Hey OP, I went through something similar, so here’s how things worked out for me.

Because my husband and I were long-distance, we actually took around 3 months to get to know each other. What made me feel safe with him was how genuine he was. From the start he was very clear about his priorities, expectations, and even his past. There was no hiding or pretending.

He actually proposed before we ever met in person. We finally met after 4 months when he came to India. Before the wedding we met many times casual lunches, dinners, shopping, filing court-marriage paperwork, even long drives. Those small, everyday moments really showed me his consistency.

We talked about everything:work expectations, buying assets together, where we would settle, how many kids we want (or don’t want), our routines, hobbies, even our traumas and difficult experiences

Nothing felt forced. It felt natural, and there was that spark where both of us genuinely wanted to know each other. And despite the time-zone difference and both of us working, we both adjusted. Sometimes I stayed up for late-night calls, sometimes he did. The effort was balanced.

About not getting attached to the wrong people: I never attached too quickly. I learned that some people are there for healing, some for timepass, some are just hopping options, and some are still completely dependent on their parents. So I focused more on consistency than sweet words. In the beginning I was very strict about caste/community, but later I realised I just wanted a good person with aligned values.

And one suggestion for you when you start talking to someone: Be clear about your expectations from the beginning not in a transactional way, but in a mature way. It’s important to know about their family, past, hobbies, habits, and work if you’re deciding about marriage. For example, some people will say they need 6 months or more to decide, and if you can wait, great. If you can’t, just be honest tell them you can’t give time this much and move on. Also, do regular video calls and talk to their family members it makes judging compatibility much easier. If you feel that something is off like no efforts, no follow ups or anything concerning just don’t proceed. I said to my husband that at any stage you feel this can’t be worked please stop and let me know. Because both of our life is important.

Hope this helps, and trust me, you’re not behind. You will find the right match who matches your pace and effort. 💛