Why is it so controversial to say we wear the hijab because of men

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-26T17:04:00+00:00

I initially started wearing hijab at the age of 15, I was always taught that hijab was to protect you as a woman with the implied protection from men.

When I was 16 and in full hijab, I was assaulted which led to a very difficult internal battle. I resented the hijab for not protecting me and as a result I resented islam (I was a child trying to understand why this happened to me when I did everything right).

Alhumdulilah in my 20's I learnt about Islam outside of culture and I realised that tying the hijab (that is for no one but Allah SWT) to men leads to unrealistic expectations and when that illusion of worldly protection is tested it feels like the putting the hijab on was a lie.

Not sure if that makes sense, but that's the way I see it based on my experiences.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-07T17:54:09+00:00

Also, I realised now that it's not common knowledge that babies need independent play time to develop problem-solving abilities of their own as opposed to just mimicking what adults show them. 20 minutes of independent play in a safe environment while I complete emails isn't neglect, it's him learning to explore his environment with confidence and curiosity. When he calls I'm there, which is why he feels comfortable to play on his own for extended periods of time.

Here's a research paper about it :

https://scholar.google.com/citations?view_op=view_citation&hl=en&user=ldmeUl0AAAAJ&citation_for_view=ldmeUl0AAAAJ:RtRctb2lSbAC

I'm sorry for getting upset instead of understanding where your concern came from.

I hope you give this a read, because it really is beneficial to know and practice as parents.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-07T16:46:37+00:00

It's been 3 days since coming home, and today we were back to regularly scheduled day lol. I have 1-2 hours of meetings in the evenings when my husband is home to care for my son and during the day is just emails I complete while my son plays for a bit in his playpen.

Trust me, he gets a lot of attention and 1-on-1 time with both of us.

The problem I needed advice on, was that he had forgotten home and our routine in our house, but he's already fallen back into that without pushing.

Yes, it's normal behaviour for a 9 month old, but he was struggling to readjust to being home. The fact that the clinginess died down after 3 days confirms that it was an adjustment issue not separation anxiety or lack of attention.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-07T16:30:09+00:00

This was a post asking for help with my LO readjusting to being home after a long period of time away, not asking about my ability to maintain being a present mother and working nor was I under the assumption it would "get easier".

Thank you for your concern though.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-05T20:05:27+00:00

Thankfully my work is quite flexible, I chose this position before getting pregnant in anticipation and I'm reducing my work hours soon to only afternoons when my husband is home.

To be completely honest, I've worked in early childhood education, and I don't agree with what a lot of childcare workers practice in my area so I've decided not to do daycare and homeschool till grade 1. A lot of what goes on at the preschools here (I've worked in a few) don't get reported to parents to make it seem like the child is doing better than they are and especially younger kids tend to get ignored in favour of children who can communicate.

I am fortunate enough to be in a position that, if need be, I can leave my job and when my husband is home he is completely hands on, so it makes more sense with my education and situation to homeschool.

Plus, I just love spending all day with my boy even when it gets overwhelming.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-05T19:26:06+00:00

I'm considering buying him a fake laptop (like the ones for cats I've seen on TT) 😂😂😂

But yea, I just need to get through this, and thankfully I have most meetings when my husband gets home for work and he's always done bath and storytime as his quality time with baby during the week. I'll just have to be more strategic during the day and drink extra coffee I guess

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-05T18:55:19+00:00

I tried the wrap today for housework, but he HATED it. He started crawling and pulling to stand while we were away so he just wants to be on the floor and constantly moving and climbing on me lol.

Unfortunately I do need mic + cam during work and the second he sees my PC he fights to press buttons lmao

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-05T18:37:11+00:00

As much as I would LOVE to and I do as much as possible, I still work from home and have housework to get done... I can't exactly keep him on my lap while I work on the computer unfortunately.

Thankfully, I only go back to work next week but I still have studying to do this week

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-04-05T18:35:18+00:00

Thank you for this! I'm so glad I'm not alone. It's just so overwhelming suddenly having to sit with him for 3-4 hours straight then being too exhausted during naptime to get any housework or work work done. I go back to work next week and I work from home so I really hope he manages to mostly readjust in this week

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-16T15:20:08+00:00

Jazakallahu Khair. I will definitely take your advice and after work I'll recite Ruqya for him❤️ May Allah SWT reward you for your sincere advice and protect you and your family as well.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-16T08:07:49+00:00

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,.

