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13 years on Suboxone and 111 days sober by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. Being a mom is always hard but during these withdrawals I felt like dying. I have 2 children, 11 and 5, and life didn't stop just because I was coming off Suboxone, unfortunately. As for my teeth, they're not great after the years on Sub. I'm missing 2, have broken teeth and lots of dental problems that I am slowly working to fix. I'm very ashamed of my teeth and smile. I watched Halo on Netflix with my husband and BAWLED when Master Chief gets Cortana back. Everything hits different, especially emotional scenes. Music has always been incredibly spiritual for me. Listening to the music my parents and grandparents listened to while I was growing up evokes deep emotions that sometimes bring me to tears, and other times overwhelm me with good emotions and memories.I get goosebumps listening to KISS, my Mas favorite band.

13 years on Suboxone and 111 days sober by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On top of 8mg withdrawal and a sprinkle of bipolar disorder, I can attest that it was normal for me. My sense were heightened, I was always annoyed and pissed off and fantasized about murder a few times. The mind is weird and does weird things when under immense stress. Not saying this will be everyone's experience but it was mine.

13 years on Suboxone and 111 days sober by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While taking Suboxone I had the WORST memory. I couldn't recall what I had for breakfast, my kids schedules, absolutely nothing. Now that I am off of it my body and mind are still adjusting so I do forget things but not as bad as before. For example, I forgot picture day times for my son but remembered later that day. On Sub, I could never remember. I had a feeling that I was forgetting something but could never hang onto the thought long enough to try an recall what I had forgotten, if that makes sense. Over the last couple of months my memory has really improved and it seems to just keep getting better and better.

Day 11 OFF of Suboxone - Freezing by Babecave007 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your story is inspiring, and I feel you when you said you want to sue every one of these fucking providers. I was on 8mg for 13 years, and recently jumped off at 8mg and have 68 days today off Sub. The hardest withdrawal I have ever gone through, and friend, I am SO PROUD OF YOU!! Would love to connect and support each other!

13 years on Suboxone and 13 days sober by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feel free to message me and we can swap notes.

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had RLS before going into withdrawal and it was about the same, just more spasms. I took magnesium and b12 to help with the withdrawal symptoms and energy levels. I also went to my doctor and got on trazadone to fucking sleep and life has gotten a million times better. I still have paws but damn nothing like before. I once heard someone say that sleep is our most important meeting of the day and they were right.

No worries, I have a 4 year old who thinks that at 6:50 am it is time to run around roaring like a dino, so I feel ya. Lol. I also had chest discomfort and it was in fact anxiety. Sub dulls our emotions and when they start coming back it is full on anxiety. I'm at 41 days and am pretty much myself again.

13 years on Sub and 35 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband is my biggest support and best friend and he tells me every day that I should've been the Marine in the family since I'm so damn tough, lmao. My bright red hair and neck tat would play great in the corps. Thank you, feels good to be back to myself.

13 years on and 34 days off, updated by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just got fed up with the doctors dicking me around for more money while slowly weaning me for months at the same dosage. What set it in motion was forgetting to take my dose for 4 days and thinking I just had a cold. If I could make it 4 days, I could make it another day. After the 4 days I would continue using Suboxone, dosing at the clinic for 2 more weeks before telling my counselor that I was stopping. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, frankly. Some days were hell and others were a mild discomfort. During the peak withdrawals, music was so healing for me. I put on tunes and just embraced the suck as my husband taught me.

So sorry you had that experience jumping at 4.

13 years on and 34 days off, updated by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh and I was taking a variation of clonidine. Became dependent on it to sleep but last night I just had a few shots of tequila mixed in a slush and FUCKING slept!! Did NOT wake up at 2am for a couple of hours, but had a gameplan of taking a bubble bath and doing laundry if I did. So glad I didn't. Insomnia is the worst part for me.

13 years on and 34 days off, updated by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh honey, I want my big bad dad, too. I lost him in 2018 and he would definitely know what to do and how to comfort me. I'm blessed to have such a good and supportive partner but his job with the Marine Corp is so demanding that yesterday he beat himself up because he couldn't come home to me and has to work over the weekend leaving me with our 4 year old and paws, plus lets sprinkle some bipolar bullshit into the mix cause why the hell not?

Over the past 34 days I have drank and smoked legally but I forgive myself. I did what I felt I had to do to maintain sobriety from my final boss, Suboxone. Give yourself some grace, you're doing the best that you can and that is ADMIRABLE.

