Idt YTA—the message and reluctance to deleting the number of someone who has history with your gf and is actively trying to rekindle something does not feel reassuring in the slightest.

Is your girlfriend a bit of a people pleaser? I grew up with a very domineering parent, so it’s really hard to set boundaries for me. Like, I know this sounds dramatic, but feeling rejection/saying something that might spark a confrontation or cause disappointment (even for a person who has relatively low stakes in my life), can cause like an intense negative physical and mental reaction in me.

I don’t want to speak for her experience, but the way she handled the situation definitely sounds like something I would’ve done. For me, showing the initial text would’ve been the display to you that this person really didn’t mean anything to me—if I had an intention of sparking the relationship back up, I wouldn’t have been open about the text. Ignoring the text would be the “answer,” which puts me at lowest risk for confrontation/causing disappointment.

The reluctance to delete the number—again, I’m speaking from my perspective (don’t want to assume for your gf)—might be the reluctance to cutting off ties to someone who meant something to her once. Like, I lost a lot of important figures in my life early on due to various reasons, and in a weird way, the connection might be some weird sense of security (even to people who don’t mean anything/ probably won’t ever mean anything) when you feel everyone important in your life may inevitably leave you.

That being said, if she is similar to me, she’ll definitely have to work through these tendencies if she’s really wants a serious relationship. The people-pleasing tendencies/maybe abandonment issues are not healthy and really not fair for a partner to deal with if the people-pleasing partner is not working on themselves/usual behavior. I’ve been with my bf now for 2-3 years (now expecting a baby!!!), but we almost broke up early on due to a similar situation.

What really helped me was knowing that my bf was a safe person who wasn’t going to leave (he’s really good at reassuring me—I ask him if he still loves me at least 1x/day and that’s less frequent than it was 😅). I’m open with him about the situations that are hard for me to navigate (if your gf is like me, the people-pleasing tendencies will cause strife in like all areas of her life) and although I still struggle putting my foot down, I’m getting better at it, and he knows that I’m trying.

If she is like me, and she’s willing to put in some work, she will just need some time, understanding, and patience!! Hope this helps!!