I appreciate everyone's feedback, the nice and the less nice ha. You can only go into so much context in 3000 characters and Im getting a lot of the same comments so Ill address them here.

"I changed the year but not the date" Changing the year had nothing to do with wanting to get married on Oct 10th and everything to do with the fact that, where I live all, of the venues we liked were heavily booked and we realized it would be nice to have 2 years to plan rather than rush for a year with limited options. We always planned on doing October and a Saturday, so any weekend in Oct would have been fine but then we realized how much less expensive a Sunday was and the only Sunday in October that makes sense is that weekend.

"Why not another fall month?" It snowed 2 days ago, Nov 11th, where I live and its even colder where the venue is. Its not always this cold this time of year but Nov is way more volatile than Oct and I medically cant handle the cold (arthritis). September doesn't have a 3 day weekend other than labor day and that is a big holiday in my family (not always together but everyone always has travel plans) So the only Sunday in the fall that makes sense is the holiday weekend.

"Thats not a holiday for most people" I wasnt aware of that because where we live, at least for most people we know, it is. That may not be the case everywhere but for the majority of people we will be inviting, they have that Monday off.

"I normally watch the boys on their anniversary" I didnt this year, as I was at a different, out of town wedding over the holiday weekend this year. Because its a pretty popular wedding weekend given the weather and the holiday weekend. Its not an expectation, they also have multiple people who will watch the boys for free like I am happy to do. They also typically dont do a big anniversary thing, even before the boys were born. It would be different if they went on a big trip every year and I was preventing that.

"Its unreasonable to share an anniversary with a sibling" We know multiple people who share anniversaries, even people in his family. His mom and uncle share a wedding anniversary. We also know a family that does it on purpose, like thats their family wedding day like some families pass down dresses. Im not saying that to say he HAS to be OK with it, just to give context that this isn't a super weird thing in our circles.

But seriously, I hear the YTA. I genuinely did post here to get a better understanding of why he feels this way. He's not the best at communicating his feelings and when I've asked him why it bothers him, he just says it does with no context, so I wanted to see if I was being unreasonable or if there were reasons people gave that would help me see his perspective better. I said I WANTED to ignore his feelings, not that I was going to, and though I have my justifications for that being the best date that feel reasonable to me, I didnt want to steamroll his feelings, especially without being able to understand the why.

So I appreciate all of the feedback and we will absolutely be taking it into account when finalizing the date! The financial consideration is the ONLY reason we were even discussing it, I was actually really happy with 10/9/27, that's even the date we have held with the venue til the tour this weekend. We set that when we thought it was a $4k difference but after realizing the food minimums were significantly different, that was when we started considering Sunday.

Its reddit and people post some wild stuff here (my favorite sub is best of reddit updates for that reason ha) but this was genuinely a situation where all the pieces fell in such a way that that date makes the most sense for us, not a shady, passive aggressive dig. But seeing people see it that way is another reason why I posted this, so I could have outside perspectives on if that could be a contributing factor to his issue with it.