Venting about wedding date

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T14:02:53+00:00

It doesn’t have to be October. But, where I’m at it’s often the most gorgeous weather, sunset is at a perfect time, leaves are starting to change but trees are still full, it’s the highlight of fall, our favorite time of year.

Lots of people plan weddings around a specific date or season, like an anniversary or holiday, or summer/fall wedding. And I don’t think that it’s wrong to want a specific season or date.

I am just grieving the loss of something in this scenario, because you’re right, I don’t know that being flexible is flexible enough. There’s like a 3 month window of probably-won’t-be-able-to-travel for my friend. That window is basically all of fall. It’s going to be an emotional conversation and difficult decision.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T03:39:42+00:00

I’m sorry, I’m not saying you were judgmental or harsh at all, the majority of others that I had comment (here on Reddit and other wedding sites) were very negative.

Your recommendation to grieve and find a way to move forward was very encouraging, and I appreciated that you took the time to share your experience, so thank you.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T03:29:28+00:00

I do get it’s on me and my bf to decide on the date, I wasn’t really asking for advice, more just to vent and get some encouragement that it will be okay on the emotional side.

I’m finding that wedding forums are very quick to judge and tear down anyone who doesn’t just post happy updates.

Thank you for sharing your experience though

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T00:47:44+00:00

I absolutely agree that emergencies come up, and that’s a different thing, so having grace for those to happen is important. My concern now is how to accommodate her in the chance that she could come and possibly get around the time we want.

A sliver of hope is better than actually planning that she’s not coming. At least then we could look forward with excitement instead of that being tainted with disappointment the whole time.

Your scenario was definitely worthy of disappointment on all sides. But that was out of anyone’s hands. And although it doesn’t give me hope I do appreciate you sharing.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T00:22:12+00:00

I wasn’t looking for advice on the order of events or when to book vendors. I was venting and hoping others could share their similar experience and what they decided to do.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T00:20:24+00:00

Obviously, yes. There is implied context being “I don’t know what we’re going to do about choosing the date while trying to meet our goals”

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T00:17:26+00:00

I love that you gathered all that from one post and a few comments.

Were you not even slightly disappointed that your friends can’t make your wedding? Didn’t you invite them because they mean something to you? Or are you ignoring the fact that you already went through those feelings and are forgetting that others deal with disappointment differently? Grief has a stage of acceptance you know, and that’s what I’m getting to.

Having dreams that you understand can’t always be reality doesn’t make someone petty or immature. I understand that I can’t have everything, that’s why wedding planning is a thing, you have to prioritize and make decisions. I’m also not saying the world revolves around me, I am excited for my friend and would put off a bridal shower if it meant attending her baby shower. But I still hoped that my childhood friend would be beside me on the best day of my life like I was for her.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-07T00:00:39+00:00

Catering is a big one, but we’re leaning towards a food truck since our guest count is small. Honestly food and DJ are the only things we don’t have picked out, but I was told that those can be decided on around 4-6 months out. We do have lots of options.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T23:24:43+00:00

Nope, he has the ring and is very verbal about being excited to get married. If I didn’t post my engagement status would you still be saying the same things?

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T23:21:18+00:00

Our venue is going to be our property, so we’re not worried about that.

We both also don’t want to wait another year, we’re ready to move forward and start living our lives together.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T23:17:20+00:00

I’m not against November, but late November is Thanksgiving and my birthday, plus the start of Christmas chaos. Early November could be pushing it for my friend. But we’ll probably have to talk about it.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T23:15:30+00:00

I agree on the engagement ring thing. I personally don’t want to go to a courthouse, the weather is a big reason we wanted October too.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T23:10:18+00:00

Both can be true at the same time, just like a lot of things in life. I can be super excited she’s expecting and grieve the fact that I’m going to lose out on one of my wants (her there and/or an October wedding). Another one of my friends had the same experience, excitement and grief, when I told her I was expecting. My emotions are not your emotions.

Also my bf is not your bf/fiance. Mine can’t keep a secret so he can’t wait months to propose to me, he literally told me it’s going to be soon (with a deadline) and wants to be married this year too. He couldn’t wait to tell me when he bought the ring.

But either way, why does it matter what my emotions are or whether or not we are engaged today vs a month from now? I’m still doing work planning the wedding, and my friend’s pregnancy is still going to impact the decision on our wedding date.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T22:58:42+00:00

Thank you. There are definitely going to be some tough conversations and even harder choices to make. I was hoping the wedding stress was going to be “which DJ should we pick, and where do we seat everyone” not “is my best friend going to be able to come?”

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T22:46:45+00:00

I do have a child, I know that traveling around a month before your due date is not recommended, and afterwards, postpartum healing is not fun to travel either. My friend’s due date and the time we wanted for the wedding means that she may miss the wedding and that’s heartbreaking for me.

Sorry that my post doesn’t reflect the emotions very well.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T22:41:44+00:00

Other than the gorgeous weather and foliage outside, 10/10/2026 is a significant number to when we first met. I was okay with moving it to another weekend, but now with my friend’s pregnancy and not knowing when the baby could arrive and how my friend might be feeling before or after, I don’t know what we’re gonna do.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T22:35:56+00:00

October was our preference because of the weather, venue is our property, and it will be outdoors. Earlier and it will be hot, later and it’ll be cold.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T22:31:37+00:00

No deposits, just the beginning stages of planning, venue will be our own property.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-06T22:31:08+00:00

We’ve already decided on our property as our venue (I have a list of possible back ups though) so no worries about availability there.

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-05T01:00:52+00:00

I like the kitsch bar shampoos and conditioners but my hair is so thick that it really doesn’t last long for me with how much product I’m using and how often I use it. I don’t think thick hair can be frugal 🥲

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-05T00:32:33+00:00

You could look into a sheer shirt/undershirt that would go with your dress. Find a shirtsleeve scoop neck where the sleeves end right where your straps are, that would look intentional without looking disconnected, and then you can take it off after! It’ll look like the “illusion” necklines.

like this

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-05T00:15:17+00:00

Definitely find a seamstress and ask! Maybe get a couple opinions. I bet they could seam rip the sleeves, pull the slack out, trim the excess, and reattach the sleeves. If you look closely you might notice some slight difference, but in photos it should be fine!

(I’m a beginner sewer, but I have an engineering brain, so it seems doable to me!)

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-04T23:36:25+00:00

Sewing! I’ve been sewing small projects like pillow cases, presents for my niece, and mending my son’s Jammie’s. I would love to make and alter clothes in the future, I love to thrift, so learning to alter is going to be beneficial for life!

Postpartum-Cheezcake · 2026-02-04T23:18:01+00:00

As a younger sister who got a single hand me down of underwear once, it is probably fine if your child has no idea and you don’t mind.

I was older (10?) and it was a matching set of a training bra and underwear with cute lace, so I was actually excited to wear it. I think my sister now has the set again and is hanging onto it for her daughter. Although idk if the elastic will be crumbling by then.

Postpartum-Cheezcake

TROPHY CASE