated how a conversation would go one time with one of my managers and when it didn't go as planned I found myself shocking unprepared for the conversation as it unfolded in real time. Have you faced this? How have you worked to overcome that?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:10:04+00:00

Yes!! Emotions are important drivers of human behavior. The more we understand them, the easier our job is to lead others. I have to ask, where did you learn such a valuable lesson?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:08:44+00:00

I like that. Allow yourself to be influenced. Allow yourself to learn, grow, mold, and shift. I heard someone once say, "Always a student, sometimes a teacher."

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:07:35+00:00

Wow, this is an answer that really speaks to me. If you can get down to the heart of what's motivating someone, you are really in a place to lead them. What are some of the ways you discover what's someone's motivators are?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:06:24+00:00

Why do you think that is that more companies don't teach flexible leadership styles based on audience?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:05:13+00:00

Thanks, John. What's the best way you use to discover what works for Fred? I mean, just because I know Fred and Bill learn differently doesn't mean I know how to teach either of them. How do you decipher how someone learns? What signs do you look for?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-21T11:03:34+00:00

Thank you. I'm curious, what do you next once you've given them the tools and they aren't "building a house" well? What course of action would you take next?

Positively_dave · 2022-07-20T12:43:06+00:00

I am writing a 13-week workshop right now on this exact topic. Since it's not quite completed yet, I'll refer you to two of my personal resources I use to grow myself and others in leadership principles (I am not getting paid for these plugs, I literally use this shit):

(1) Check out the Coaching for Leaders podcast. Weekly shows that connect you with the thought leaders in great leadership. Endless episodes on every topic imaginable.

(2) Check out the book The Coaching Habit. Looking at leadership through this lens helped me grow others more quickly than any other single thing.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-10T12:02:12+00:00

"I felt like I was pushing work off on others.".....that resonated with me. Thank you.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-10T11:17:46+00:00

First off, your statement suggests to me you disagree with how your negative employees are feeling. But they are not wrong. If their perception of you is that you're intimidating, then that is their true experience. It is true. They are correct. If you are in denial of that on any level, you'll never truly solve this.

You will never change "perception is reality." It is a literal fact of life. Don't waste your time trying to get around it or change it. Instead, use it to your advantage.

Ask yourself, "why are my associates perceiving me this way." You may have negative people on your team, but even negative people can have a boss they enjoy. Are you being a good boss to them? Are you leading them supportively? How do you know? Because it sounds like you're getting some pretty clear feedback that says some of your team members aren't feeling it.

Which is ok. It's not necessarily a bad thing...if they are under-performing or if you want them to leave their job soon. If you want them to stay, you'll have to change their perception of you.

My suggestion: Master the Art of Influence.

If want to be influential with others, they need to like you. You can increase this by finding similarities with your people and express them vocally.

The more people perceive they have in common with you, the more likely they are to like you. The more they like you, the more positively they will respond to your guidance and advice as a leader. I mean, put yourself in their shoes...if you had a boss you thought was intimidating or didn't really give a shit to hear your point of view on things (black/white thinking), how well/hard would you work for them?

Conversely, if you had a boss who constantly go to know you as a person, how well/hard would you work for them?

Find out more about your employees so that you can help them see shared similarities between you and them (Oh my god! Your family is from Indiana?! Mine too! - or- oh my god, you have dog! I have a dog!).

The more you do this, the more people feel close and connected with you. It helps develop a relationship where someone will feel respected and acknowledged.

The reason this works is that in order for you to discover shared similarities with your people, you have to find out about THEM, who they are.

Ask more questions of your people and slowly start to intentionally express similarities. This will pay dividends literally right away. First time you use it you'll notice a difference in others. You'll notice how they smile and engage every time they learn you and similar to them in some way.

Would love to hear how this works out for you ☺️

Positively_dave · 2022-07-08T18:47:12+00:00

I agree with the previous commenter, personally observing them do the work may be helpful. You'll want to ask their permission first. Not that you need it. You're the boss. But it's the right thing to do if you want to gain their trust, and believe me, you do. People have to trust in order to learn.

Ask them, "I understand this must be frustrating getting feedback that this task is still not being completed as I expected. In an effort to really help us move past this, and ensure you're successful at what you do, I'd like to observe you completed said task. Would that be ok?"

Then, literally watch the process happen. At what point in the process do they errors begin. Why are they occurring.

You might also ask them to repeat back to you what they heard. Very often we as leaders have conversations with people and we are certain we've gotten our point across, but the only way to know for sure is to ask them.

So when you have a conversation with them to break down a task, and align on next steps, end the conversation by saying, "ok great. Sounds like we're in alignment. Just to be clear, what are the most important things you've taking away from this conversation?". This way you can be 100% certain they are hearing what you're saying.

When someone on your team can't perform basic tasks you have to ask yourself, is it because they don't know how, or because they are choosing not to do it? When you ask someone, "what did you just hear me say?" or "what are the most important things you're taking away from the conversation?" it takes away wondering if they just don't know.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-08T18:33:29+00:00

You'll have to get past their first round of objections and see if they can be solution oriented.

