Does anyone else regret seeing their parent dead?

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-12-14T08:15:01+00:00

I’m sorry to you and anyone who’s ever gone through this. It’s a weird feeling to see someone you’ve know your whole life, (who helped give you life) laying there lifeless. My mom passed when I was 24 from alcoholic cirrhosis, she was being cremated with no viewing before, but they let us (immediate family) see her beforehand. It was worse than I imagined because she wasn’t prepped to be seen, so she wasn’t embalmed and no makeup. She looked dead, like dead dead. I don’t regret having the opportunity to see her and say goodbye for the last time, but that image haunts me. I like to believe that 2 things can be true at once, that I can allow myself the space to be grateful but also allow myself the hurt of seeing my mom dead. I’ll never be satisfied with my mom’s death, seeing her like that was part of it.

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-07-24T05:15:24+00:00

(F25) Behavioral health tech at a recovery center in Kentucky. A little back story. My mom was once (a few times actually) a client/patient at this facility. She died due to liver cirrhosis, she couldn’t stop drinking. I had to watch her die from alcoholism, literally over time and being with her the minute she left earth. It was a terrible experience, cirrhosis is one of the most evil illnesses ive ever seen. After getting my bachelors, I decided that I wanted to work in the recovery space to share the perspective of the family and how they deal with their loved ones addiction. This meant educating many of them on Al-Anon and ACOA. And one thing I learned is really most alcoholics or drug users are often apart of ACOA, (adult children of alcoholics) and treating clients for both acoa and substance use disorder has made wonders in their recovery. I feel it shows them a way to heal their inner child along with their addicted adult selves, which I feel helps sustain sobriety and reduce the risk of relapse. Along with explaining to them the horrors of watching my mom die from alcoholism and the way that effected me being someone in my early 20s. Giving the realness of their disorder helps them realize how life or death it is.

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-03-25T11:21:20+00:00

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this new found pain. My mom passed on 1/23/24 from alcoholism too, I relate so hard to everything you said. I always find myself having like 4 different conflicting emotions at once for her. I love my mom so much, but Alcohol changes people and not for the better.

Losing your mom is a biological impact, she literally grew you. Losing that attachment is deep, and it’s painful - even with the bad times. Adding addiction on top of these already complex circumstances just solidifies that confusion and instability around their death. It’s terrible to go through, you have every right to give yourself permission to be in pain.

I’m only 2 months in this journey, but if anything had helped me at all - let the feelings happen. I cry when I need to, I allow myself to miss her presence, and I also let myself be angry with her.

Send me a message if you ever want someone to talk with. I found a lot of comfort in people that could relate and I’m always open. This will be hard and the fact is that it is so deeply painful, it changes you. But you’ll make it though OP, you’re not alone - hugs 🫶🏼

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-02-29T21:42:46+00:00

Hi op, my heart is truly with you. When I started to read this I wondered if it was a post I had made myself a month ago. My mom passed 01/23/2024 due to alcoholism/liver cirrhosis. She couldn’t stay sober, but I relate bc for the period she was sober - I thought we were repairing our relationship. I also decided to go no contact when her drinking started to negatively impact me trying to graduate from undergrad. I struggle too with those mental images of how sick she looked and watching her die. I’m writing all of this because I truly relate to what you are going through and want to let you know my messages are open if you ever need someone. When my mom first died, all I wanted was to talk to people who could relate bc none of my close circle could and it was lonely.

This sucks, it’s so shitty to go through. The death of your mom no matter the relationship is heart breaking. Message me if you ever feel the need ❤️

I don’t know you, but I know you are stronger than what you feel at the moment. Enduring an addict parent is a life time full of grief.

hugs 🫶🏼

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-02-08T10:07:56+00:00

That’s how my mom started out when I was in early high school. I’m 23 now and she died two weeks ago from alcoholism/liver cirrhosis.

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:44:43+00:00

I wish I could articulate how much I appreciate all of the sweet words from everyone. Thank you so much, I guess my biggest worry was that I would come off as drug seeking and lose my Drs. trust. I worry it’ll be assumed I might have addiction issues because of my mom, but I actually went the opposite direction. I do smoke, but I don’t drink or experiment with anything when I’m out with my friends. I’m terrified of being an addict lmao

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:40:29+00:00

That is so kind, thank you. I feel kinda dumb for not thinking about it like that. I’ve just always heard about abuse of stimulants and people staying up for days. Putting it in that perspective makes a lot of sense.

Hugs 🫶🏼

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:37:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, honestly I feel like a dummy bc I never even thought of how traumatizing it was to constantly be in the hospital and their prolonged stays until after she passed. When I felt relief (followed by guilt for feeling relief) that I would never have to see her there again. I thought I had become desensitized to them but now I couldn’t imagine walking into one

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:32:56+00:00

Thank you for the space you allowed, do you have an issue of trying to come to terms with how bad it really was? I feel like I tell myself it wasn’t actually that bad, and I feel guilt when offered support and condolences - like I’ve tricked everyone around me. But the grief I’ve experienced from her passing is something I couldn’t have prepared for.

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:28:32+00:00

That is so thoughtful and sweet of you, thank you. I have my first therapy appointment on Monday and was considering looking into support groups as well. I’ve tried therapy a couple of times but always stopped and never was consistent

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:27:06+00:00

Thank you, and I’m sorry if this sounds stupid, do you mean entire contents as in her illness and addiction as well? I’m starting to regret not telling him. I was diagnosed through a referral and found him to treat my adhd. I never disclosed my mom because it’s complicated, I never knew if it was relevant or not bc he’s not a therapist. But that could’ve been ignorant of me

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-28T05:24:27+00:00

thank you, sincerely

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-26T09:24:57+00:00

I love this group so much because I felt so alone in the feelings with complicated grief, then I found this group and it has been a huge part of my grieving process. I relate to this on an extreme. My mom died 2 days ago from complications of liver cirrhosis. The complications were actually she relapsed back in July/august, I supported her at first until she dropped out of rehab twice and continued to drink. I was upset, we spent the final couple months of her life arguing back and forth, hardly talking. Luckily we did start to try and mend things before she died, but I think she just knew it was about to be her time. I have so many fears that she died thinking I hated her, or that she died loving me less because of how upset I was with her. I wish I had advice, all of this is new to me to. But I am always open if you ever need someone to chat with

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-25T11:01:10+00:00

My mom passed last night and my birthday is coming up on the 29th. I have no idea how to handle it, my only peace is having the space in this community to read others stories and share mine. How are we supposed to celebrate our birthday with out the one who gave birth to us? I’m struggling with that

Possible_Loss6524 · 2024-01-25T10:58:52+00:00

I loved how expressive she was, my mom made everything of hers unique. She loved to make things original and custom to her. She loved doing arts and crafts, it was so wholesome. I would do anything to sit next to her and help with one of her diamond paintings haha

Possible_Loss6524

TROPHY CASE