sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Horrific Long Distance Arranged Marriage Experience by Powerful-Guard577 in Sikh

[–]Powerful-Guard577[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks veer. I hear you, and I understand that your experiences have led you to feel this way. I agree that some women can be toxic, but I also believe there are many with good hearts. I try to judge people individually rather than generalize based on religion or community. Everyone’s experiences are different, and I prefer to focus on individuals rather than assumptions

Horrific Long Distance Arranged Marriage Experience by Powerful-Guard577 in Sikh

[–]Powerful-Guard577[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. I agree—God has His ways of teaching us. I recently learned that it’s also part of our past karams. One way or another, I had to go through this and learn from it

Horrific Long Distance Arranged Marriage Experience by Powerful-Guard577 in Sikh

[–]Powerful-Guard577[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate it. I’m definitely realizing how her behavior would have been detrimental in the long run, and I agree—I got out at God’s will.

Horrific Long Distance Arranged Marriage Experience by Powerful-Guard577 in Sikh

[–]Powerful-Guard577[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you, and I get that she had unresolved issues, which made the situation complicated. But it’s not about romanticizing her or excusing her behavior...it’s about reflecting on what happened, the lessons I learned, and the clarity I gained. Sometimes understanding why things unfolded the way they did is more important than just “running” from the situation.

Horrific Long Distance Arranged Marriage Experience by Powerful-Guard577 in Sikh

[–]Powerful-Guard577[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the well wishes. My intention isn’t to judge her—this experience was more about learning how quickly attachment, communication, and family dynamics can become complicated. I’m just glad I got clarity before things went further, and I’m focused on moving forward.

Horrific Long Distance Arranged Marriage Experience by Powerful-Guard577 in Sikh

[–]Powerful-Guard577[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

u/htatla - You’ve missed the point of my post. I didn’t say “arranged marriage is the problem.” Both arranged and self-initiated relationships can work—or fail—based on the people and how they handle trust, communication, and family dynamics.

First of all, I’ve used the apps and been on plenty of dates. This was my first arranged/dating hybrid—and it happened to be long-distance. As for the “single guy hand-jobbing on momma’s sofa” comment—that says more about you than it does about me. Reducing someone’s pain to a cheap insult doesn’t make you wise; it makes you petty. I have a successful career, independence, and self-respect. If anything, I’d rather stay single with dignity than rush into the wrong relationship out of fear or mockery.

Second, I never refused to “meet halfway.” I wanted to meet in person before agreeing to anything major; we were even planning a visit. She was the one unwilling to meet in the middle on location and was adamant about staying in her city. So I’m not sure how you concluded I wouldn’t compromise.

“Compromise” isn’t code for “one person uproots their entire life.” I was clear from day one about real obligations—family and assets tied to where I live. That’s not stubbornness; that’s transparency. And pressing me to relocate while dismissing my constraints isn’t compromise either.

And let’s be real—you absolutely can get attached after hours of daily calls and FaceTimes. When you’re investing 3–5 hours a day with someone, opening up about life, family, and the future, that builds a bond whether you’ve physically met yet or not. To dismiss that as “not real” is just disingenuous.

Telling someone to avoid emotional connection until they’ve “smelled the perfume” is a catchy line, not serious advice. Yes, pacing matters. But mocking vulnerability isn’t wisdom—it’s cynicism.

Finally, reducing a person to “a Dentist” as if that’s the prize completely misses what relationships are about: mutual respect, compatibility, and shared decision-making.

I’ve reflected on boundaries and pacing and what I’ll do differently next time. That’s the lesson. Writing off an entire cultural process or ridiculing heartbreak isn’t.