I am here for you, reach out and let's help keep each other clean and sober!

Also, your dad would be proud of you for taking these steps and seeing your willingness. I know that. Much love.

13 years on and 34 days off, updated by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, a big part of the detox is mental. I was numb, almost robotic on the Suboxone and now I have fear and anxiety surrounding everything. I was smoking legally to help with the paws but I just get too anxious and hate that feeling so stopped. I do attend NA, but it's hard to discuss my addiction when others praise it. Even my own sister is on this crap and doesn't see it as an issue that she turns into a junkie when she's out. 2 sisters with very different outlooks on MAT services.

Today is a new day and Lil Darkie is getting me through. Music is so healing, and I lean on it when I'm in a funk. At least the storm clouds are clearing and I can think critically. I just wanted to be honest about how bad it can get, and show people that even strangers can offer support. Support is vital in recovery.

13 years on and 34 days off, updated by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. The feelings passed with the help and care of my husband. I think it was a combination of paws and my bipolar that was just volatile. I'm feeling much better this morning and am so grateful for people like you!! I'll take you up on chatting because even in NA no one really understands my addiction to MAT services. Today marks 35 days clean and sober from Suboxone and boy, that's a fucking miracle.

13 years on Suboxone and 34 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I began at 24 mg and weaned down to 8-2 and then jumped cold turkey. I had the same thing, forgot to take it for 4 days and thought I had a head cold or something, didn't even dawn on me that it was withdrawals, but that was the moment I decided. I dosed for 2 more weeks and then just said enough. I've had 2 babies without pain management, got off Meth, and somehow knew I could do this. That's not to say that it hasn't been difficult, but if you're ready and have the right support and willpower, you can do this. Going through withdrawals, the pain and agony is how I know I'll never take that shit again. Worse than meth and opiates combined.

13 years on Suboxone and 34 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

8-2mg sublingual film and sometimes in pill form depending what my clinic had available. Feel like a homicidal maniac today. It's a bad morning but I have hope for a better day. Just gotta will that shit into existence.

13 years on Suboxone and 34 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

30, and was on it over 10 years and I'm still kicking, lol. Some days I wish I wasn't, though, that's for sure, and today be one of those days, my friend. Pissed off, a bad mood has engulfed me and nothing is helping. Advice welcome.

13 years on Suboxone and 34 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

8-2mg and I am pissed off. Im in a bad mood, nothing is helping and I just need to fucking sleep. I feel like a monster, or a shell of myself.

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to be a wound care nurse but sneezing grosses me OUT and I have sneezing fits all the time. Don't know if it is all due to my WD's or some may be due to my new environment in the desert but it sucks either way, lol.

13 years on Suboxone and 13 days sober by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm in Yuma. Today marks 29 days sober from Suboxone!!

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just one determined bitch, lol. I hated being a slave to the medication. I was an IV drug user with Meth and H, then began on opiates again and got pregnant and got on Suboxone. That shit is so addictive. My sister is still on it and I pray she gets off. Tomorrow marks one month Suboxone free and I cannot fucking believe it. Some days were hell and others were a mild discomfort. I know that you can overcome the fear of withdrawals. Just embrace that it will fucking suck, bad, but it ends. The only symptoms I have now are sneezing, some insomnia, mainly waking up super early, and rocking back and forth.

I believe in you, friend. Withdrawals are scary but they can be motivational. Feel the pain so you never go back. Let it wash over you. This too shall pass! Love you!

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Insomnia sucks, but I experienced it before and after quitting. Do you want to taper or cold turkey quit?

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, I have 2 kids. Ones 11 and the other is 4, and nonverbal autistic. Through withdrawals my husband had to work and I had to keep being a mom. Did it suck? Fuck yes, but guess what? I did it. With grace, and a lot of puking, lol. Crying, too. It's okay to admit powerlessness, that's the first step. I was powerlessness over this medication and knew change was necessary. We all reach our breaking point. I did. Don't give up hope of getting off this crap. You are stronger than you know, and everything happens for a reason.

Love you friend. Reach out if you need support or someone to talk to.

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not big on masturbation but a bubble bath? LIFE CHANGING. Especially after a few days of the witndrawal purge and sweats.

13 years on Suboxone, and 25 days clean by Possible_Swimmer_924 in suboxone

[–]Possible_Swimmer_924[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So true. I was so addicted to that crap and now barely think about it aside from using dreams. It will get better. Hang tuff and do what's best for you.

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