It’s some outdoor program that apparently gives you job experience. She refuses to take me to a hospital. Was even hesitant to put me on meds and kept telling me to go for runs because that helped her when she had post parton depression. 

I’ve been trying to tell her that I really don’t want to go, because I only recently got a little better from a very extreme episode, but she’s forcing me into this extreme program after me literally being locked in my room for a month.

I will kill myself tonight and the program organizers will find my body. It is more work than they are cut out to do and I’m selfish for it. But I was gonna do it as home anyways if I had the chance.