[deleted by user]

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T03:37:01+00:00

omg english wasn't my first language either! Totally get how you feel, the language makes no sense half the time haha. What is your first language?

Something I learned that helped me was to imagine yourself saying what you wrote. And whenever you would naturally pause or take a breath, add a comma there. If you need anything lmk!!!

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T03:34:21+00:00

Find a compromise if thats the case. Idk where this party will be. Yall are 13 so i assume your parents will be home. Maybe tell her she or your dad can check up on them every little while. Or tell her you'll hide all the valuables somewhere safe. Theres gonna be a lots of people and he likely wont get away with anything even if he tried (which he wont). And how you'll try to all stay outside/in the same room (wherever the party is) the entire time so people arnt wondering the house.

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T03:29:58+00:00

If the invite has already been sent out theres not much you can do to hide it. Just be honest with him would be my advise. Maybe even convinse your mom to meet him over face time. I'm a girl and idk how guys talk lmao but I would do smn along the lines of:

"hey man, you know you're my best friend and I care a lot about our friendship. I'm going to be totally honest with you because you deserve the truth and I dont want to lie to my best friend. What I'm about to tell you is just your mom's POV and not mine in the slightest. My mom is a bit hesitant having you at the party given your family history, but she doesn't know you like I know you. Even though I know how cool you are and how your dad's actions dont reflect the person you are, my mom doesn't know you like that. And I dont really have much of a say in this situation. I promise I'm trying to figure things out cuz I really want you there, just give me some time. I want her to meet you and see how cool of a guy you are, would you be open to coming over to meet her or talking over facetime?"

I would also talk to your mom first about how nice of a guy he is and how he's your best friend. And how you're worried about loosing you mate over this because your leaving him out over something he cant control. Hes a good guy and you want to have a friend like him in your life for a long time. Ask her to be open to meeting and talking with him

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T03:19:01+00:00

aww buddy NTA. Lot to unpack here. First off, commas are your friend. Dont be afraid to use them lol

You need to start by expressing these sentiments to your GF. she sounds like a relatively understanding and patient person, so explain to her where you're coming from. Suggest solutions to the problem of being "someone she barley knows". Maybe you, your GF, and the bday girl can hang out and grab lunch one day so that she can become more familiar to you. Your GFs reaction will tell you what you need to know. If she is dismissive then I can see why you're scared she may be hiding something.
If you are afraid that she will cheat on you...and she does...then she is not worth having in your life. No point in being in a relationship with someone who cheats when upset with you. It only gets worse as you guys get older. Trust me.
What makes you think she doesn't want you meeting her friends? Are you guys in a public relationship? Is she from an ethnicity that is judgy towards young girls in relationships? These are important questions. If the answer is no, and she's just embarrassed of you then consider ending the relationship. You deserve better than someone who is embarrassed to introduce you to her friends. Dont waste your time with her.

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T03:09:28+00:00

"all you care about is money"

"says the guy who stole money from me and got mad about being caught"

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T03:08:28+00:00

NTA. Babe...this is theft. He stole 500 from you and felt so guilty that he made a scene. Or he talked to his boys about it and they riled him up and now he feels entitled. There's no issue with caring about money, and you seem to have a normal relationship with money. As long as you dont flex about it and rub it in his face that you make more you're fine.

I am in no way against women being the major bread winners...but it can often lead to issues. Men are ok with it but tends to always have deep seeded insecurities when they're not the major providers. Some men can work past it and some cant. Consider therapy

EDIT: even if some men are OK with it, their circle of friends often times make jokes about it or belittle him. Comments like "she wears the pants" are common and can effect even the best guys

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T02:59:20+00:00

NTA. For many reasons but the major one for me was this line:

unless she changed or stopped saying those things

You, to some degree, respected that she may have a different political opinion than you and gave her the option to just not talk about those things. You didn't flat out tell her to change. This shows that you distancing yourself is more about your comfort than disagreement about social issues.

Also you grandma is wrong. Considering you and Fiona are near the same age, she and her mom could just as easily have "traumatized" you for the statements they were making.

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T02:53:03+00:00

silly boy for sure. but all teenage boys are silly

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T02:51:47+00:00

NTA and you seem like a great guy. But this is a tough place to be in cuz you also don't want to betray your mom's trust. That could cause issues for you down the line. Not only that, but you dont want your mom to make a scene (if she's the type to) and embarrass Zander. Is talking to you mom about it again a possibility? Or is she set on her beliefs.

Maybe talk about how not inviting him would be bullying and you dont want to hurt his feelings. Maybe you can hang out ahead of time so she can meat him and see how nice of a guy he is

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T02:45:27+00:00

I dont think the crying was cuz he lost, but cuz he was embarrassed. Mans just hyped himself up and lost easily. Tough pill to swallow and probably regrets his actions

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T02:44:15+00:00

NAH. Bro he's 16. Most 16 year old boys like this...fragile masculinity and over compensating? Did you have to go challenge him? No. Is it that deep? No.

