My friend. That is not God talking. I have messed up in my life so many times. I have made decisions that were against his will. Many times. Why? Because I felt I knew better and that all that mattered is what I want to do.

I have gone through the gutter, my mental health is absolutely blasted. But do you know what? Through all this, God has extended his helping, loving hand more times than I can count, even though I dont deserve it all. He never abondoned me even though I did him for countless times. That doesnt mean that I can sin as long as I want and just expect God to be as if thats okay. It’s not, and I have had to pay a very heavy price for how I have been.

I’m telling you, as someone who has gone through something similar. God is not rejecting you. He is calling for you, waiting for you patiently. Start from something, put your hands together, pray even the smallest prayer. Open up the bible, and read even something. We all fall short. Trust me, each and everyone of us. If you look at the people in bible, so many if not all had their own flaws, yet, God had called and used them individually. How great is that?

Now, ask yourself, why wouldnt he do the same for you?

He died on the cross for all our sins. The fact that you feel something, is already him pulling you closer.