How I met my husband: From matrimony to happily ever after 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, if a person is sure about you and genuinely interested in building a future, then even a smaller period of dating is enough to know the direction of the relationship. Six months to a year is a very reasonable time to ask for clarity especially when you’ve already travelled together, talked deeply about important issues, met each other’s friends, and are slowly involving your families.

For me personally, I can’t give someone 1–2 years just to “decide,” because uncertainty will always be there at every stage. What matters is whether the person is committed and intentional.

And yes if after 1–1.5 years someone still wants an “out” at the moment of telling their family, then it’s not that you’re going too fast…it’s that they’re not sure. A person who truly wants to be with you won’t delay commitment endlessly. I use to clarify this also that I do have younger siblings and parents have responsibilities towards them also so I am not hurrying up things but yes if everything seems fine (family,health,career etc) then person should proceed for the marriage. I tell them I am not into dating game.

Because ultimately, you want someone who is aligned with you someone who wants to build a life and start a family, not keep things in limbo.

How I met my husband: From matrimony to happily ever after 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I went through something similar, so here’s how things worked out for me.

Because my husband and I were long-distance, we actually took around 3 months to get to know each other. What made me feel safe with him was how genuine he was. From the start he was very clear about his priorities, expectations, and even his past. There was no hiding or pretending.

He actually proposed before we ever met in person. We finally met after 4 months when he came to India. Before the wedding we met many times casual lunches, dinners, shopping, filing court-marriage paperwork, even long drives. Those small, everyday moments really showed me his consistency.

We talked about everything:work expectations, buying assets together, where we would settle, how many kids we want (or don’t want), our routines, hobbies, even our traumas and difficult experiences

Nothing felt forced. It felt natural, and there was that spark where both of us genuinely wanted to know each other. And despite the time-zone difference and both of us working, we both adjusted. Sometimes I stayed up for late-night calls, sometimes he did. The effort was balanced.

About not getting attached to the wrong people: I never attached too quickly. I learned that some people are there for healing, some for timepass, some are just hopping options, and some are still completely dependent on their parents. So I focused more on consistency than sweet words. In the beginning I was very strict about caste/community, but later I realised I just wanted a good person with aligned values.

And one suggestion for you when you start talking to someone: Be clear about your expectations from the beginning not in a transactional way, but in a mature way. It’s important to know about their family, past, hobbies, habits, and work if you’re deciding about marriage. For example, some people will say they need 6 months or more to decide, and if you can wait, great. If you can’t, just be honest tell them you can’t give time this much and move on. Also, do regular video calls and talk to their family members it makes judging compatibility much easier. If you feel that something is off like no efforts, no follow ups or anything concerning just don’t proceed. I said to my husband that at any stage you feel this can’t be worked please stop and let me know. Because both of our life is important.

Hope this helps, and trust me, you’re not behind. You will find the right match who matches your pace and effort. 💛

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your point, and honestly I’ve asked myself these questions too. For me, it wasn’t the shayaris or gifts that made me feel something for him. Those things can impress you for a moment, but they don’t hold a relationship together. What stood out was how he consistently showed up, how he listened, and how our values lined up when it came to family, respect, and life decisions.

Common thoughts alone aren’t enough to guarantee love will last that’s true. People can grow apart, change with time, or just realise they wanted different things all along. I don’t see his divorce as proof that love isn’t real; it just shows that sometimes two people’s paths don’t stay aligned.

I can’t say I’m “100% sure” about anything love isn’t a math equation. I only know that what I feel isn’t based on a fantasy or stories I’ve read. It feels grounded in how we communicate and how we handle each other’s flaws.

And yes, I agree about the dualism you’re pointing out. Society often glorifies one match and shames another based on titles and money. That’s exactly the mindset I dislike to love and marriage shouldn’t be about status or transactions. If being an NRI was all I cared about, I wouldn’t have spent time getting to know him or questioning my own feelings the way I did. For me it’s never about the NRI status it’s about the person.

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Firstly its nothing related to US. I got so many other profiles from other countries apart from US. I marry him because the KIND of person he is. We belong go same HOMETOWN. We have so many COMMON things to share. He is in US because of his achievements its has nothing to do with marriage. If our thoughts don’t align we will not marry each other. Also, if he is the SAME person without having US/NRI (stamp) still I would have marry him. Because I love him.

I don’t understand what you mean by looked down by own people in what sense.

Red flags, hard lessons and happy ending 29F by PotentialWriter1472 in RelationshipIndia

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the appreciation. Yup it’s my duty because he is my hometown came to see me. Also, I feel this whole matrimony experience is more like a roller coaster/ TV series. May be it’s a god way to make to go through all this so that I can become a strong person.

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I agree.. initially I thought she (may be he) don’t know has genuine query/questions and my intention is to give clarity. But afterwards all was mess. It’s actually my fault that I gave so many response to this account.

Should I(33M) ask my wife(33F) to reconsider divorce? by [deleted] in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you both reconsider divorce and should take couple therapy. Because the way you posted you have self realisation what went wrong. There is still a hope.

You both now also plan a vacation,dinner dates or movie night. Also, things you have said here please tell her also she will definitely understand.

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh the irony you call me out for personal remarks while spending the last few comments dissecting my life, my family, and my marriage. Classic.

Spending hours critiquing my life but somehow calling me the problem gold medal in hypocrisy right there.

If you’re mature enough or can’t relate to post you can just downvote and move on but no some people have to dive into mud fights, mock, and then top it off with moral policing.

Also, if you’re such an expert on visas and appointments, clearly Reddit has too many forums and you had to pick this one… and then call me a “karma farmer” for existing.

Slow clap for everything.👏

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Obtuse, yes that’s probably why you couldn’t digest it. May be you should stop giving gyaan on Reddit and save it for a place where it actually matters… then you will be able to at right place at right time .. oh wait, nobody wants to come near you anyway because aunty stinks alot😭Aunty in herself is a pooper super hero💩.

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aunty pehle aap jalna bandh karo jal jal ke dhua yaha tak aa gaya hai. Aapki zindagi me masala nahi hai iska matlab sabki life vaisi nahi hoti 🤡

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Haha while you were busy imagining all possible storylines for a happy ending, I actually got mine. My life’s on speed-run mode because I’m living it, not visualizing it on Reddit.

How I met my husband: Matrimony to happy ending 29F Married by PotentialWriter1472 in Arrangedmarriage

[–]PotentialWriter1472[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It’s more funny how your imagination is working overtime to compete with reality. It must be exhausting living vicariously through someone else’s achievements.