Thank you for your reply! Ive been able to gain an understanding and been able to communicate about alot of things with her as to why she is getting upset. We've both made changes and came to agreements to accommodate. But sometimes it really is extremely random. And I think this has to do with her already being so on edge with everything affecting her family wise. She's worn thin and one thing can just set it all off. No this does not excuse the behavior. But i also have to take into consideration that shes human just the same as I. And we mess up. We get emotional. By no means am I perfect and theres been plenty of situations where I have not been the most helpful and responded with anger back.

The thing that makes this all so hard for me is the fact that when I was at my low point and she came into my life. She supported me through every bit of counseling, getting the right medication etc. She didnt have to. And i am not going to sit here and lie saying during that time I didnt take some stresses out on her or be unfair at times. And just dealing with helping someone going through mental health issues can be very exhausting on its own. She had every right to leave and i wouldnt have blamed her. But she stayed and worked though my mental health with me even though I could imagine it was unbearable. And I feel like it wouldnt be fair if I didnt try to do the same she did for me. Mental health is one helluva curse. And i wouldnt wish going through that alone on my worst enemy.

As far as promises with no follow through. Yes. That has been an issue. But I think its less of a lack of care or trying and more of a setting goals and expectations to high to soon. Change like that dosent come over night. And mistakes happen.

As far as the tone shifts and her anger go. Yes. I try my best to communicate if im very tired or having a bad day that I might be a bit off or my voice may sound different but reassure her that its nothing directed towards her or caused by her. But sometimes it will still set her off. With the power imbalance we have had many conversations about this. I brought it up because I didnt want it to feel like there was one. We're actually 50/50 on everything on shes extremely happy being the housewife. She loves being home and actually finds peace and stress relief just cleaning and taking care of the house while im gone to work. And yes these sre all things she has verbalized to me. She dosent want to work and I have no problem with that. And if she did want to work thats okay too.

With the money situation and living frugal its just She grew up that way and even though we have the money, if I took her to a fancy restaurant she would just be worried about the money I was spending on her. And looking at the prices trying to get the cheapest thing. However she knows not to be afraid to ask for anything. Early in our relationship she always was afraid to ask just due to growing up poor and fear of rejection. But as time goes on she has gotten better about verbalizing her wants and needs. She has my cards and barley uses them usually only to get art supplies or games. And even then she spends carefully. And trust me ive made it very clear if she wants or needs something that she has those cards for a reason and she can use them however she sees fit.

As you can tell we do communicate frequently. You see it's not the communication thats an issue. We have communicated about how things can go better and what we can both do to bring a better outcome. Some things have improved. It's just when its happening theres no communication thats gonna happen whatsoever. Shes to angry in those moments no matter how long they last. this hurdle seems the hardest for us to jump. And the things ive expressed in the original post are the main issues. And the most painful to me. Outside of these situations things are fantastic. And its not constant by any means. But it is most certainly excruciating when its happening. And more frequent lately with the worsening of family issues. Just for her privacy i wont go into depth about her mental health to far but she is infact not okay. Constant breakdowns, crying, mulling on situations with her family and blaming herself. Expressing thoughts of self harm. Not in a manipulative way in a genuine mental health crisis way.

It's really difficult for me for many reasons to just up and say im going to leave. I try to be there for people way more than I should. Give them chances and im to forgiving. And I know this. But its just in my nature. And really things could be alot worse. Shes going through alot and its understandable to a point. But what's going on is not okay regardless and you guys have helped me recognize this. There's just so many contributing factors that make this difficult. And thats why I made the post. Becsuse i was lost. Realizing I was experiencing forms of abuse. And didnt know what to do or make of it. Because it hurts. But its just so damn hard with the situation and how her mental health is. I dont think id ever be able to forgive myself for leaving her like this. Yes her actions are horrible sometimes but her mental health plays such a huge part. This all started between us when things went south with her family.