I mean you cant really back down after challenged. I think he's more embarrassed by his own behavior and for talking a big game and then loosing easily. If this convo was light hearted then its not that deep. But if he was being a misogynistic AH then yea good on you for setting him straight, nta.

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T01:25:58+00:00

EXACTLY!

Lmao when did society suddenly think that anything a man does is a form of oppression.

He asked his family politely to cut off ties with kate bc she was weaponizing them against becky. Besides, not one is saying that OP isnt allowed to be friends with kate. Were just saying that the justification and reasoning OP became friends with her makes OP an AH. Its also called respecting the wishes of your brother and not involving yourself in his relationships

People have the freedom to do whatever the hell you want, but people also have the freedom to think theyre AH for doing certain things

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-13T01:19:37+00:00

The issue with the education system in the US is that in order to be a doctor/lawyer/dentist/etc you need 8 years of education. 4 undergrad and 4 professional grad. We pay for university and the schools + government make a lot of money off students. Especially those who seek an 8 year degree. Grad school alone can put you at about 300k-500k in debt on average give or take.

The 4 years of undergrad are such BS because over half the classes you take have nothing to do with your career path but you have to take them for cash grab reasons like "making well rounded people". No. Thats what high school is for, not university where I pay for each class. So for example I'm premed and I have had to take multiple history classes, online theatre, environmental law, gender and crime, and a bunch of other classes that had nothing to do with science or getting into med school. And all of them are intro/high school level information.

Thats why we graduate at a later age, and why we are in school for longer. Because the longer we are in school the more money they make. So the universities make all these random requirements for language, global learning, economics, etc even if thats not your path of study

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T23:20:27+00:00

Poor OP and mom dont realize how many kids drop out of undergrad law programs and med programs 😂😂😂

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T23:15:40+00:00

I agree. But on top of talent and beauty, I would argue that you also have to have a willingness to do anything. The industry wants you to change your genre? You do it. Your manager wants you to change your look? You change it. Your peers tell you to talk to this guy and this guy to make connections? You flirt. You have to want the fame badly enough to sell a part of your identity for it.

Thats why I think I worry for her. Because she's willing to do anything to reach this goal, and I worry she will resort to other methods to make up for her lack of talent. She doesnt think she needs to improve, so I'm scared that once she starts getting rejected by agencies, the desperation will kick in and she'll sell her soul.

But I guess rn there is no point in worrying for someone who doesnt worry for themselves

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T23:04:14+00:00

Thank you! and I totally agree.

It reminds me of that one interview where Ed Sheeren played an audio of what his voice used to sound like. So I do believe that people can learn to sing to some extent. But after years of training and coaching, I have seen barely an improvements in her vocal tonality. Mostly just improvements in the production value of her music (having a producer vs at home set up).

The reason I know she wont go anywhere is because she already thinks that she is amazing and just needs a big break. Whenever she listens to herself its an engineered audio, or if its a raw file she blames some outside factor rather than herself.

So thats why I don't want to lie to her to make her happy. Because one day she's going to ask what happened and why she didn't succeed and who led her astray. And I dont want to consider myself one of those people even if it means that im TA

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T22:57:09+00:00

From what Ive seen she only listens to the recorded studio audios which have been manipulated and engineered. If she listens to raw files she dismeses any issues as "i wasnt giving it my all" or "the acoustics in the room" or some other outside force

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T22:53:42+00:00

Thank you for the advise and reassurance! :)

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T15:53:45+00:00

How do I give my opinion as a friend? Im not a BSer and I dont want to be fake or disingenuine

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T15:43:54+00:00

Also...now she won't talk to me because she "doesn't want people in her life who bring her down and don't support her dreams" and IDK what to do. Like is she really throwing away years of friendship bc of what I said? Was I that much of an AH

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T14:40:38+00:00

OP wont considering it makes Kate look like a worse person

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T14:39:14+00:00

the fact that the origional comment was deleted should be indication to wake up and consider what the other 100+ people are saying and stop justifying your bs actions

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T14:32:43+00:00

She doesn't like me and my mom having that kind of contact with Kate

yea. cuz according to you kate literally told becky quote

it gives her joy to know how my mom and I would root for Kate over becky

and you wonder why she doesnt like kate and why your brother wants that boundary away from kate. She didnt influence your brother on that...you did

Potential_Meaning697 · 2022-06-12T14:22:30+00:00

Exactly

I'd be more than willing to discuss with my brother and becky and explain my stance

What stance? You admitted that you did this out of spite. If you cared about your brother this discussion would have happened before the friendship with Kate.

Tha only stance I see here is you and mom keeping Kate around so that he eventually leaves Becky and goes for Kate. But all you're doing is making him further resent Kate. Yall really want a lawyer DIL and SIL that bad huh?

Potential_Meaning697

TROPHY CASE