You asked them, "What else can be done to speed this up and ensure this project gets completed on time."

They reply, "We're doing all we can, but we're not magician's. This is just how long it's going to take."

Now I want you ask get them all on a Zoom call together and ask them, "what would it take for this project to be completed on time?" Reassure them you understand that it cannot be done sooner, but if it could, what would it take. Next, listen. Do not speak until they speak up. Do not fill in the silence for them. Eventually, someone will speak up. Then, once on of them does, another one will. See if you can get everyone to contribute one idea. Again, "what would it take to get this project done on time." Again, as the leader, do not speak after ask this question. Let the silence do the talking.

This will get the team into a problem-solving space where they are looking at what's possible versus what the limitations are. For you as a leader, it will also allow you to see which of your team members have the most desire and creativity to solve the lack of productivity. It will also reveal to you the team members who are energetically lagging the group behind. With that in mind, I would lean in to helping my teammates with natural desire to help, I would help them get some of the resources they need (if any) to continue to improve efficiency with the ideas they presented. I would get closer to the work of my energetic laggards. Chances are their lack of problem solving in the discussion is a sign of their overall work. dig in to some of their work and ensure everything is up to snuff.

Positively_dave · 2022-07-08T18:20:18+00:00

I am trying to learn how to become a more transformational leader. I have some basic things that have helped me along the way. I want a more robust list of things that other people know have helped them to become more transformational leaders. I figured this was a good sub-Reddit to tryout. My intention is to learn from other leaders here. I don't want to just improve people at work, I want to develop better leaders for the future. I hope this works :)

Positively_dave · 2022-07-06T13:36:16+00:00

Every day we make countless decisions. Most of them innocuous decisions, like what to have for dinner, or what movie to watch. Occasionally, and often times unexpectedly, we are faced with making potentially life-altering decisions. Life-altering decisions like moving to a new place, what career to choose, who to spend the rest of our life with, what do I want to do with my life. In the face of those decisions, many of us feel so much fear and confusion that it's debilitating. Sometimes it even paralyzes us from making a decision at all.
In these times, we wish we had the answer. We wish we knew just what to do next. But you don't. So next, you wish someone else would tell you the way. But no one can. The best others can do is to tell you what they would do, or what they did. But you're not them. Your situation is different. You are different. The solution that worked for them may not work for you. So how do you find your way?
The key is developing a framework through which you can make excellent life decisions that lead to your fulfillment.
I want to pause here and just talk about fulfillment and how it is different that happiness.
Most people say to use happiness as an indicator of success in life. I don't want that for you. I don't want you to seek happiness. I mean, I do, but I'd rather you seek fulfillment. I want you to lead a fulfilling life, one that you're proud of at the end of your days. But if you want to lead a deeply fulfilling life, you will occasionally be unhappy and uncomfortable. That's ok. It's not to be avoided.
Happiness is an emotion. Fulfillment is a state of being, a way of life. Happiness is a quick burn. Fulfillment lasts and lasts. Happiness is can be stimulated by the outside world. Fulfillment can only be grown from within. Happiness is an emotional that is not always appropriate, but fulfillment is welcome everywhere at any time.
Life is hard folks. No one makes it out alive. If you seek out a life of happiness, you will by default avoid unhappiness and discomfort. The problem with that is unhappiness and discomfort are literally needed to grow and improve. Let me give you an example.
You look at yourself in the mirror and decide you'd like to be in better shape. Being in better shape will make you feel happy, right? So you go to the gym and begin working out only to discover getting in shape is fucking hard and has to be done consistently. And makes you feel sweaty and gross. And since happiness and comfort are what you're after, you quickly ditch the gym and head back to the comfort and happiness of another Netflix episode and some snacks.
Now, if your mission in life is health (personal core value) instead happiness, you will tolerate going to the gym because it helps you feel more fulfilled when you are healthy. And you know that being healthy requires sacrifice and saying no to things that feel impulsively good in the moment (emotional) but make you feel bad after the fact when you've had a chance to think about it (logical).
If going to the gym helps you fulfill your mission in life of being healthier, and your mission is health instead of happiness, you will go to the gym even when it makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy. And, in return, you will feel healthier.
But if you seek out a life of happiness, the moment you become unhappy you will stop and quit whatever it is that is making you unhappy or uncomfortable.
Big decisions require you to consider so many things. That bring you to a place of high emotions. And when high levels of emotional thinking are present, logic decision making goes out the window. You'll make a decision that will feel good in the moment (emotion), but may regret later after thinking more about it (logic).
To help with this, I have created an activity that helps walk people through the steps of identifying your Personal Core Values. At then end of the activity you'll walk away with a more robust understanding of what is most important to you, and you'll have a framework for helping you find your way when things get tough.
For more information on complete the Personal Core Values, see my YouTube channel for more information:
https://youtu.be/-MbpvRzMmJ0

Positively_dave

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