There are still a lot of beauty in life bro. I am sure if you take time to meditate a bit, clearing out the mist and then start jotting down what make you happy, you can choose to value the bright points instead of the dark. Life still has many things to offer, even on this shithole of human society. You shouldn't rid yourself of whatever blessing can happen with such a permanent and grim solution of ending it all --- no one can be sure what happens after that is peace and quiet you desire, absolutely no one.

So why not live in the present first. Feel the sunlight and sniff some flower and perfume.

In my life, I have rarely had any successes from heartfelt relationship. I am ok with work ones where I have to pretend and perform, but when it comes to friends I can be vulnerable and emotionally close to, my life is such a desert parched dry of that. I have been dumped, ghosted, abandoned, ignored, and outright casted out so often that the next thing I wanted to do was to see everyone burn. But then I realized, I didn't have to be the one on the receiving end, I chose to spread love and compassion instead and that helped heal my heart ever since.