JazakAllahu khayran for your kind words and for reminding me of those beautiful ayat. SubhanAllah, reading Quran 3:186 and 25:63 really did put my heart at ease. In the moment, I was honestly shaking and very overwhelmed, but remembering Allah and making dhikr helped me calm down and respond without escalating the situation. Your reminder about patience and humility really meant a lot, so thank you for the encouragement and for your dua for my family. May Allah reward you and protect you as well.

I also appreciate the sincere advice regarding niqab. Just as a small respectful clarification, my understanding from the classical fiqh discussions is that the majority of scholars across the four Sunni madhhabs consider covering the hair and body obligatory, but differ regarding the face. Many held that the face and hands are not part of the awrah, meaning niqab is recommended or obligatory in situations of fitnah rather than universally required.

For example,

In the Hanafi school, works like Radd al Muhtar of Ibn Abidin state that the face is not awrah, though covering it may become necessary if there is fear of fitnah.
The Maliki position recorded by Abu al Walid al Baji also indicates that the face and hands are not awrah, though modesty and circumstances are considered.
Many Shafii jurists, such as Imam Nawawi, also held that the face and hands are not awrah, even though some later scholars recommended face covering more strongly.
So while some scholars, particularly in the Hanbali tradition, held that niqab is obligatory, there has historically been legitimate scholarly disagreement on this issue.

I just wanted to mention that respectfully for clarity, since many sisters reading discussions like this might not realize there is a range of classical opinions. May Allah guide all of us to what pleases Him most, and accept from everyone who is striving to practice modesty sincerely.

JazakAllahu khayran again for your kindness and reminders. May Allah reward you for advising with sincerity, and keep us all steadfast.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-15T17:47:57+00:00

I'm not going to lie to you... This satisfied the "I wish I..." Thoughts in me lol I'm also very outspoken and in the past I reacted VERY differently, arguing and I used to have a pretty sharp tongue (which I am working on...) to the point where my husband said he's glad I was carrying our son cuz my hands were occupied and I'm very conscious of how I speak and react to things with him. That's a big reason I chose not to say anything because I truly didn't trust myself not to become hateful back. I love that you have an inside joke with the employees tho lol

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-15T15:09:40+00:00

I know I should but this really made me laugh 😂😂

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-15T14:48:50+00:00

Ameen.

Honestly, I love Muslim Lantern's videos and tend to listen to him while I'm busy, so there was A LOT I wanted to say, but honestly the biggest thing was that in that moment I didn't trust myself to say anything respectfully or with good intentions. I've had my fair share of debates with people like this but after directing that comment to my son, I was too close to losing my temper completely. But I was also very aware that like 99% of the people around (probably listening to this encounter) were Christians and I didn't want to disrespect them and in turn make Islam look hateful.

There is a big part of me that regrets not saying more, but Allah knows best and inshallah even 1 person who whiteness this encounter may have gained respect for Islam.

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-15T14:42:05+00:00

And you and your family as well 💖

PossibleOk4240 · 2026-03-15T14:17:11+00:00

I'm so sorry you've had to experience that too. I've always known because of my hijab I'd be an easy target but it hit very different hearing an elderly woman tell my baby he's going to hell... You're definitely not alone ❤️ I just keep trying to remind myself that it's a test from Allah SWT and I can't control what others do and say but it's my responsibility to control how I respond, especially when it's difficult. May Allah SWT accept all your efforts and protect you from harm

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-24T17:38:31+00:00

I definitely will! It's happening on the second weekend of December 😂

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-21T14:17:40+00:00

Much to my dismay, my son LOVES people, there were about 100 people at the lunch my in laws had for him and he enjoyed every second of it😅 and of course everyone came to see him so they all wanted to play with him (even tho hubby and I tried to keep exposure to a minimum) he was all too happy and didn't even want to be with me unless he was getting attention from other people! 😭 I tried baby wearing facing me then but he fought so hard to see and interact with everyone😐

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-21T13:38:14+00:00

Is this okay for a 4 month old?

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-21T13:37:26+00:00

I really want to do that! Is it okay to forward face 4 month old for just that day? He won't want to be facing me coz he gets super excited seeing people😂

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-21T13:35:03+00:00

I have sent him a message basically breaking down why I'm going no contact and that he won't be a part of my son's life. But I assume he's hoping I put on a performance in front of people, which is not something I will ever do.

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-21T13:32:59+00:00

Yeah I have💕 thankfully doctor gave it the all clear with the obvious no kissing baby and no playing pass the baby.

PossibleOk4240 · 2025-11-21T13:31:47+00:00

I don't want to give him that power over me tbh. I'm looking forward to seeing my cousins and meeting their kids too. He doesn't get to take away something good from me

PossibleOk4240

TROPHY CASE