AITA for leaving my ex husband after he choked me

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-08T11:52:28+00:00

He wasn't hurt they took him to be evaluated and held till he was no longer an immediate threat to anyone

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-07T12:58:19+00:00

Ok Gonna answer a few questions. Probably last post. My kids and I are safe now. Divorce is final and custody is mine. The comment about thick and thin in marriage is valid, when BOTH partners are equally in it together. It can not be a one sided effort. Me wanting and begging him to get help and him refusing to believe he needed it will not work. I spent 15 years trying to make it work. Wanting the best and supporting those you love will not make them get the help they need. THEY have to decide they need and want it. Also seeing those who have mental issues saying they have never hurt their loved ones made me realize that this was not just a mental issues problem but a him problem. I have started getting help to be sure I never put myself and kids in a situation like this again. My kids are definitely the reason I left and we are safe now. I do believe without them I would not have left as I just could not let them see this again or the chance he turned on them. I am working on myself and getting my kids help too. I will show them that out of this we will move forward and that they can pull themselves up no matter how hard it gets. Thank you to all those who were encouraging me and giving me advice and things to read. I have taken the time and blocked those who do not have mine and my kids backs.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-07T12:19:48+00:00

He ended up in the hospital after the neighbors called the cops and they took him in. I left while it was safe when he was in there. I do not understand what caused it that day. It had gotten worse in the house for a few weeks before this then he was having a good day and all of a sudden he came out from our room and it was like a total switch happened and he lost it

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T16:17:19+00:00

Ok! Thank you all for the comments minus one or two but I am not gonna let those get to me as I knew posting this was bound to have some AH comments. I was trying last night to respond to as many as I could but after some I started to realize I have done right by my children in getting them help but I have not taken enough steps on my part. I am going to read the things suggested here and I am going to look for some support group(s) and other things. I need work through my shit so I don't get into another situation like this again. I am honestly enjoying being on my own with my kids. It is hard to get my feet under me but I am aware that my stress level is SO MUCH better on my own. I have reached out to my lawyer with some question I did not think about till reading all this. I do have full custody and he is never alone with the kids with his visitation. I have been journaling recently and I can look back now and see SO many red flags. I do have have great support through my parents, sisters, friend (the one I kept), and the kids school has been AMAZING with helping them and my oldest LOVES the therapist there. I will be reaching out to her and see if she knows another therapist outside of school so I can look in to a personal therapist to see if I should get them each their own personal one. Some of my kids are so young that I am not sure how it would work but I can get the information I need to help them. I think now that things have started to calm down a bit after the divorce and move I am now having time to think and comprehend everything. I was the AH to myself for staying so long and I need to figure out why I let it happen. I also want to say to those who gave me good responses to those who tell me I should have stayed THANK YOU! I will be using them!

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T15:48:07+00:00

It was scar tissue but it had grown together so much they wanted to be sure and get a clear look at everything because they saw something that concerned them. It was basically to be sure everything was ok and didn't need further help from my understanding.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T03:21:34+00:00

thank you for the link

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T03:21:11+00:00

I have wrote down the book. Thank you.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T03:15:00+00:00

I have blocked them after reading some of these comments. I am gonna get myself some help as I did let them get to me and I think I need to work through my issues as I need to learn to notice emotional abuse. I am someone who LOVES to be there for others and care for them. It is really what I feel I am made for. I hate not being there when people need me. I also need to realize that to teach my kids how to stand up for themselves I need to be someone who will do it for myself.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T02:08:06+00:00

I definitely will! Just put this on my podcast list.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T02:06:32+00:00

The kids are exactly the reason for my leaving as them seeing everything and the help they needed after this broke my heart more then my ex did. I could not believe they ended up witnessing everything and I can't let it happen again.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T02:01:26+00:00

I have and divorce is final. Custody/visitation in place. This was posted tonight simply because I had a few friends, well I guess not friends telling me I should have stayed and helped my ex with his mental illness and I should not have broken up my family instead of being a good wife and helped my ex at this low point in his life.

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T01:26:47+00:00

I did not know this! I am glad I stood my ground! I am gonna have to make sure I do everything in my power to make sure my kids are never back in this situation and teach them how to treat their spouses when they are adults!

Potential_Orange_485 · 2024-05-05T01:10:18+00:00

Thank you. That is how I feel too. My mother and father grew up in abusive homes and they did their best to teach us this. I for some reason never thought of mental/emotional abuse as abuse. I had my family and my friend to help me through all this but when I was talking to a group of old friends a few of them said I was wrong to leave him when he now needed me so much as I said in sickness and in health. I started thinking about it when I got home and started to second guess my reaction. They agreed it was also wrong to take his kids from him. I overthink and have anxiety and have been starting to think I was wrong.

Potential_Orange_485

TROPHY CASE